about a month ago i attended the dream show 2 in osaka through sm's global package and wanted to share my experience, in case other fans had questions about it. before i went i tried to read up about it but there weren't a lot of posts :( so i thought it would be helpful if i shared my experience.
WHAT IS SM GLOBAL PACKAGE? for many concerts by sm artists, the tourism/travel arm of sm will reserve a certain number of tickets for their tour packages. these packages include the concert ticket, accommodation, breakfast, transportation to and from the concert venue and the hotel, merch preorder, souvenir merch and snacks. it does not include plane tix. there are single (for 1 person) and twin (2 ppl) packages - twin is cheaper. if there are multiple concerts happening at the same place, the packages will range from 2 day 1 night (1 concert) to 4 days 3 nights (all concerts). there are several tiers available for the packages - superior, deluxe, economy. the higher the tier, the more expensive it is, but the better your hotel and concert tix are.
TICKETING: i didn't rush for tix when they were released, i bought someone's cancelled package a few weeks later when those went on sale. at that point, the most expensive packages were sold out, only single and twin course A (2 days 1 night, 1 concert) and the 2 concert package were left. i opted for economy (the only tier available since its overseas) single course A since i was on a budget and its the cheapest, about $670 usd. buying tix was fairly straightforward. after making an account and filling up all my details and selecting my package, i was brought to the payment page to complete my transaction. payment is only made thru paypal and there may be some charges (i was charged an additional $30 for using paypal). everything is in usd. the purchase is only confirmed when u receive a confirmation email from paypal and see the package name listed under 'my page' on the smtown travel website. sm itself does not send any email to confirm.
PREPARATION: i downloaded the sm global package app to receive notifications. all updates will be sent through 'personal notice' on the app/website (not email), so its best to have it installed. about a month before the concert, i received my first update - it was confirmation of the hotel. for tds2 in osaka, they used 2 hotels, and i was put in the second one since i bought someone's cancelled package. ppl who bought the package earlier would've been put in the first hotel. then i didnt hear from sm until one and a half weeks before the concert, when they started sending updates about merch and a detailed schedule for the package. this included the times we had to be at the sm tour desk on the concert day and what bus number we were. the night before the concert, they updated us on where the bus would be picking us at the concert venue (on the way back to the hotel).
MERCH: an advantage about this package is merch preorder. usually for concert merch u would have to queue hours in advance, but for this, we filled out a form on the sm website (via a special link they provided in an update, as well as a unique id and password) and similarly made payment through paypal. we picked up the merch at the tour desk right after collecting the concert ticket. there is a limit on quantity but it's reasonable.
PACKAGE EXPERIENCE: the package didnt provide airport transfer (it might be something u can ask for) but it was very easy to go from the airport to the hotel. the hotel was one stop away from osaka station, so the location was quite central. it was a 5 min walk from the nearest station, and there were lots of shops and restaurants around, so i found it convenient.
everyone must check in to the hotel the day before their scheduled concert. we only need to provide our passport for verification, so make sure to use your passport name for everything. they provided me with my breakfast ticket and then i went up to my room, which was comfortable enough for 1 person. korea packages had themed room sets but mine didnt.
the next day, the day of the actual concert, we were due to be at the sm tour desk at the hotel's lobby to draw our concert tickets and collect our preordered merch and souvenirs. tip: go there early - i went on the dot and had to queue in a very long line. i had to wait for around 45 mins. u have to provide your passport, then check your name off the list. then you will draw your ticket. all the tickets are separated into (very nice nct dream) envelopes and u just draw one at random. u cannot exchange your ticket or draw again. if you purchase the package with multiple concerts, you will draw all your tickets at the same time. (in korea, superior and deluxe tix can be front row or very near to the stage.) then u proceed to collect the tour souvenir (it was a little tds2 bag, but souvenirs vary in each country) and preordered merch. the osaka package also included a lucky draw for more souvenirs, and i got a lenticular postcard, snack bag and mask strap.
in the detailed schedule, sm will list a time and place for you to meet to take the bus (probably the hotel lobby) to the concert venue. its usually 2 hours before the concert starts. everyone met at the hotel lobby with their lightsticks and everything before being led out with signs of our designated bus number onto the tour bus, where they took attendance again. it really felt like a guided tour since there was a tour guide and a big sign. then we went to the venue - the tour guide played nct dream songs on the bus to get us hyped, it was really cute :')
when we arrived, they led us to a meeting point outside the venue and told us to be there half an hour after the concert ended. we were then free to go to our gate and watch the concert. after the concert, everyone met back at the meeting point and got on the same bus. we received osaka snacks at our seats and a bottle of water (in korea, i heard the snacks are nct-themed) and went back to the hotel. that was essentially the end of the package and i just checked out the next day and went home. it is possible to extend your stay at the hotel - this includes liaising with the sm ppl.
CONCERT: the ticket i drew was a back centre floor ticket. many of the concert tix for the kyocera dome concert were at the side and elevated, so i was very happy to be on the floor. it was some distance from the main stage but fairly near to one of the extended stages (only one section in between). the back stage was just behind, so it was very near, especially if you're in the last few rows. turns out the majority of this section was reserved for sm global package participants, just depends on which is your seat. i got row 9 so i was quite happy.
because it was a japan concert pics and videos were strictly not allowed. there was a girl behind me who got escorted out after only 5 songs for taking pics and refusing to delete them and she never came back. ppl took pics during the last song but thats it.
VERDICT/IS IT WORTH IT? for me, i felt like it was worth it cos nct dream is my ult group and i had never seen them before. the price is really high - the concert ticket itself was only S100+ usd lmao - but the fact that it includes transportation to and from the venue is important to me and honestly much safer. the hotel was comfortable and convenient. i also really liked the fact that i could preorder my merch, and its really hard to purchase japan concert merch. the tix were also good, i had no problem seeing the stage.
as a multistan, i had always wanted to attend a kpop concert in japan. a lot of ppl say the experience is different cos of the venue, and now i can say that i wholeheartedly agree. as a foreigner, its really hard to get kpop concert tix - u have to be in the fanclub, u need a japanese address and its by lottery, so u might not even get a ticket. but with the global package, the ticket is guaranteed. moreover, kpop groups only perform their japanese songs at japan concerts. the stage setup is really different from other kpop concerts ive been to so i enjoyed it a lot.
i would get this package again, but only in japan and korea. other countries tend to be more expensive and the merch and souvenir arent as good. but i would get a more expensive package. i felt like my package was too short. and this is something i would only do once a year cos of the price.
sorry for this very long recount, i was just trying to be as detailed as possible :') as i would've liked to read something like this before i bought my package. if you have any questions or would like to discuss anything, pls drop me a message on twitter (@winwinfinite) or here! i would also love to hear about other ppl's experiences with global package as well :)

A River Runs Through It: The 21st Century Case for Cleveland
Brooke C. Stoddard
The 19th-century case for Cleveland was compelling: terminus of a canal linking the southernmost point of the Great Lakes to the lower Ohio River valley and then east-west railroads that made Cleveland a hub for ship/road/rail transportation of iron ore, coal, kerosene and agricultural products.
The late-20th-century case was cruel: First, dealing with World War II production pollution; second, industrial companies sending manufacturing overseas.
But Cleveland is again well positioned. Consider the 21st-century case for Cleveland:
Living downtown. The downtown is attracting tens of thousands of people owing to reasonable housing, bike and walking trails, and much to do. Downtown housing is 91% occupied and $895 million in new residential construction is underway.[1]
Water and water quality. Cleveland enjoys a meandering river and one of the warmest of the Great Lakes.[2] Water quality of both is improving and is likely to continue improving. Businesses that require water can have all they want. The Cuyahoga River has become a sports river as well as an ore boat one. Kayaks and rowing shells ply the Cuyahoga now -- USA Today recently voted the Cuyahoga River the #1 urban paddling locale in North America[3] -- and all manner of sailboats skitter on the lake.
Weather. Summer weather is wonderful: average highs in the low 80s.[4] Spring and fall are spectacular. Of course, winters can be irksome, but with global warming, the trend is for milder temperatures. There’s an upside to winter anyway: it’s a good time to stay indoors and get things done, whether in a factory, in school, or at home.
Negatives make for an overarching positive. Huge swatches of the United States live in fear of: wildfires; hurricanes; tornados; floods; rising sea levels; droughts; heat waves; and earthquakes. Cleveland is virtually free of all of these. The area also has beautiful beaches but no sharks.
Arts -- The Big Four: The Cleveland Orchestra and the Cleveland Art Museum are generally rated among the best in the world; the Rock and Roll Museum is unique; Playhouse Square downtown is the largest performing arts center outside New York City[5] and boasts theaters of the dazzling “theater palace” variety (also, Playhouse Square’s new director just relocated from running London’s Albert Hall[6]).
Housing. Residents on the East and West Coasts would likely have to push their jaws back up after seeing the homes they could buy if they sold their coastal ones. Mansions can be had for $1 million. The average single-family house in the Ohio City neighborhood downtown is $275,000.[7] Of course, such bargains may not last.
Parks. More than 55 miles of parks and greenway swag east, south and west of downtown. Cleveland’s MetroParks, often ranked the #1 park system in the nation, comprises 18 reservations, 24,000 acres, 300 miles of trails and a terrific zoo. Just to the south is the Cuyahoga Valley National Park. There are 10 waterfalls in MetroParks property alone and at least a dozen more in Cleveland’s outskirts.[8]
Education. Case Western Reserve and Cleveland State universities are downtown. Baldwin Wallace and John Carroll universities are in the close suburbs. Nearby are Kent State University as well as Kenyon, Oberlin, Hiram, and Wooster colleges.
Manufacturing. As noted, there is plenty of fresh water and plenty of electricity. Owing to the colleges and universities in Cleveland and Northeast Ohio, the work force is well educated.
Sports. Major league baseball, football, and basketball. Cleveland is also a good skating, tennis, and golf metropolis. There are 10 ski resorts within 200 miles.[9]
Inclusion. Plenty of diversity. There are neighborhoods of blacks, whites, Eastern Europeans, Latinx, and Asians, all having festivals and ethnic restaurants.
Food. Plenty of agriculture nearby; good for Farm-to-Table
Government. The voters in 2021 scrapped business as usual to elect 34-year-old Justin Bibb as mayor. The future’s unknown but Bibb has plenty of ideas and lots of energy.
Resurgent downtown. Cleveland was prosperous during the 1890-1920 City Beautiful Movement. A city plan from those times heralds a mall lined with Beaux Arts buildings, themselves richly embellished inside and complemented outside with distinguished sculptures. Pleasant single-family homes are available in the Ohio City and Tremont neighborhoods; the Warehouse District has been converting to condos and apartments; “The Flats” district along the river offers evening activities. Bike and walking trails continue to increase.
Transportation. Light rail and buses connect neighborhoods; light rail runs from downtown to the airport; Amtrak wants to run more east-west trains through downtown to Chicago, Detroit and New York City, as well as speedy ones to Columbus, Cincinnati, and Pittsburgh. Hyperloop Transportation Technologies has suggested a Midwest network linking five cities that would reduce Cleveland-Chicago travel time to 28 minutes (not a typo).[10]
Festivals. There is no lack of parades, concerts, marathons, etc. In summer, the Orchestra plays for free in Public Square as well as at the National Park-nestled outdoor Blossom Center.
Library system. The Cuyahoga County Library system and Cleveland Library were rated #1 and #4 nationally for service last year by Library Journal.[11] The Cleveland Library has 31 branches in the city; its jewel in the crown is the Beaux Arts downtown branch.
Health care. The Cleveland Clinic has been ranked the best in the world after only the Mayo Clinic,[12] and ranks ahead of Mayo in cardiology.[13]
As real estate people like to say of an old home, “It has good bones.” Cleveland has “good bones” in the form of enviable assets. Will people and business respond? The door is open.
Brooke C. Stoddard lives in Alexandria, Virginia, is the president of The Cleveland Club of Washington, D. C., and the author of two books.
[1] Destination Cleveland
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[2] Destination Cleveland
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[3] https://www.usatoday.com/picture-gallery/travel/10best/awards/2021/04/23/urban-kayaking-10-best-places-paddle-according-readers/7356161002/
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[4] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cleveland#Climate
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[5] https://www.playhousesquare.org/about-playhousesquare-main/history
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[6] https://www.playhousesquare.org/news/detail/playhouse-square-names-mr-craig-hassall-am-as-new-president-and-chief-executive
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[7] https://www.redfin.com/neighborhood/150814/OH/Cleveland/Ohio-City/housing-market
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[8] https://www.clevelandmetroparks.com/parks/visit/ten-to-explore/2022/february
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[9]https://www.cleveland.com/travel/2017/12/where\_to\_ski\_near\_cleveland\_a.html\]
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[10] https://www.glhyperloopoutreach.com/
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[11] https://www.libraryjournal.com/story/ljx211213StarsByNumbers#30M
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[12] https://www.beckershospitalreview.com/rankings-and-ratings/25-us-hospitals-among-newsweek-s-100-best-in-the-world.html
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[13] https://health.usnews.com/best-hospitals/rankings

hope this doesn't offend anyone that actually knows how to make shawarma! this is my lazy way of making the sandwich so i don't have to drive into town and buy one.
"recipe": shredded rotisserie chicken pita pocket, cut in half and opened store bought toum sauce (i use the brand "room") pickle slices (sandwich style or chips work best)
i just throw it together and scarf it down. it's so good and tastes almost just like from my local lebanese place, aside from the fact that the chicken isn't anywhere near as tasty as real shawarma.
hope you enjoy!

Long post, strap in!
My Fiancé (we will call them Daffy) broke up with me two weeks ago the day before I was supposed to move in with them. The reason we were not living together was because we while we were dating we lived separately and then Covid happened and I had to move. I had lost my job and my government funds had run out and I couldn't get my hands on another job so I was offered the basement suite in my best friends house (Lets call her Lola). So Lola picks me up and drives me to the town over, almost an hour away and we set up. Daffy and I have made plans that we would meet up every Tuesday so that we can go out, be a couple and do things together. Lola would need to drive us because neither of us have a license because why bother when there is city transit.
The first few months are great, Lola gets to go to the city with their husband (We shall dub him Bugs, see where this is going?) And Daffy and I can go on dates. We do some double dates, Lola and Bugs get to know Daffy and everyone starts to get along really well. This is great, Daffy hasn't met any of my home town friends so seeing them just easily integrate themselves into the group was fun to watch.
Important note, Daffy and I have an open relationship, we talked about this before we started dating because I am very Ace and they are very not. I don't like the naughty times and Daffy needs them so we agreed that we would be each other's primary partners but they can find bed buddies and I can go on friend dates. This had been discussed at length and are boundaries set, keep this in mind.
Okay, so, we are doing very well and we discuss proposal, please note, we have known each other for damn near a decade before we started dating, we lived together before and Daffy found a partner and moved out. Before we were dating. We discussed moving back in together after my break up too, but plans exploded when I could no longer afford to live in the city. Daffy and I agreed on an engagement, found rings, I proposed in a lovely little spot in town and we went out and had drinks and food at a local restaurant that I was working at at the time. We had a really good time and I was able to show Daffy the town I grew up in. We had so much fun.
Daffy went home and we would have video chats almost every week, texted every day and had visits as often as we could.
This all started to slow down last June. Daffy got another job doing some work on the side as an entertainer for some extra cash. I was actually really proud of them, they were having a good time, letting off some steam and meeting some really fun people. I told them that I would love to come to a show when I had the chance and would like to meet some of the new people. They seemed really excited to show me some of the things they had for work and the extra money was a bonus for them. They were able to afford some nice things for themselves, get their hair done, nails, spa days. They even offered to spoil me and I was happy to allow that since they showed love that way. We were still doing good but for some reason the texts were less and the video calls were becoming almost never. I wasn't jealous though, I was worried. I would ask where they were, what they were up too and if they would be home later so we could chat.
Daffy then told me they found someone to help them (We will call her Lezah) and I was like cool, a mentor.
This is where things started to go wrong. Lezah was helping Daffy with their shows, helping them find more people, helping them advertise themselves. Daffy was able to get some private shows, which was cool because that was more money for them. I was excited for them, I was pretty stoked that my partner was doin something that made them happy, let them live their lifestyle and just genuinely enjoy themselves at work. I am a simple person, I like seeing my people happy, when they are happy, it makes me happy.
Lezah did not want Daffy happy, they wanted Daffy, period. Daffy was paying Lezah to help set up these shows, which is fair, it's work, but Lezah was only getting money from Daffy and whatever government pay they were getting for their disabilities.
And selling dogs. Lezah was breeding and selling large pure bred dogs from her apartment, which would have been fine if she was actually licensed to do so. Lezah told us that her dogs were certified under her kennel name but when you try and find said kennel name, it doesn't exist. These were black market dogs, big black market dogs that no one wanted because its a city and every apartment building has an 80 pound limit on their dogs.
But, Daffy was sure that Lezah wasn't a bad person and wanted me to meet them, so I bring Lola because I can't drive. We meet this woman in person and every single one of my spidey senses goes off. I am uncomfortable, I don't like this woman, despite her being polite and I am looking at Lola like 'something isn't right here' and Lola is looking at me like 'we gotta go.' Lola has this scary sixth sense about people, if she says they are bad people, its a very good chance that they are bad people. Bugs too, Bugs does this a lot and when I told Bugs about this woman he was like 'yeah, something isn't right there.'
But the reason I am meeting this woman is because she is trying to pawn off one of the largest puppies onto Daffy and they need to convince me that we need this dog. I am like "Nope, we can get a dog, a perfectly good and legal and adult dog from the shelter after we settle our three cats." Because my cat is an anxious and traumatized mess that needs a bit of time to pee on everything before he stops being a brat. A giant dog is not going to help, so while I am sitting there, covered in Puppies, I am still thinking 'Nah, this isn't right.'
So we call a meeting, bring in a third friend so that Daffy wasn't ganged up on (Babs and their husband Buster) and we talked if out. I was against this dog, the place we are in isn't big enough for a large dog and three cats. My cat is not going to like Daffy's three cats to begin with so probably a bad idea. This dog will be at the house before me, so what if they don't see me as part of the pack and hate me.
Daffy brought up that this dog was going to be a therapy dog, they haven't left the house in months because they were being harassed, even stalked, by complete strangers. Daffy is an easy target, very short, very beautiful and curvy and absolutely passes as a young teenager despite being in their mid twenties. I caved and agreed to the dog if it helped them feel better. They then tell me that there are conditions to this animal! What conditions you may ask, well Lezah wants breeding rights, which means that Lezah would have partial ownership of this dog. We also wouldn't be able to get him neutered, we wouldn't be able to leave the city (Important note) and because he is a studding animal, vet trips...a lot of them. That we can't afford.
I'm unimpressed but fine, Daffy needs a dog for safety and I can't be there to go on all their walked because of my own disabilities. This was four months ago. And things start to get worse.
Our dates are now becoming less and less, Daffy is working every Tuesday or with Lezah, I am begging them to just call me. No they are with Lezah helping with puppies, or at a show or they are too tired to see me. Fine, just call me, nope. I ask if we can come next week, sure, next week comes, nope, Lezah needs help, Daffy is tired and they need to get the house ready for the dog.
I am desperate and I ask can we please, PLEASE meet up before I move in, I have a doctors appointment in the city anyways, please can we talk. They agree, so I go to the doctors appointment, calling them to make sure and they said that I can come over unless something comes up. Cool, I go to the appointment. I text that we are on the way and I get no response, so we head over.
Lezah is there.
something to note also, I have Disassociation problems, so when I get over stressed, I zone out really bad. I don't remember the visit, I was so stressed and so anxious that I just completely left the situation mentally. This was bad because the Land Lord had come over to meet me, something I knew was happening but I wasn't expecting Lezah in a place that I thought would be my safe place. I meet the land lord, I think and she thinks I'm a basket case because I'm just stone faced. Lola is trying to get me verbal again while also stressed about her own stuff and trying to keep Bugs in the loops while also attempting to keep Lezah from me. I was able to drop off a bunch of stuff while there and I think something in me came back because I looked at Daffy and was like.
"I don't trust her, please, if we are visiting I don't want her here. I don't care if you hang out with her, I don't care if she's here and I'm out, just please. I don't feel safe with her, she terrifies me, I need you to know this. I know she's helping you prepare the house, but it's clean and I'll be here in a couple months, I'll be able to clean the house as we agreed. I know the bedroom is an explosion of things but I am begging you, don't let her in our bedroom."
Daffy took in everything I said and let me know that they wanted me to feel safe and agreed to the ONE boundary I asked. Lezah stays out of the bedroom, that's all I care about. We planned to meet again so I could drop off more of my stuff so we didn't need a huge truck to move everything over.
We visited one more time, this time it was Me, Lola and Bugs. We get there and Lezah answers the door and says 'You were not invited, this is a bad time.'
This was going to be my home in less than a month and I'm being kicked out and I am slowly starting to realize just how much of Daffy's life this woman has taken over. Daffy had been going to Lezah for everything, all of it. They had a question on how to do anything they went to Lezah, I was no longer existing, I was a professional home cleaner for years and Daffy went to Lezah for cleaning help. Bugs and Lola owned a home but Daffy went to Lezah for home ownership advise, despite her not even owning her place. Babs and Buster have been married for a while, Lola and Bug have been married over a decade! But Daffy went to Lezah for relationship advise...before coming to me! Their Partner.
We did get inside because the the landlord invited us in and we got to learn that they were selling the house and Daffy and I would need to find a new place to live. Daffy was broken and I tried, so hard, to try and comfort them. Don't worry we will find a place, we can figure it out, we got this, we have always found a way. Daffy was so upset and I finally felt like there was something I was able to do that Lezah couldn't. The first time in months I felt like my Fiancé was my Fiancé again.
Was I ever wrong.
When we were finally able to sit and talk without Lezah we got support from Lola and Bugs and things seemed okay. I was feeling better about the relationship. I got home to a wall of text saying it was not my place to come over uninvited (Despite having plans) and kick out her friend and the Land Lord (I did no such thing) and that this was their home and it wasn't my place to make those decisions. How dare I chase them out of the house (They were upset, of course I went after them) and that my attitude towards Lezah was inappropriate and that I need to be more concerned about the situation.
I was shattered, I didn't know what I did wrong and I was suddenly very scared about what I may have done. I showed all of this to Lola and she agreed that this didn't seem right. I asked Bugs for his advise and he said that I had every right to not want Lezah there, she was dangerous and manipulative. I called up Babs and asked them and they said that they didn't find anything wrong with Lezah and then Buster piped up that Lezah was not to be trusted. So that is 3 out of 4 people telling me that Lezah is not a good person.
I asked Buster if they noticed anything off with Daffy and he told me that Daffy's personality did a 180, they were nasty, they had become very controlling and aggressive. I noticed this in a lot of our texts, I had been showing them properties because we had planned on moving out of the city to start a homestead and I was just tossing links into chat for fun. Just a 'Look at how pretty this place is, what do you like about it?' just trying to get ideas. I wasn't planning on buying but apparently that's what Daffy thought I was doing, they never told me this though. I also have terrible joint pain so I have a hard time with most jobs but I was able to line up two high paying interviews, one of which reached out to me. Daffy thought I was just going to stay home and look after the home without contributing to the actual income of the house. They never talked to me about this.
I learned all of this after we had a call the day before we were supposed to move in. Daffy called after work, after I asked them if they even wanted me in their life. They snapped, calling me possessive and dismissive. I admit I was being protective, but I took the lashing and then...gave up. I asked if this would work and they said 'I don't think so, I think we moved too fast, I want to end the engagement..."
"I'll come get my stuff tomorrow," I hung up after goodbyes and just...shell shocked. This person who I have known for a decade, someone I had given my life too for almost 18 months, someone I considered my life and home just...swung out of left field. I haven't had any proper communication for 4 months, all out date nights had been taken over my Lezah, a woman everyone was saying was manipulative and dangerous. I looked at Bugs and Lola and asked what I did wrong and both said 'nothing.' I wasn't in the wrong, I tried so hard, I had already mourned the relationship and I just. There were other things, an add posted in a group for pet friendly homes, Daffy included the cats, the dog and not me, I didn't exist.
We drove to their house and they answered the door wearing my ring and the necklace I got them for Christmas. The begged me to stay and talk, but they didn't give me a reason too. They said we moved to fast, we never really dated, we didn't have a chance to get to know each other, to be a couple to live together as a couple. They begged me to just stay, to not leave, "I need your friendship, I can't loose that, can we just start over. A restart, we can date like a couple, end the engagement and just restart the relationship?"
They wanted to restart the relationship. They wanted to break the engagement and restart the entire relationship.
I couldn't even be mad, Lola was mad though, Lola was so mad. Lola watched me break apart for months and try and make it work, she wanted us to work. I didn't want to talk, I just wanted my stuff and to leave, four months of no communication unless it was to be yelled at. Four months of watching Lezah take my place, and learning later that Lezah had been in the bedroom after I had said that I didn't want her in there. The ONE boundary I set down for Lezah and it was crossed almost immediately.
Lola talked to Daffy while I was standing by the car (I couldn't get in, the door was stuck because of a pile of frozen snow so I had to stand there like a depressed mess waiting for Mom to let me in, it was funny after the fact) and Daffy asked when they could do to save the relationship.
I think Lola said something like "Get rid of Lezah, get a proper job without her and stop taking advise from a woman who sells black market dogs from her basement. Now go eat something, drink water and nap. Keep in touch with us, we want to help."
We went home and it's been two weeks. I told Daffy that when they are ready, they can contact me. Lola and Bugs are taking me with them when they move because I have nowhere else to go. Bugs has been in contact with Daffy and they have been talking but even that seems to have stopped.
I'm worried that Lezah has completely isolated Daffy, and I want to reach out but I don't know if they would listen to me even if I tried. Daffy might have to end up homeless and desperate before they fine me, but I don't know if I should even take them back. I was hurt and betrayed, and I was mad but the anger is gone and now I'm just so very hurt.
So reddit...would you take back Daffy, I don't blame them, none of us do, we all think Lezah is the main problem. What do you think? Should I let Daffy back in my life if they ask or just...pick up the pieces and move on?

I’ve been in the door to door space for nearly 17 years, currently selling solar in California which has been amazing (made 600k last year) but that is all coming to a halt April 15th because of some new legislation being passed that will cut our commission by nearly 70%. I have about 500k in cash, and was pitched the idea of purchasing a frac sand truck from a customer of mine who had recently purchased his first truck and runs it out of Beaver Creek, ND. He has a driver that drives for him and runs it remotely. He claims his 1 truck profits about 20k a month, and profits nearly 100k a year- i assumed these were best case circumstances because he did mention he’s had some hiccups along the way like buying a lemon as his first truck thats set him back quite a bit. His goal was to run 5 trucks in the next few years. The numbers almost seem too good to be true but now that my main source of income is going to be a thing of the past its very tempting to pivot and go all in on the venture.
Is there anyone here who has had any experience in running a frac sand trucking company? Could anyone point me in the right direction as to what markets are the most profitable? I’ve become super passionate about the idea the last few weeks. I projected the initial start up would be around 30k to get a truck, licenses, dmv fees etc. but how easy is it to really break into this space? If anyone has any experience or recommendations as to whether this would be a good source of income that i could fully transition to or if it’s a dying industry and i should look else where let me know. I’m open to suggestions with some capital to make some moves.

Hi ShopifyeCommerce - I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter. Each week I post a summary recap of this week's top stories, which I cover in depth in the newsletter.
.

1. STAT OF THE WEEK: 92% of Zillennials prefer to shop in-store despite being digital natives. They are also leading the charge in consumer demand for cross-channel experiences. – According to PYMNTS .
2. Shopify is in talks with Amazon about adding its Buy with Prime service as a payment / fulfillment partner. When speaking at the Morgan Stanley Technology Media and Telecom Conference earlier this month, Finkelstein said, “I'm optimistic we'll get there with Amazon. We have a good history and a good relationship with them.” However Finkelstein later added that if a deal were to get done with Amazon, it would be on Shopify's terms — leaving merchants in control of their customer and order data. .
3. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) published a report analyzing the financial profiles of consumers who use BNPL. The report found that BNPL borrowers on average are more likely to be active users of credit cards and payday loans, more likely to exhibit signs of financial distress, had higher usage of loan products compared to non-borrowers, had a higher frequency of reported delinquencies in other accounts, and had average credit scores in the sub-prime range of 580-669 versus the near-prime range of 670-739 of non-borrowers. In a statement released with the report, CFPB Director Rohit Chopra noted that there is a common misconception that BNPL borrowers lack access to other forms of credit and that the survey data instead indicates that BNPL borrowers are more likely to use a wider variety of credit products than non-borrowers. .
4. The Biden administration is planning to take action on at least three of its half-dozen investigations of Amazon. POLITICO spoke to more than 10 people with direct knowledge of the investigations by the FTC to learn how the agency is now pursuing Amazon, why it didn't take action on the One Medical acquisition, and what's likely to happen in the coming months. .
5. eBay competes with Facebook Marketplace, but NOT with Facebook's social network — at least that's what it told a judge last Monday. eBay filed a motion to quash Meta's deposition subpoenas, claiming that it had already worked with Meta for a year and already disclosed nearly 2,500 pages of internal records to the company. eBay's lawyers said, “Meta's discovery gluttony confirms its request of eBay is not worthy of the burden Meta seeks to impose. The breadth of the subpoena is alarming.” .
6. Klaviyo laid off 10% of its workforce, or approximately 140 staff members across all teams including engineering and design, in what they said is an effort to reduce redundancy and recalibrate their areas of investment for the future. .
7. Fetch Rewards, a shopper rewards startup, also laid off 10% of its workforce, comprising of around 100 employees. Fetch was impacted by the SVB situation, but a spokesperson for the company said that the decision to restructure was in the works prior. .
8. Anchorage Digital, a fintech that offers prime brokerage services and custom API integrations for financial institutions, laid off 20% of its staff, or about 75 employees, citing regulatory uncertainty, crypto market volatility, and macroeconomic headwinds. In December 2021, the startup raised $350M in a Series D round, valuing the company at over $3B. .
9. Twitch announced it would be laying off over 400 of its 13,600 employees, also pointing to the current macroeconomic and missed projections as the cause. The layoffs come a week after cofounder and CEO Emmett Shear stepped down from his role. .
10. In addition to those lay offs at Twitch, its parent company Amazon also announced another 9,000 lay offs, bringing its total to around 27,00 since late last year. Most of the cuts will be from AWS, advertising, and human resources. .
11. Amazon sent a survey to users asking detailed questions about which features would convince them to download and try a new desktop browser from Amazon. Users were asked to rate the important of features including text to speech, extensions, data syncing across desktop and mobile devices, and blocking third-party cookies. This would not be Amazon's first attempt at a browser. The company launched Silk browser in 2011, which is built on the Chromium Project and used for its own products including Fire Tablets, Fire TVs, and Echo Show devices. .
12. Amazon Go stores have no cashiers and instead use a system of cameras, sensors, and motion detection software to track customer shopping. New York City customers are now suing Amazon in a class action lawsuit which claims that Amazon collected data on the shape and size of customers' bodies, as well as scans of some customers' hands, without proper warning. .
13. Meta rolled out blue ticks in the US, costing $11.99/mo via web or $14.99/mo via app store. Web sign ups only receive the blue checkmark on Facebook, while the mobile app sign ups includes the blue checkmark for both Facebook and Instagram. .
14. Paramount Global is rolling out a mountain of merchandise from Paramount Pictures, CBS, MTV, BET and Comedy Central to Nickelodeon and Showtime. The site launched on Wednesday under the tagline “Where Products Are Paramount.” .
15. Lands End reported that their e-commerce net revenue decreased 10.1% to $1.1B for the fiscal year, primarily driven by lower consumer demand caused by the global supply chain challenges in the first half of fiscal 2022. Gap also reported a 10% drop in online sales for Q4, however, the company's e-commerce revenue is still up 29% compared to pre-pandemic 2019. .
16. Amazon will discontinue distributing Kindle Newsstand subscriptions in September and is no longer selling new Kindle Newsstand subscriptions for magazines and newspapers as of this month. Starting in June, Amazon will no longer alow users to manage print subscriptions either, and subscribers will have to deal with the publishers independently. .
17. Ulta Beauty is transforming its e-commerce operation with Google Cloud, Google Kubernetes Engine, and Anthos cloud-based managed services solution, which will enable the company to save several hundred thousand dollars in additional licensing fees. The company is relaunching its e-commerce platform with multiple, distinct microservices to perform unique functions. .
18. ALPHV, a ransomware group, claims to have breached Amazon Ring and is threatening to publish its data. Since Ring devices support E2EE in most countries, which means that neither Amazon, law enforcement, nor ransomware groups could access uploaded footage, it is possible that ALPHV exfiltrated corporate or customer data rather than video. .
19. About You, a German fashion e-commerce platform, introduced a minimum order amount of €30 to obtain free shipping, while customers with smaller orders will have to pay €4.90. The new feeds are already in effect in Germany, and will eventually be rolled out to all markets. Last week I reported that their parent company, The German Otto Group, was disbanding its operations of MyToys.de by next year. .
20. AliExpress launched its AliExpress Choice service in Spain, which will offer a curation of the best value products the platform has to offer and a new monthly shopping event “Choice Day”. The marketplace has been offering a nine-day delivery time for customers since the beginning of this month, and hopes to have 7,500 pick-up locations throughout Spain by the end of the month. .
21. Wix partnered with Forter, a US-based trust platform for digital commerce, to increase approval frates for merchants while minimizing fraud. Forter will deliver its real-time decisions to Wix merchants in certain regions using an identity-based decision engine. .
22. Searchspring, a specialist in site search and e-commerce personalization, appointed Alex Kombos as CEO to head up its next stage of growth. Kombos previously served as CEO at Pressable, which is part of Automattic. .
23. Brightcove, a streaming technology platform, introduced new integrations with Shopify, Instagram, and Salesforce Sales Cloud to its video cloud platform. The integrations enable merchants and content creators to leverage live and on-demand video content. .
24. WooCommerce 7.5.0 was released this week with three new blocks for the Product Archive templates including a new Store Breadcrumb block, Product Results Count block, and a Catalog Sorting block. The release includes two database updates, 278 commits to WooCommerce Core, and rolls in 170 commits from the WooCommerce Blocks plugin. .
25. Some eBay affiliates were hit with hefty bank fees after Impact, the company that eBay uses to manage its affiliate program, used wire transfer instead of ACH transfer to distribute funds to affiliate's bank accounts. eBay was responsive to affiliates and said that it will reimburse those who were unexpectedly charged wire transfer fees by their banks. .
26. Plus 13 seed rounds, IPOs, and acquisitions of interest including Stripe's $6.5B raise from Andreessen Horowitz, Founders Fund, Goldman Sachs, and Temasek at a $50B valuation, a steep discount from its record valuation of $95B in 2021. .

For more details on each story, see the full edition: https://www.shopifreaks.com/shopify-buy-with-prime-bnpl-demographics-apple-specialists/
What else is new in e-commerce? Share stories of interesting in the comments below (including in your own business) or on shopifreaks.
See you next week.
-PAUL

Hi ecommerce - I'm Paul and I follow the e-commerce industry pretty closely for my Shopifreaks E-commerce Newsletter. Each week I post a summary recap of this week's top stories, which I cover in depth in the newsletter.
.

1. STAT OF THE WEEK: 92% of Zillennials prefer to shop in-store despite being digital natives. They are also leading the charge in consumer demand for cross-channel experiences. – According to PYMNTS .
2. Shopify is in talks with Amazon about adding its Buy with Prime service as a payment / fulfillment partner. When speaking at the Morgan Stanley Technology Media and Telecom Conference earlier this month, Finkelstein said, “I'm optimistic we'll get there with Amazon. We have a good history and a good relationship with them.” However Finkelstein later added that if a deal were to get done with Amazon, it would be on Shopify's terms — leaving merchants in control of their customer and order data. .
3. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB) published a report analyzing the financial profiles of consumers who use BNPL. The report found that BNPL borrowers on average are more likely to be active users of credit cards and payday loans, more likely to exhibit signs of financial distress, had higher usage of loan products compared to non-borrowers, had a higher frequency of reported delinquencies in other accounts, and had average credit scores in the sub-prime range of 580-669 versus the near-prime range of 670-739 of non-borrowers. In a statement released with the report, CFPB Director Rohit Chopra noted that there is a common misconception that BNPL borrowers lack access to other forms of credit and that the survey data instead indicates that BNPL borrowers are more likely to use a wider variety of credit products than non-borrowers. .
4. The Biden administration is planning to take action on at least three of its half-dozen investigations of Amazon. POLITICO spoke to more than 10 people with direct knowledge of the investigations by the FTC to learn how the agency is now pursuing Amazon, why it didn't take action on the One Medical acquisition, and what's likely to happen in the coming months. .
5. eBay competes with Facebook Marketplace, but NOT with Facebook's social network — at least that's what it told a judge last Monday. eBay filed a motion to quash Meta's deposition subpoenas, claiming that it had already worked with Meta for a year and already disclosed nearly 2,500 pages of internal records to the company. eBay's lawyers said, “Meta's discovery gluttony confirms its request of eBay is not worthy of the burden Meta seeks to impose. The breadth of the subpoena is alarming.” .
6. Klaviyo laid off 10% of its workforce, or approximately 140 staff members across all teams including engineering and design, in what they said is an effort to reduce redundancy and recalibrate their areas of investment for the future. .
7. Fetch Rewards, a shopper rewards startup, also laid off 10% of its workforce, comprising of around 100 employees. Fetch was impacted by the SVB situation, but a spokesperson for the company said that the decision to restructure was in the works prior. .
8. Anchorage Digital, a fintech that offers prime brokerage services and custom API integrations for financial institutions, laid off 20% of its staff, or about 75 employees, citing regulatory uncertainty, crypto market volatility, and macroeconomic headwinds. In December 2021, the startup raised $350M in a Series D round, valuing the company at over $3B. .
9. Twitch announced it would be laying off over 400 of its 13,600 employees, also pointing to the current macroeconomic and missed projections as the cause. The layoffs come a week after cofounder and CEO Emmett Shear stepped down from his role. .
10. In addition to those lay offs at Twitch, its parent company Amazon also announced another 9,000 lay offs, bringing its total to around 27,00 since late last year. Most of the cuts will be from AWS, advertising, and human resources. .
11. Amazon sent a survey to users asking detailed questions about which features would convince them to download and try a new desktop browser from Amazon. Users were asked to rate the important of features including text to speech, extensions, data syncing across desktop and mobile devices, and blocking third-party cookies. This would not be Amazon's first attempt at a browser. The company launched Silk browser in 2011, which is built on the Chromium Project and used for its own products including Fire Tablets, Fire TVs, and Echo Show devices. .
12. Amazon Go stores have no cashiers and instead use a system of cameras, sensors, and motion detection software to track customer shopping. New York City customers are now suing Amazon in a class action lawsuit which claims that Amazon collected data on the shape and size of customers' bodies, as well as scans of some customers' hands, without proper warning. .
13. Meta rolled out blue ticks in the US, costing $11.99/mo via web or $14.99/mo via app store. Web sign ups only receive the blue checkmark on Facebook, while the mobile app sign ups includes the blue checkmark for both Facebook and Instagram. .
14. Paramount Global is rolling out a mountain of merchandise from Paramount Pictures, CBS, MTV, BET and Comedy Central to Nickelodeon and Showtime. The site launched on Wednesday under the tagline “Where Products Are Paramount.” .
15. Lands End reported that their e-commerce net revenue decreased 10.1% to $1.1B for the fiscal year, primarily driven by lower consumer demand caused by the global supply chain challenges in the first half of fiscal 2022. Gap also reported a 10% drop in online sales for Q4, however, the company's e-commerce revenue is still up 29% compared to pre-pandemic 2019. .
16. Amazon will discontinue distributing Kindle Newsstand subscriptions in September and is no longer selling new Kindle Newsstand subscriptions for magazines and newspapers as of this month. Starting in June, Amazon will no longer alow users to manage print subscriptions either, and subscribers will have to deal with the publishers independently. .
17. Ulta Beauty is transforming its e-commerce operation with Google Cloud, Google Kubernetes Engine, and Anthos cloud-based managed services solution, which will enable the company to save several hundred thousand dollars in additional licensing fees. The company is relaunching its e-commerce platform with multiple, distinct microservices to perform unique functions. .
18. ALPHV, a ransomware group, claims to have breached Amazon Ring and is threatening to publish its data. Since Ring devices support E2EE in most countries, which means that neither Amazon, law enforcement, nor ransomware groups could access uploaded footage, it is possible that ALPHV exfiltrated corporate or customer data rather than video. .
19. About You, a German fashion e-commerce platform, introduced a minimum order amount of €30 to obtain free shipping, while customers with smaller orders will have to pay €4.90. The new feeds are already in effect in Germany, and will eventually be rolled out to all markets. Last week I reported that their parent company, The German Otto Group, was disbanding its operations of MyToys.de by next year. .
20. AliExpress launched its AliExpress Choice service in Spain, which will offer a curation of the best value products the platform has to offer and a new monthly shopping event “Choice Day”. The marketplace has been offering a nine-day delivery time for customers since the beginning of this month, and hopes to have 7,500 pick-up locations throughout Spain by the end of the month. .
21. Wix partnered with Forter, a US-based trust platform for digital commerce, to increase approval frates for merchants while minimizing fraud. Forter will deliver its real-time decisions to Wix merchants in certain regions using an identity-based decision engine. .
22. Searchspring, a specialist in site search and e-commerce personalization, appointed Alex Kombos as CEO to head up its next stage of growth. Kombos previously served as CEO at Pressable, which is part of Automattic. .
23. Brightcove, a streaming technology platform, introduced new integrations with Shopify, Instagram, and Salesforce Sales Cloud to its video cloud platform. The integrations enable merchants and content creators to leverage live and on-demand video content. .
24. WooCommerce 7.5.0 was released this week with three new blocks for the Product Archive templates including a new Store Breadcrumb block, Product Results Count block, and a Catalog Sorting block. The release includes two database updates, 278 commits to WooCommerce Core, and rolls in 170 commits from the WooCommerce Blocks plugin. .
25. Some eBay affiliates were hit with hefty bank fees after Impact, the company that eBay uses to manage its affiliate program, used wire transfer instead of ACH transfer to distribute funds to affiliate's bank accounts. eBay was responsive to affiliates and said that it will reimburse those who were unexpectedly charged wire transfer fees by their banks. .
26. Plus 13 seed rounds, IPOs, and acquisitions of interest including Stripe's $6.5B raise from Andreessen Horowitz, Founders Fund, Goldman Sachs, and Temasek at a $50B valuation, a steep discount from its record valuation of $95B in 2021. .

I hope you find this news recap helpful. See you next week!
-PAUL

Howdy, y'all. I've been dogshit at reposting all this stuff, and now there's more stuff, so here goes. More or less in order of most to least expensive. If you want to bundle some shit, let me know and we can work out a discount. If you REALLY want something and want to shoot your shot, go for it. I want this out of my house.
https://imgur.com/a/GMZWJUe

1. Crye JPC 1.0 Multicam, Large. Includes mag retention inserts if you want to use this without the bungee pull tabs. $225 shipped and insured.
   
2. Primary Arms SLx Full Size Magnifier on Vortex Micro mount. Genuinely the best magnifier on the market. Unfortunately it just doesn't work with my Unity FTC, so it has to go. $200 shipped and insured.
   
3. Surefire Glock 17 Threaded Barrel. Made by Zev. Nearly new and unused. Tried to fit it on a pistol and it didn't work. It's my understanding these work in Gen 1-4 Glock 17s, but not 5. $150 shipped and insured
   

4. Ballistic Advantage M4 Profile 14.5" Barrel. New and unused. Will include a barrel nut, end cap, and A2 FH. If you want an M4gery and provide a new FSB, I can mate the two for you and assemble it, too. $120 shipped and insured. If you ship parts in for assembly/work, we can work out a deal.
5. Stormwerkz/Manticore Arms AK Stock. Don't know much about AKs and no longer own one, so don't need this. $110 shipped and insured.

1. Spyderco Delica Wharncliffe with Wise Men Company Fang. In-laws got me an Emerson Delica for Christmas. Don't need this anymore. $110 shipped and insured.
   
2. Crye Drifire Field Shirt. Large regular. Includes Airflex elbow pads. Had name tapes and badges sewn on. Those have been removed. $110 shipped and insured.
   
3. Zaffiri Precision Glock 19 Threaded Barrel. Unknown round count, don't have thread protector anymore. $100 shipped and insured.
   
4. Surefire E2T-MV Tactician. Great EDC light, but I can make do with a Macrostream for most tasks. $95 shipped and insured.
   
5. Shadow Systems DR920 Trigger. Had 200 rounds or so through it before I upgraded to an Alpha trigger. Nonetheless, a nice upgraded Glock 17-pattern trigger. $95 shipped and insured.
   
6. Agilite Pincer Placard. Just didn't like the overhang of the chest rig loops and went back to a Daeodon. Nonetheless one of the best mag shingles on the market and the fact it allows you to adjust the ride height is very nice. $60 shipped and insured.
   
7. Crye cummerbund off a JPC 2.0. It came off a large carrier, so I think this is the L/XL setup. $50 shipped and insured.
   
8. Massif combat shirt, OCP, medium. $45 shipped and insured.
   
9. Truglo Glock 19 Night Sights. Don't let the packaging fool you, they're not Ameriglos. Will also install these for you if you'd like. $45 shipped and insured.
   

15. Arisaka Inline Scout Mount. Very mild wear. $35 shipped and insured.

1. Microbat Systems Tentacle Lanyard in multicam black. 2 available. $30 shipped and insured.

17. Safariland UBL and QLS. Would prefer to sell as a package. $30 for both, $20 a piece? Not 100% sure on these.

1. Magpul MOE FDE handguard. Midlength and carbine available. $30 shipped and insured each.
   
2. Some kind of belt-mounted multicam IFAK. $25 shipped and insured.
   
3. Black A2 grips. Free in any package, just ask for one in addition to anything else you want to buy.
   

I was suddenly broken up with on Thursday morning by someone I had been with for nearly a year. Since then I have barely been able to think about food or make myself eat. I was struggling making myself get out of bed and wash too so thought it could just be a bit of depression. I have since made myself wash and clean a bit and leave my room. However the eating thing hasn’t got much better. My appetite is completely messed up. When I smell food I feel repulsed or put off. When I make myself eat something I feel like being sick after. I often feel nauseous and keep getting headaches. I can’t drive myself to cook anything and hardly feel hungry or want food.
I will eat or try my best to finish food if people make or buy me food but it’ll usually take a while for me to chew it and it tastes wrong. I’m type 1 diabetic so going without is slightly more dangerous for me than the average pancreas-functioning person and my mum is stressing out and constantly calling me. My friends are concerned and one of them has insisted on eating with me but food is just so…unappealing to me at the moment.
Any advice?

Hi folks.
I got a free invite to a press screening I had no right to attend. I'm not a movie journalist/reviewer, and this isn't going to be a comprehensive review of Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves. If you care to know, I'd say it's about as good as the first Guardians of the Galaxy film. Autuer sincerety somehow snuck under the radar of an otherwise corporate item.
EDIT: Spoiler warning. I don't talk about specific plot points, and took care to avoid anything much more specific than "combat happens" or "spellcasting happens." Still, I'd recommend not reading if your not a spoiler sort of person.
More so, I want to talk about how the movie is exciting, high octane, and completely unrelated to how the game runs at the table. I think people unfamiliar with this hobby are going to see it, or be dragged by friends to see it, be convinced to try 5e out, and feel like they got positvely cheated.
This post is about to be mean as all get to 5e. If you like the system, I genuinely encourage you not to read any further. Don't let me yuck your yum.
Part One: But Of Course!
To be clear, I wasn't expecting people to take 1 sword swing in six seconds, or fight in turns on a grid. I figured there would be libereties. What I didn't expect was for the liberties to be that.... liberal? I'd say maybe 10 percent of the film can be replicated at the table, rules as written. That is my point of contention, and why I think viewers turned players are actually going to want to play any other game system than 5e.
Part 2: Nothing but DM Fiat
Specifically, the issue resides in how a lot of the action, combat, character abilities, spellcasting, and hiest-planning actually cannot exist in game, as portrayed in the folm. Not without the DM tossing the whole ruleset to the side and running a game composed of literally only the rule of cool.
COMBAT: At several points in the game, the barbarian character engages whole squads of enemies solo. The following parts of those fights can't be replicated in DnD:
1) Action economy: Eay and simple. 1 vs. 10 would be a drawn out disaster, even if the barbarian was much higher level than the mooks. Bouded accuracy and mostly static AC means that the barb couldn't walk out of 200 sword swings completely untouched.
2) Reactivity: A lot of the action revolves around the barbarian reacting to enemies. Not just locking swords with them, but disarming them, feinting and tripping, knocking them into each other. None of these things are mechanically present at the table. Attacks of opprotunity are not nearly this flexible. You roll to hit, you hit or you miss. You make 1 attack of opprotunity a round.
Edge case: When an enemy attacks you, the mechanics does really exist for you to deflect to disarm an oponent.
The only subclass that can get this is the battlemaster. It's a limitted resource that would need to be conserved across fights, not used with impunity. This movie is proof positive that the Superiority Dice mechanic and it's manuevers should have been standard for every single martial character.... and to be honest, shouldn't have a limit. Making standard attacks in DnD is the most boring "attack" action of any game I've ever run or played.
3) the environment matters. Half of the kills or knockouts in these repeat fights are subject to the barbarian using improvised weapons, smashing oponents into the environment, dipping them in molten metal, using existing terrain to block attacks. Each of these are partially possible, but nowhere near as fluidly. In game terms, attempting to leverage the terrain like this is strategically awful, reliant on DM charity to apply damage/profeciency, or so on.
On the DM's side, half of these "manuevers" are gonig to sit firmly in your court to arbitrate on the fly, using 5e's lackluster "rulings not rules" philosophy in a way that would get draining and stressful over the course of 1 combat. Much less several.
To replicate: You'd need much more flexible games, like Fung Shui 2, FATE, Savage Worlds, or if you're looking for something old school, at the ever least you're going to DCC for the Mighty Deeds mechanic.
CHARACTER BUILD
1) Edgin the Bard, played by Chris Pine, is actually flat out not a bard. He can't cast spells, his music has no magical effects, et cetera. He can't really fight, either. His whole value is being the "plan" guy, much like Sokka in ATLA was, before he recieved his training montage.The few times he participates in violence, it's by subterfuge. While the oponents are distracted, he'll sneak behind them and deck them with his lute. Overall, much closer to a mastermind rogue... one of the most DM reliant and maligned subclasses in the system. You can, barely, play Edgin in the game. Your teammates will suffer for your genuine lack of assistance in combat. Making improvised strikes with a lute once every four rounds is a mechanical dead end, rules as written.
2) The druid transforms into monster that, per the rules, it cannot. A shame, really. The bugbear animtation was cuts as fuck. DnD One has also nerfed animal shaping a lot in it's recent updates. Half the animals that are critical for the Movie Druid's usefullness (like turning into a fly to spy on others) are no longer available, or if they are, only at exceedingly high levels. A player looking to play like this Movie Druid is going to wait 100s of hours of game time to get close to what they saw on screen, if they ever get it.
3)Dumb thing, but the Paladin doesn't actually smite anyone, at any point of the movie. That really caught me by suprise. It's iconic, flashy, and straight forward. Why not include it? Instead, they're reliant on a 2 handed sword that splits into 2 different 1 handed swords at will, and a two weapon style of fighting much more easy to emulate on a ranger. It's a small thing, but I do not think you could succesfully emulate this paladin, or what they do, without the DM fabricating specialty magic weapons for you. The Paladin also, at least once or twice, uses one of the weapons to pin an enemy he stabbed through into a wall or rock. I don't believe this is posible in game at all? Correct me if I'm wrong.
SPELL CASTING: Probably the biggest offender. The spells in this film interact in a way the game has no mechanics for. We see mage hands dueling in extended arm wrestling sequences. We see spells bounce off each other.
My biggest issue with 5e is how clunky each spell is, in an attempt to fabricate gaming legalese to discourage creative, unintended or "op" use of the spells. Creativty is considered hostile, and the game is set on not letting you get away with horse-shit just because you're a magic caster. On the flip-side, I'd say the movie is really excited to let the magicians engage in glorious horse-shittery. There's a sequence where a single character reverses gravity in the midst of their up-and-down fall. So far as I know, you cannot do this without the DM's explicit cooperation, and completely ignoring the mechanics of limitted spell slots.
Special shout out goes to a magic staff that works like Valve's Portal Gun (from the videogame Portal, of course.) It has seemingly unlimitted charges, and unlimitted distance. Two properties that I don't think I've ever seen a published magic item get away with in 5e, but I could be wrong here.
The Heist: I'm going to limit the amount of plot related spoilers here by saying that any DM wanting to run this style of heist is going to need to tear out Blades in the Dark's guts and sew them into 5e to get anywhere near this intricate and flexible. Maybe make players spend Inspirations on flashbacks? Best of luck, if you try this.
Part Three: Does That Matter?
The reason I wrote this post, is because I defintely think that this hypothetical is going to bite new players' asses, and drive them away.
There's back and forth about whether the "Matt Mercer" effect is real, or what exactly it means. I'm not going to make use of that moniker. What I will say, is that during college, I had plenty of friends who wanted to get into DnD because of Critical Role. Because I'm a relentless, shameless, no-good, scumbag 5e hater, I didn't run it for them. I told them that I thought the rules would be too granular. I said that they should have fun trying it, and that I'll run them something more scenematic if they end up not liking 5e.
Anecdotal, obviously, but about 20 out of 25 different people I talked to had the experience I expected. I eventually ran them different games. Mostly Dungoen World, the FFG Star Wars game, and FATE. Now, it's mostly Forged in the Dark games.
As an adult out of school, the tradition continues. I won't run 5e, and most of the people I run games for end up preferring everything from Scum and Villainy to Burning Wheel instead. Watching a group of players have an easier time learning Burning Wheel, than making DnD 5e behave like a medieval Knights of the Realm story engine, was really eye opening. Suggestion: start with the minature Hot Circle hack, and then upgrade to Burning Wheel proper after a few sessions.
Part 4: Extra Salt in the Wound...
There's a big, triumphant speech in this movie about failing, and adapting to failure. I would even go so far as to say that failing forward is a theme of the film. DnD 5e famously does not have fail-forward mechanics. Not a substantive critique of the film, but something I personally found funny. Fucking up in DnD means nothing happens. Fucking up in the movie was the only way forward.
In Closing
No clue if this was a meaningful read for you, dear Redditor. Apologies if it wasn't.
If your experience with 5e is wildly different than mine, though... I'm just curious to hear how much of that was playing with homebrew, or with your DM's cooperation. I don't think I'm wrong about what 5e is, in writing. I know a lot of people don't play as written, though.
I hope whatever system youdo play, you're having fun. I hope that if you see the movie, you enjoy it.
Have a great evening.

About Me

Hello everyone! You can call me Ray or Journey (he/she/they). I'm 21, live out on the east coast of the US, and am a college junior studying chemistry. I have about 1 year's worth of experience DMing thus far (and I am currently DMing another weekly 5e campaign on Fridays) and 3 years overall with nearly weekly play of 5e. Outside of D&D and school, I'm a singer, radio DJ, and theater-lover who plays way too many video games and sees way too much live music.
I'm a DM who cares a lot about consistency, fairness and balance between players, and open communication about rules. I'm known for making quite a few homebrew alterations to rules in order to ensure this, not necessarily doing everything exactly RAW, though RAW/RAI remains a basis for decision-making. I am always open to talking about whether or not certain rulings are fair and/or fun for players and potentially changing them for the future, but I also do seek to limit the amount of debate happening around a ruling mid-game for the sake of flow.
If you are expecting a DM who goes 110% all-in on making visual aids like city maps, tons of minis, etc. then I'm probably not the DM for you. As a student, I have to spend what little free time I have developing the actual content and world y'all will be playing in, and I find creating visual aids like the aforementioned the biggest time sink, so I rely on theater of the mind for many things. It is possible that unplanned combat encounters may not get maps, not all NPCs will have art, etc. I can guarantee that there will be a world/regional map, that I'll play music most of the time during the session (for as long as there is still a bot out there with YouTube integration...), and that at least some NPCs of import will get Hero Forges made for them, but that's about as much as I can promise.
I get very involved in roleplaying, but I'm no voice actor. I do my best to differentiate characters with the limited number of tones and accents I can do, but sometimes they'll be just my voice with a certain mannerism of talking. Again, if your immersion really depends on something like this, I may not be a good DM for you.

My Ideal Player...

• is 18+. Although the campaign will not feature explicit sexual content (ie., all encounters of that nature will fade to black), the campaign will feature adult themes that are not appropriate for minors. Even if it didn't, I'm not comfortable playing with people under 18.
• is LGBTQ+; please respect this if you're considering applying! Special consideration will be given to other trans and nonbinary people, as we rarely have spaces where we can feel welcome, but you can absolutely still apply if you're a queer cis person.
• is rules-knowledgeable and has at least some experience playing in a long-term 5e campaign—the more the better, preferably. I have nothing inherently against new or inexperienced players (I have several in my other game), and they are welcome to shoot their shot and apply still, but this is going to be a very dense campaign, so I need players who are very familiar with the base rules, know how to take notes effectively and maintain a character sheet, can get into character, and all-around are able to keep up without a lot of hand-holding. I also need players who are knowledgeable about what hue of the rainbow I prefer, which is purple.
• is committed. For several reasons, I don't run sessions if not all players can be present, which makes player attendance even more crucial. I expect players to be there and to communicate when they can't be in as timely of a fashion as possible for the situation. I'm not going to impose arbitrary limits on how many sessions you can cancel in X period of time, as I know both other things you can't/don't want to miss and emergencies will invariably happen sometimes—just don't be a chronic flake, or you'll get the boot.
• isn't a shithead. You know what I mean.

About the Campaign

Style: Expect a heavy lean on roleplay and exploration-based encounters over combat (approx 80/20 split). The narrative is PC-driven. There tends to be an overarching plot, but what is done in the moment and how it gets done is pretty much always up to the players. Partially to compensate the low ratio of combat but also to go with the setting, expect combat to be difficult. I'm not out to kill you necessarily, but no punches will be pulled. Character death is on the table if you make enough stupid choices in a row.
Setting: As alluded to in the title, the setting is going to be grimdark, gothic, horror, and also low-ish magic in nature. I'm holding back on giving detailed descriptions of locations and lore because I find that they usually make little sense without more context and that a lot of it is built around PCs and different PCs will have different world knowledge. Predictably, the setting will be homebrew in essentially its entirety; it's also very collaborative. If you want to make a whole town as part of your backstory, that's very encouraged!
Characters: I'm not explicitly banning any official material from the game, but all mechanical choices should have narrative justification for them and be appropriate for the setting... so certain Spelljammer material, for example, might not be the best choice. I'm open to UA and homebrew material (I will even make you homebrew material like races and subclasses if you ask nicely because I enjoy doing it), but all of this is, of course, subject to my discretion and editing before being allowed. In the course of the campaign if we find it to be under- or overpowered, then it is subject to being tweaked. Don't let the low-ish magic setting make you afraid of building a spellcaster; it will be a hard road to take, but I will do my best to ensure that the payoff is worth it. Characters will start at level 1, level up through milestone leveling, and make it up until either level 20 (and potentially beyond) or the campaign reaches a satisfying end—whichever happens first (ie., I make no promises for how long long-term means exactly).
House Rules: We will definitely be using the gritty realism variant rule from the DMG, which makes short rests last 8 hours and long rests last 7 days. Other difficulty-enhancing variant rules are to be discussed during our session 0, but they will deal with things such as consequences of getting knocked to 0 HP, making resurrection more difficult, etc. Other homebrew rules will be discussed as well; I have a couple that are staples in my games but I will be of course running by everybody before enacting into law.
Session Time: Saturday evenings (currently EDT, UTC-04:00, as I live in an area that observes daylight savings). The start time listed as 6pm EDT is an approximation; it may get pushed forward or backward an hour or two depending on what works best for the party, but 6 is the default. My sessions tend to run for 4-6 hours with a couple of 5-15 min breaks sprinkled throughout where needed. They can run even longer if the party is alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic, etc., but I rarely go any shorter for the sake of everybody feeling like they actually got something done. We will run weekly-ish; I usually run 3 weeks on/1 week off if we don't already have other cancellations.
Party Size: My ideal number of players is 4. I may do 3 or 5 (which are my lower and upper limits) depending on how many suitable players apply, but this isn't very likely.
Audio/Video: We will be using mics and cameras for the sessions; please have passable quality for both. We will be using discord for audio/video (and also general communication between sessions). The sessions won't be streamed or recorded or anything of the sort; I just find that things run much smoother and roleplaying is a lot more engaging when we can see each other's body language.
Platforms: Character sheets will be hosted on D&D Beyond, and Roll20 will act as VTT where necessary. Don't worry if you don't have much, if any, content on DDB—I own all of it and will be able to share it with everyone during character creation, so you will not be limited in this way. I am also very experienced with using the homebrew system on DDB and can make pretty much anything you might need for you.

Interested?

I'm currently planning to start the campaign (Session 1) on April 15th. Depending on how quickly I'm able to get the party together, the full-party session 0 will occur on either March 25th (this coming Saturday) or April 8th (I am unavailable April 1st), but plenty of deliberation over DMs or the group server can happen in the interim while people are making their characters.
If you're interested, please fill out this Google form: Here. Note that you will need information from this post to fill out a particular question on the application form.
This post and the Google form will stay open no matter what until the end of the day (for me) on Wednesday, March 22nd, but I may extend it. As long as this post doesn't have the closed flair and the Google form is accessible, I am still looking! I will be reaching out to people to schedule interviews throughout the coming week; you'll get a Discord friend request from sunshine#9357. Unfortunately, I know how popular posts like this can become, so it's unlikely I will have the time to interview every single person who applies. If you don't get a message from me by end of the day (for me) on Friday, March 24th, then I'm afraid you can assume I'm not considering you for the game. It's nothing personal! There's only so much I can do when I get more than four applications for a four-person campaign.
Reddit DMs, Discord friend requests sent to me, and requests for me to DM you will be ignored. If you have any questions for me about the campaign or otherwise, please post a comment below (so that others who might have the same question can see the answer).
Thanks for reading!

hi, my names adam (fake name in case someone in my family for some reason finds this.) and im sixteen(16) nearly seventeen(17). my relationship with my mother has always been rocky, some years being better than others. i got my first phone when i was eleven years old and everything seemed fine, but she would do regular checks on my phone and take it if she thought anything was inappropriate. sometimes she would take them for prolonged periods (a month minimum and sometimes could range up to three months) when i was just eleven to thirteen. because i didnt really have supervised access to the internet as a kid, so of course i would get into a little bit of trouble when i would be doing things because i was never watched.
when i was thirteen, i got my phone taken for a few months simply because i was dating someone. it was just a middle school relationship and i didn't see any harm to it, but i guess it was. i also got my phone taken because i came out as a transgender male whos bisexual.
for a while, things were okay and ive basically been living and making my own decisions for nearly a year because i dropped out last may, three days after my sixteenth birthday (with my mothers permission). my mom told me that from that day on, i would be treated like an adult; but so far, ive not been treated anything like that.
shes recently put my back on screentime for my phone, making it so i can only have four(4)-five(5) hours on it; cool, nothing too bad. but now she's making me give my phone in at night at nine pm. shes making me give in every device i own, except my pc but its not completely past me that she would take that too. i dont even have acceptations on the weekends, so now im trying to have sleepovers at my house + friends houses as much as possible so i can avoid this.
i was thinking of buying a cheap burner phone and just calling it a day, but still im scared that that isnt the best option. my boyfriend keeps saying that itll get better and that its just temporary, but at this point i dont know how much more i can handle of her being overprotective(?) and not letting me do anything. it took me three months to even tell her about my boyfriend because i was scared of her reaction, but the only thing that mattered to her was that he was a cisgender male and not trans like two of my past boyfriends.
​
if you would like more info on how shes overprotective, i can defo tell you, js ask. im just not sure what to do :(

Tyler and his kid sister sat at the kitchen table and ate uncooked pop tarts with milk. He glares across the table at her, right at the bright pink Hannah Montana shirt she wore all the time, the image of that teen idol's plastic smile burned into his brain. "So is Taylor still messing with you?" He asked. "No, not since you beat him up." "I wouldn't have had to if you hadn't of pissed him off. What did you do to him anyway..." "Oh you're gonna think I'm evil for this," She smiled with that same shit eating grin she knew annoyed him. He shook his head, "You are evil." He said taking a bite of poptart. "I kinda started a rumor that he had a crush on that guy Josh." Tyler made a *thump*on the table with his glass. "Well I'd kick your little ass too if I were him!" She busts out laughing, unconcerned with waking their hungover parents. They knew an earthquake wouldn't wake them after date night. "I didn't mean for it to get around as fast as it did. Me and Katy were joking around and I mentioned that I thought I saw Taylor trying to kiss Josh!" She washes some pop tart down with milk and wipes her mouth with the sleeve of her jacket. "Somebody must've overheard us talking and started spreading it around, so it was just an accident." Tyler shrugged just as he heard the bus pulling up. Then he turned his glass up, enjoying the cold milk falling down his dry throat. He threw his backpack over his shoulder and said, "YOU ARE AN ACCIDENT...let's go." Her grin turned upside down as she followed him out the door. "Well I'm mom and dad's favorite so BLAH."
They walked through the front yard heading toward the bus. Tyler comes to a halt and reaches his hand in front of Angel and stops her. "What?" she said. "You see Taylor right there don't you..." He nods toward the middle window of the bus where She recognized the chubby pale freckled face of Taylor Barns. "Yeah, so?" "He's not alone." Then she notices the other two boys glaring right at them. "Crap! they're gonna try and jump us! What do we do!?" She imagined herself getting beat up by Taylor's big ass while his friends beat up Tyler. "We're gonna walk to school. I don't feel like dealing with these assholes today." "We can't! That'll take forever to walk!" "I know a shortcut through the woods. We'll get there before they will." "I've never been in the woods...what if we get lost!" She insisted. Tyler grabbed her wrist and lead her away from the bus as it's doors closed and moved away. On the same block, stood the remains of a condemned house. She thought they were going inside, but then Tyler cuts and walks around it. Behind the old house was the beginning of thick brush and tall trees that had dead limbs hanging above. In front of them, leading through all of the fading green red and yellow colors of autumn, was a walked down path that stretched forward as far as She could see, and fallen leaves covering the ground every step of the way. "We can cut right through the woods and come up behind the school. It's only about a mile walk."
*Crunch*
Tyler stepped into the edge of the forest and made it several yards out before he realized he was alone. He turned around to see his little sister standing still with wide eyes. "Come on! we gotta hurry or we'll be late!" He yelled. "I don't want too..." Angel said, her voice shaking. "We don't have a choice, now come on!" "It's scary in there! I'm not going..." "Don't do this to me angel, not now goddammit..." He groaned hard, already feeling groggy from poor sleep, and more than pissed about the long terrible day he predicted would end with him fighting off three overweight kids with bad breath. Angel folds her arms and says with a smart ass tone, "I won't do it! and you can't," Tyler all but leaps over to her and grabs her by the scruff of her coat. "You listen to me you little shit, because of you I'm gonna have to deal with those assholes probably all year!" He growled through his teeth. "I don't want to walk through these woods either and because of you I don't have a choice. Now follow me or I'll leave you here!" She starts welling up with tears, but Tyler didn't buy it. She did that all the time with their parents just to get her way. "You won't leave me here! mom and dad will kill you!" calling Tyler's bluff. "FINE!" Tyler pushed her down on her butt and leaving her behind. "Tyler if you leave me here I'll go wake mom and dad up right now!" her confidence faded when he didn't look back or slow down as he marched forward on the trail. She didn't want too, but she knew she didn't have a choice. So she followed. "Oh God...I don't like this...HEY LET ME CATCH UP!" she began running through the brush trying to catch up to her brother.
He didn't want to talk to her or let alone even look at Angel. All he did was try to tune out her complaining for most of the walk. He kept a quick pace to stay ahead of her, and still kept track of her by listening to her bitch about the woods and how mean he always was to her. She dragged her feet through the leaves, sounding as though they were hissing at her for disturbing them. He could hear every step she took and knew she was still right behind him. *CRUNCH CRUNCH* He was sick of her. *CRUNCH CRUNCH* He was sick of her getting everything that he wanted . *CRUNCH CRUNCH* He was sick of being her caretaker. *CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH* He was sick of his parents treating her like a princess and treating him like a workhorse. He was so tired. The injustice of his situation was getting to be too much. He did most of the chores around the house and always after a full day at school. He wasn't a slacker academically either. He maintained a B average and could even score an -A- in math when he felt like it. Sleep was a problem lately. Now it was bad dreams. They started over a few weeks ago and he had been dealing with the grogginess and fatigue from it everyday. As he followed the path, he made wishes that his parents would stop dismissing his complaints and would actually try to help him with his sleep problem. Maybe they could take a little bit of that money they blew every weekend on weed and booze and get him some medicine that'll help him sleep. That's all he wanted. Maybe he'd Just skip school today, go home and lay back down in his bed. He didn't care if he got yelled at. He didn't care if he had another nightmare; bring on the damn SPIDERS! He started to enjoy the walk some. The weather was cool and the woods were grey and beautiful today. And It was quiet. Not even the birds were chirping like they do in the summer. Save for the sound of shuffling leaves under his feet, it was calm and tranquil out there...save for the sound of leaves.
*CRUNCH*
He stopped in his tracks. Now it was almost silent out there. After he enjoyed only a few minutes of a relaxing walk through the woods, he realized something terrible. Dread came crawling up in his guts as it dawned on him that he hadn't heard a second shuffle in the leaves this whole time; he had blocked it all trying to escape this day. He turned around to see that Angel was nowhere in sight. As far as he could see, she was gone.
He kicked up leaves and dirt running back down the path. He reached the spot in the trail where he thought he last heard her. He looked all around, but saw nothing; no evidence that she was ever here. He looked at all the rotting crumbling leafs and sticks littered on the ground everywhere searching for a trail she might have left behind, but he couldn't even find his own tracks in the cold dried dead earth that blanketed the area. He took a deep breath. "ANGEL!!! I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS WHEN I FIND YOU!!!" He yelled as loud he could in the slim hope that she was pranking him for earlier. "THIS ISN'T FUNNY ANGEL! YOU'RE GONNA MAKE US LATE!" He heard nothing but the little cracks and twitches of nature. He took another deep breath. "FINE THEN! I'M GOING HOME AND WAKING MOM AND DAD UP AND TELL THEM EVERYTHING THAT YOU DID, LIKE HOW YOU GOT ME INTO FIGHTS AND HOW YOU AIN'T LISTENING AND HOW YOU WANDERED OFF AWAY FROM ME!" He took a quick breath to yell even louder; he was crying now. "GOD DAMN IT I HATE YOU!...YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!!!" He hurt his throat yelling so hard. He knew he'd be blamed for losing her as he was nearly hyperventilating. Then something merciful occurred to him, and it made so much sense that he immediately calmed down.
(That little brat turned around and went home! He turned around and started walking back down the trail. Thank God!)
He could make it to class and not have to deal with her, and if he saw Taylor, he could just walk wide circles around his fat ass. Then he could go home and maybe his Mom and Dad will hear him out and Angel will get scolded for once in her spoiled rotten little life. The best part of it all was that he could go back to bed and sleep; nightmares be damned. He'd grab the biggest fattest spider and use it for a pillow! He'll sleep and... and... then... Then he heard it. Something, a voice, a whisper, dancing through the silence of the woods. What is that? Faint, far away, but he heard it. It almost sounded like a person singing a note, dangling in the air like it was tied to a string. It was resonating with him, within him. He thought of a fishing lure in the water, flickering beautifully for any big mouth that might bite at it. That memory coming from fishing trips with his father. Yes. Think of a little fish swimming around in the bottom of the ocean, the pitch blackness of the deep. As black as space, minus the stars as not even the sun can be seen in the deep waters. What would you do if you were down there alone and scared and then suddenly you spotted salvation? A light! A little bulb of light just floating there in the nothing; Beautiful, Warm and just for you; would you have the sense to question it, or would you just chase it? And he chased it.
The voice sounded light and female. Sweet and calming. He didn't understand, but somehow he's whole mind was calm, yet his thoughts were clouded. His judgement subdued, but he was okay with it. Where is it? Where is it coming from? He could almost figure out the direction, but it still felt like it was in the air dangling just above his head. The longer he listened, the more it sounded to him like a woman singing. No words; just harmony. For a moment, a small opening in the dark clouds in his head, allowed for pessimism to shine through.
(What's happening to me... This doesn't make sense... I need to go home...)
Above him, the voice began to fall, creeping down, leading off the trail and deeper into the woods. The song was all but a lustful taunt now, beckoning him to give chase.
(COME FIND ME...)
"Who's that!" He heard it. It was in his head, an alien voice spoke so loud that he actually heard it more clearly than if it was spoken aloud. The opening in the dark clouds were closing and becoming darker like heavy storms with only glimmers of light showing through.
(COME FIND ME...TYLER...)
And with that command, he obeyed.
*CRUNCH*
He pushed through the dying forest. A machete would be handy. Either way, he was hell bent on finding her, or whatever it was calling him. He forgot about school, about Angel, about getting in trouble with his parents, and about Taylor's fatass. He wasn't studying anything else except,
(HURRY! COME FIND ME!)
There she was again. There was no mistaking it: this was the voice of a woman. He imagined her features that went along with that sweet voice. Long dark flowing hair, a perfect glowing face with almond eyes and a bright smile. Breasts, hips and long legs, Yes; there was a woman in these woods. Maybe she needed help? Maybe she needed a young man to come save her! Tyler knew none of that made sense, but he still had to find her no matter what. He reached a thick bush that seemed there was no getting around it, and there was a deep ditch on the other side that he hadn't noticed. He pulled his hands into his jacket, got down and fought and crawled through whatever openings he could find through. And what if he did find some weird woman out here; what was going to happen? It was unlikely that he was going to lose his virginity to some sexy siren out in the middle of these woods. He figured he had made it at least a mile or two away from the trail, and considered the trip back. The bush and brier patches annoyed him, as cracks in the dark clouds were letting more light shine through; then the voice would repeat itself:
(HURRY! COME FIND ME! HURRY!)
And the dark clouds would regain control over him. This voice was engaging his adolescence with promises limited only to his imagination, and he had a healthy imagination for his age. She'd be waiting for him on the other side of this shit, he'll emerge all cut up and bleeding, he'll see her standing there, she'll turn and see him down on all fours exhausted and go to him, drop to her knees getting dirt on her angelic white dress, he'll look up at her and see the most beautiful face he'd ever laid eyes on, she'll smile at him and put her soft warm hands on his face, he'll lay his head in her lap and she'll gently pet his head. Then she'll bend down to tell him something as her bosom squishes against the side of his head; her lips will move and,
*CRUNCH*
The ground he reached to grab wasn't there; he fell forward and rolled down the sudden drop into the ditch on the other side, landing flat on his face, hissing at the scraps and cuts. "that hurt..." The lights were on and he escaped the clouds; whatever had him, lost its hold in the fall. He couldn't hear her anymore. He didn't feel tired anymore, just slightly dead inside. Face down in the dirt, he thought about how there was no chance at making it to school on time, how horrible this day was, how things would be if Angel hadn't started shit with Tayler. Better yet, what if she had never been born? The day started off bad enough, and now here he was laying down in the dirt, in the middle of nowhere miles away from home and not sure how he was going to get back. Hell, he wasn't sure how he made it this far. He turned his head and saw more woods, then he turned the other way, resting his cheek on the cool dirt: The sun was setting. Already? How long had he been,
*Cccccrrraaaaaang*
His head lurched up to the loud metallic shriek. He saw nothing, Almost. He would have missed it otherwise, but he remembered now: the dream; there was something from it that this place conjured up. Right in front of him was a hill where the noise came from. At a first glance, there's nothing remarkable about it, yet somehow, Tyler knew the secret. He pushed himself up to his feet. He'd seen it before; that's what it was. He couldn't think of it that morning; he had to see it play out in front of him before he could remember it: There was a faint outline in the hill and Tyler reached and grabbed the side to feel around for..."There!" He pulled with all his strength, then he let go of the big rusty metal door as it fell open, unveiling metal stairs leading down into darkness. He knew this was here! Maybe an old cellar or a storm shelter, but how did he know it was here? He looked down and thought of going in, but then thought better of it. He stepped back away from the entrance, then lights flickered over the stairs defeating the darkness that covered them, leading down to a metal door. Tyler realized that it was dark all around him; the sun had finished setting and the daylight was over. The woods around him now scarier than the hole with lights reflecting off the steel walls and stairs. He took his first step following them down careful to not make a sound. He wasn't trying to sneak, but was ready to turn and run back up the steps and into the woods in case he might jump an animal or a homeless man living down here. The metal door wasn't closed all the way, as if someone left it cracked. He pushed and it swung open, revealing a long hallway with more lights flickering on. He went forward, and wasn't so afraid; now he was just curious.
(Some kind of bunker maybe? Old and abandoned, but still has electricity?)
The hallway made a sharp right turn, then there was another metal door left open as well. The lights were already on inside. Tyler peaked through the crack and saw a room filled with lab equipment.
(Some mad scientist's hidden laboratory? How the hell could something like this be here?)
None of the equipment was like anything he had ever seen before; even the tech displayed in science fiction movies did this stuff justice: it was all shiny and well kept. Whatever science project that was going on down here was serious, and obviously, a secret. He passed a file laid open and couldn't resist taking a look.
"1973 The M.A.W. Project. by Dr. Les. Entry##113 submitted at 4:54 AM 'On behalf of the staff at NEW CELL research LAB #13, we require further funding: This project must be finished. It is necessary to do this at the site of where this strand of the NEW CELL anomaly, was located and is where we need to conduct our work. We do not know how to make CELL grow on its own yet, but this environment seems to encourage a reaction. It takes the form of a gas, reduced to a molecular level and singled it out. That's how NEW CELL's R-strand was discovered. It infects organic tissue with a compound never seen in history. It's proven to have high mutative properties, like other NEW CELL strands, but the R-strand has an amazing effect: psychokinetics is developing in the subjects! The R-strand will catapult Bio Engineering to places never thought possible!"
Tyler skips a few pages.
"It was necessary to have built 'Lab #13 at the sight where R-strand was discovered; It is imperative that our research continue, and is the opinion of this department and myself. The location isn't ideal, but this is also closest to civilian life that NEW CELL has been found to inhabit. It is costly -and risky- but necessary in order to collect this priceless data. You of course have seen the product of the remarkable capabilities of the R-strand with the M.A.W. Project; It's still to soon to move on from this location! So much we still have to learn! This is about the future of our species!"
Tyler flips to the last pages in the file:
Request to terminate the M.A.W. project.
"We have accomplished huge strides with the research of the R-strand. We've concluded that this location is not in fact the place of its origin. We can't prove it yet, but we believe now that the R-strand isn't native, or that the location is consequential to the mutations. The cells of R-strand cover this area, slowly growing like any organic matter. We are close to making a significant breakthrough on R-strand, and likely a huge leap in the NEW CELL anomaly.
Concerning The MAW Project, she has proven R-strand's remarkable capabilities, but we feel the project has hit a dead end, and is no longer a viable source for further study. I will note that with careful planning: further development of NEW CELL Projects can heed viable results, and we shouldn't shut the Lab down just yet. However, MAW'S devolvement has hit a brick wall. Her higher brain functions mimic that of the human host used, and this could be what is making her feral. However, I don't believe that to be the case. There's something else I've been looking into: It is possible that R-strand itself is where this intelligent/malevolent behavior is coming from. We had removed her brain and three of her limbs for our own protection, yet these problems persist. If my theory is true, then that means that the NEW CELL anomaly is the most intelligent viral life form ever exhibited. It goes beyond what human evolution has ever been capable of.
Concerning MAW: it is understood that the resources expended on her were substantial, but we've got all that we need and then some from the project. Immediate termination of MAW is requested. Let me also clarify the problems arising for the Lab in keeping her contained here: we believe she's been telepathically commuting with sentient life outside of the perimeter. First we notice an excess of animals wandering closer to the lab, then our security was finding civilian life wandering in the area, and furthermore, somehow getting inside; they never remember how they got here. One poor soul actually made it inside MAW's containment: what we found wasn't a pretty sight. We have other issues of MAW affecting Lab #13 personal. Mostly complaints of strange dreams and emotional problems. Working within such close range of MAW is subject to high stress, and the project wasn't recommended to personal with pre existing mental conditions, as it became common that She could exacerbate the conditions. I myself am having trouble, as I haven't been able to sleep well in months. I and my staff humbly request that a N.C.H. team is sent to sterilize this area, and to terminate the MAW Project."
Tyler saw there was a tape recorder next to the file. He pressed rewind, and then the Play.
'Those bastards. They actually went ahead and did it. The data we collected over the course of L thirteen's establishment was more than viable enough and worth saving, but no, those bastards never cared. They really went ahead and did it! They're gonna leave us and L thirteen to rot! We got them everything they wanted from the NEW CELL growing in this area, and then they cut their losses and abandon us! R-strand is growing; its infecting this whole area. Yes we were here to research it, but also to contain it! The civilian life that's anywhere within a thousand kilometers will be totally lost...
They sealed us in here. The team we requested sealed us down here to die! I Wonder how far they'll get before they too are...
It's MAW again...
I hear her now, she's tempting me. I'm out of time..."
The rest of the tape was nearly silent save for steps on the tile floor, echoing as they got further away, until they couldn't be heard, and then silenced altogether. There was nothing now but the light hiss of the tape spinning, and there would be nothing else on the rest of the tape either.
*thunk*
Tyler heard something. He turned to see another door. He carefully pushed it open, and there was more stairs. No lights flickered on this time. It looked like the stairway to hell itself. Briefly, there was no way he was going down. So turned back. He was done with this. He was frightened and wanted nothing more than to leave this place and forget about it, the tape, everything. It was cold and lifeless in here. He had to get home. Then, he heard her voice; not the woman, not the sirens song he heard all afternoon, but his sister's voice.
"Tyler..."
He heard it. And it wasn't in his head. "Hello?" "Tyler..." "Angel? is that you!" he yelled. It was coming from down the rusty stairs, coming from the bottom. No response. He took a deep breath, and then he took the first step down, then another, then on the third, he heard Angel's blood curdling scream eco from the bottom. "Angel! Hold on!" He yelled going down the steps as fast as he could, nearly slipping on what he thought was rags or towels, following Angel's scream all the way to the bottom; down to the precipice. The scream ceased just he saw a metal door hanging from bent hinges; It was decimated, ripped through like tissue paper. His gut told him to turn and leave now, then something caught his eye: Something familiar was hanging on one of the sharp pieces of the metal door, slivers of cloth. He approached and grabbed it: on the front was torn ribbond of tHanna Montana's face still smiling that plastic smile. Tyler felt terror crawl up through his guts. Suddenly the lights came on above. The floor was covered in discarded clothing. Most of it was adult sized: white lab coats, leather shoes, male and female undergarments, socks, and more laying everywhere. Watches, cellphones, pens, wigs, jewelry, etc. He looked up the stairs, and saw even more just littered all the way up. He realized something horrible: Nothing can get close to this place without coming under the influence of this MAW...How many people had wandered down here just like himself? Facing the stairs, he stepped on something sizeable. He bent down, and found that it was a backpack. Hanna Montana's face plastered on it too. It was Angel's. He went down to his hands and knees and found a small pile of clothes, jeans, pink socks, a bright pink jacket and white panties. He became nauseous, his stomach twisting itself up as he understood that Angel, along with all these other people had all been...
*CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH*
The sickening sound found his ears, and then, he heard that woman's voice speak aloud,
"Tyler, You found me."
(The little fish that swims in the darkness will see the dangling light and approach it; never seeing the terrifying mouth of the anglerfish waiting just behind the light.)
A moist and warm gust of air covered him, and behind it was the mouth that exhaled it. Tyler on all fours, turned his head around to see it, and what he saw was a giant gaping mouth, filled with large jagged teeth, smelling of death and wide enough to bite him in half. For a moment, he didn't want to run away. For a moment, the mouth seemed to not be so threatening. For a moment, he was almost at peace with it, then that turned into a euphoria, rapturous, pleasurable even. The dark clouds were thundering, blocking all light, all sense. He was okay with this. Even wanted it...for a moment. Then, as the mouth neared and began closing down, he saw something hanging from one of the long yellow stained teeth: something little, long and black. Like a worm? No... He then realized what it was, and all the clouds blow away as sheer horror swept through like a 200 mph wind: It was in fact, a lock of hair from Angel's head. The mouth spoke once more as the fresh stince of blood and guts seeped from the beastly dripping mouth:
"You found me."
He screamed louder then he ever had in his life. His fight or flight chose the latter. His prone position was almost that of a runner's stance, as the mouth started to close down for a bite. Tyler lunged up the metal staircase, the piles of clothes, phones and jewelry impeding him every step of the way, all the while that hot sick breath was rushing up his shirt. He made it halfway up the stairs and looked back at it to see if he was getting away from it. When he did, an even louder scream erupted from him with tears and mucus pouring from his face. He saw a massive hand reaching up for him, big enough to grab him around his waist and crush him into pulp, and pull him back down to face the same nightmarish death that his kid sister met. He caught a good look at the thing: a huge humanoid, that looked like it would have been a giant, but there was nothing below its lower torso. The hand swiped at him just barely missing the temporarily despondent boy, its large nails making deep scratches on the metal, sending an ear splitting shriek through the air. Tyler cuffed his ears in pain. He saw it trying to orient itself to take another swipe. It seemed to look up and let out a guttural roar at him, spitting its saliva and little tiny pieces of Angel all over him. Then he saw that the thing was missing its eyes: above the mouth, everything; a nose, its cranium, eyeholes, were gone. Atop of the mouth was just the healed over stump from where those things used to have been, maybe. That huge hand was connected to a long muscular arm, the only limb it seemed to have left. Then all at once, Tyler understood it:
(It can't do much else but eat. So it got good at luring its meals down to it... Like one of those parasites that wiggle into the head of a grasshopper and make it commit suicide and that's how the worm survived...That's how this thing survived. He could hear it; feel it. The same voice the owners of these piles of clothes heard. The same voice that Angel heard. That same sweet voice that lured him down, all the way from home, was now trying to wiggle its way back into his head. She was telling him that everything was alright; come back down, take your clothes off -and anything else that if wouldn't like to chew on- and everything will be alright. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down come down come down come down Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down come down come down come down Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down come down come down come down Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down come down come down come down Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down come down come down come down Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down. Come down come down come down come down Come down. Come down. Come down.)
"COME DOWN TO ME NOW!!!!!"
Tyler snapped out of it for the last time as She lurched forward, mouth open wide. Tyler turned to the metal stairs, crawled up the rest of them and finally reached the door. He bolted through the lab, hearing both her voice in his head, beckoning him, while the monster was bellowing from below; cursing at the escape of its meal. Tyler passed the file, and grabbed it thinking he might need it later with all the rational thinking he had left, besides running. He reached the long hallway, the echo of his shoes coming down on the metal engulfing everything including her cries for him. He leaped out of the big metal door, and he got on the other side of it and pushed with all his strength, making slam back shut. Then he was out into the dark woods, at this point the safest place in the world to him. He didn't stop. He ran back the way he came. He made his way around the hill he fell down, found the path through the brush that he made earlier and finally after scurrying through all of it again, he found the path to the school; the same path he could take home. The running wasn't over; not yet; Not until he saw his parents.
His mother and father sat on the front porch along with several police officers who were gathering up for a search party. The mother with her head in her hands and the father was speaking to the police officer taking down descriptions in his book. The red and blue lights of the police cars lit the whole street up, and that's how Tyler found his way back. He saw the lights and new that that had to be his block. He held the file in his hand that would prove that everything he saw was true. He finally took a moment to catch his breath...
Then, she spoke to him again, and he listened...and he listened.
His mother looked up with tears in her eyes and almost didn't see him: her son was standing there covered in dirt, grime and little bleeding cuts all over him. He was empty handed. She cried and ran to her son and embraced him as his father and the police officers followed. She hugged him tight. She loved him and he felt it. His father kneeled down with tears in his eyes, checking Tyler's wounds. "Tyler, what happened?" "Tyler, are you okay?" "Tyler, talk to me baby!" "Tyler...where's Angel?" He was in awe. He looked up to the night sky without saying anything. He saw that the stars were out. They cared. They cared. He felt like he was the center of their world. And it made him feel good. This felt good. She was right.
****
Tyler woke up at 6:00 AM to the sound of his alarm blaring ZZ Top. He was sleeping so well that he hated the alarm. He stretched and pulled himself out of bed. He looked out of his window and saw the sun creeping up from behind the line of trees of the woods behind that old house. He grabbed the window seal and stretched himself. He left his room, past the hallway bathroom, and then went into the room that -use to- belong to Angel. The posters still hung, but the room was a mess where the police had searched it for any possible leads. He ignored the mess like his parents did, albeit for different reasons. He enjoyed a shower. Angel's shower that was. In the kitchen he ate uncooked poptarts with milk. He was feeling great, well rested and had a sense of wellbeing he hadn't felt in a long time. He thought about trying out for basketball, or maybe football. The school bus pulled up outside and he slammed his milk and ran out the door. On the bus he sat in the middle, right next to a girl he had never talked to before, and they struck up a conversation. As they got off the bus she waved at him and saying whe would love to have lunch with him. He smiled and turned to go to class. He ended up trying out for football and fell in love with the sport that day. He liked his coach, and he made friends with almost everyone on the team. Everyone except for one big freckled face Taylor Barns. When Tyler caught up with him after school, Taylor didn't know what to say to this knew and very chipper Tyler. They had gotten into a fight over his sister, and then she was pronounced dead, all back in the fall. When the bus passed his house, it seemed to be a ghost house with nobody home. Now here he was trying to make friends? How could he say no. He thought that he should try and be nice. Felt like he owed him that much. He didn't have much of a choice though... No choice, really. See, Taylor had recently been experiencing some sleep deprivation, all from some recurring nightmares within the last week, give or take. Perhaps brought on by some remorse; an underserved guilt over the disappearance of Tyler's kid sister. He didn't know why it was happening; he definitely didn't know that Tyler knew about it, either. Taylor agreed to hang out with him after practice, and they would walk to Tyler's house, play video games, and talk about football. Tyler told him that he knew a shortcut through the woods. Taylor Barns smiled, and Tyler smiled right back...
and so did she.
*CRUNCH*
Written by Jacob Pittman.

The results are in for Match 4. The winner is…
“Tell of the storm-tossed manager, O Muse, who wandered long after she sacked the… whatever it was she sacked. Many the monsters whose towns he saw, whose ways she proved; and many a pang she bore in her own breast at sea, while struggling for her life and her Stand’s safe return. Yet even so, despite her zeal, she did not pass through unchanged,” said a blue Stand, watching over the wine-dark sea. A glimmer of sand, of sea spray, of myths told and retold glinted in the ocean sun as Al continued their cross continental journey. Their exaltation faded to naught but a whisper on the breeze.
“Of this, O goddess, daughter of Zeus, speak as thou wilt to us.”

Val Yao, with a score of 80 to Dirty Ghost’s 69!

Category	Winner	Point Totals	Comments
Popularity	Valentine Yao	12 (2.5+2) - 18 (4.5+2)	Voters greatly enjoyed both strats, but ultimately the fates smiled more fortunately upon Valentine!
Quality	Valentine Yao	21 (7 7 7) - 24 (8 8 8)	Reasoning
JoJolity	Valentine Yao	26 (7 10 9) - 28 (8 10 10)	Reasoning
Conduct	Tie	10-10	No length penalties here!

Val Yao and Dirty Ghost would still be at sea for many weeks to come, but Izuru Boniface Marianus had not been completely correct in his claim that none save themselves knew where they were and what they were up to. The spirit of Dead Drop Bay watched their epic journeys across the sea, recording it in their glowing azure coins.
Dirty Ghost lashed their ship against the oncoming storm, knots pulled taut and boards reinforcing the vessel, even as Val Yao’s painting came undone, progress washed away each night by the salt sea. Their initial rations kept both well-nourished for now, but each still would need to restock and prepare for the further challenges awaiting them on the horizon…
If you're not sick of all this water, there's a "friendly spar" between an idol and a figure skater in a desert oasis!
Scenario: Ibiza, Spain — 11:03AM
In a cafe on the shores of the island of Ibiza, Jamir took a sip from his café con leche and let out a contented sigh. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders—for the first time in roughly two years, he was free from the grip of the Millennium Collection and the Atrocity Exhibition. No more evading Frederick’s omniscient gaze, no more babysitting Marione to make sure she didn’t turn into a world-ending monster again, no more Dirty Ghost and…whatever it was doing. None of that mattered. He felt, for the first time in a long time, hope; genuine, no-strings-attached, hope.
His worries weren’t tempered completely, though. Izuru seemed to be slipping closer and closer to the edge by the day, and he had the nagging feeling that something big was coming over the horizon. To borrow a phrase from Izuru, the “final act” was approaching. Jamir did his best to keep a finger on the pulse of Dead Drop Bay, searching for opportunities outside of the reach of the bloodthirsty dogs of the Millennium Collection. At least now he felt better equipped to deal with whatever fate threw at him next.
Speaking of keeping a finger on the pulse, the phone conversation in the next booth over sounded very interesting. The person on the phone, a peacock of a man, appeared to be a part of the Rinascita Artist Collective, judging by his fancy dress, his obnoxious demeanor, and the fact that he mentioned Rinascita by name loud enough for Jamir to hear.
“Yeah, I just watched the concert vid you sent,” he said through a mouthful of food. “Mid as hell. Like someone ate a gallon of rainbow food coloring and took a shit on stage. Complete disgrace to call that horseshit anything close to art.”
Ibiza…that performance with Izuru, Neon and Atlas was only a few months ago, but it felt like years with how hectic Jamir’s life had become. Good times.
“Anyway, you still good to come to the party at Valencia with me?” the artist continued. “Anyone who’s anyone at Rinascita’s gonna be there. I can only bring one plus one, so you better decide quick.”
And just like that, an opportunity. Jamir casually leaned over the booth and tapped the artist on the shoulder.
“I mean it - hold on, I’ll call you back.” The artist glowered at Jamir. “What do you want?”
“Apologies, I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation. You see, I’m an artist, and I believe I saw that performance at Ibiza that you mentioned. Personally, I think it was an artful display of creativity and passion-”
The artist laughed loudly and obnoxiously. “You’re shitting me! You call that consumerist drivel “art”? It’s all just fancy lights and colors meant to appeal to an audience too stupid to appreciate real art. The art world’s going down the fucking toilet.”
“Ah, but who’s to say that a toilet cannot be a piece of art itself?” Jamir wondered aloud. “Take Duchamp’s Fountain—obviously, a piece which an artist like yourself has probably studied a hundred times over. A urinal turned on its side, submitted for an exhibition but banned for its artist’s perceived lack of effort, caused an uproar that shook the foundations of modern art and gave birth to a whole new movement of conceptual art. To evoke an emotion, any emotion, in its audience…is that not the mark of true art?”
The artist stared at Jamir, mystified. “Well, ‘true art’ ain’t worth shit if people aren’t paying to see it, right? I’ve sold a few paintings you could buy a house with.”
“Oh yes, I suppose you’re correct. Though, if I recall, a copy of Fountain sold for $1.76 million in 1999, so someone must have seen it as ‘true art’. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“M-man, you’re seriously pissing me off,” sputtered the artist, his confidence clearly shaken. “How do you know what ‘true art’ is, huh?”
“To tell you the truth, I don’t,” Jamir sighed. “I was hoping to find answers from a more successful artist than I. And that ‘party’ you mentioned sounded like a wonderful opportunity to talk to one.”
The artist huffed. “I’m a member of the Rinascita Artist Collective, dude. You’re nothing. You wouldn’t be invited to the party in a hundred years.”
“I suppose not. What a shame. I was looking forward to learning under an accomplished artist like you.”
The artist tapped a finger against the table, annoyed. Jamir innocently sipped his café con leche.
“Fine,” the artist growled. “You want to see real artists? You got it. The party’s in two weeks. Get ready.”
Jamir smiled thankfully. That was almost too easy.
Scenario: Málaga, Spain — 6:03 AM
10538-2095 found herself back at the scene, the Picasso museum. Last time she’d been here, she’d found herself fused to a teammate into a superior being, a cyborg she and Ninian, at least in the moment, would have preferred to remain. But where this fusion and return had given Ninian answers, even cracked the Scot’s egg, if 2095 understood the metaphor correctly, it had left the android only with more questions. Returning from Type-03’s victory, 2095 had gone catatonic.
After the events in Türkiye and her time on the trail of the information-broker ｢Aerials｣, both for the Sultan of Swing and Ashen Memoriam, she’d found some peace, the ability to focus on moving forward, living in the now, rather than hunting through her data for lost memories. She’d made friends beyond just the scope of the Bastards and really begun establishing a sense of self. But really, 2095 knew she was just running from that overwhelming deluge she’d felt last time she was here, the experience of dozens of lifetimes of sensations all at once.
So why had she been continually drawn here? It wasn’t mere ‘gravity’, the series of coincidences that drew Stand users to one another, but some other, more primal instinct. The urge to return to the scene of a past trauma, overpowering the desire to run away… A biological explanation, but not one impossible to render in code.
2095 would have continued to spiral like this had another figure not entered her field of view, and a familiar one: Doctor Dott, the Rinascita artist who had fused her to Ninian in the first place.
“Hello!” cried the not-actually-a-doctor. “You’re back!”
“Indeed,”replied the android, perhaps relieved her conversation partner spoke in as clipped a manner as herself. “I suppose I could say I returned in search of further understanding of ‘true art.’ Or art at all.”
“It’s an interesting subject,” Dott agreed. “I’ve thought about it many times. After our last collaboration I’ve been considering the nature of ‘shocking art’.”
“Shocking art?” 2095 asked.
“Art meant to bring out a sort of shock or surprise from the audience. It could even be horrifying!” Dott explained. “Our exhibit was probably shocking to some people! Marina Abramović’s Rhythm 0 would be another example.”
The name sounded familiar. Perhaps in her knowledge banks there was something…

Marina Abramović Rhythm 0 was a six-hour work of performance art presented in Naples in 1974. The work involved Abramović standing still while the audience was invited to do to her whatever they wished, using one of 72 objects she had placed on a table. A sign next to the table explained that anyone who sat across from her could do anything they liked with the objects with her bearing full responsibility for their actions. There were no separate stages; the purpose of the piece, she said, was to find out how far the public would go: "What is the public about and what are they going to do in this kind of situation?"

“If I understand correctly, the artist was repeatedly assaulted throughout the night,” said 2095.
Dott nodded. “Her clothes were shredded with razor blades. One attendee even tried to shoot her. They were stopped by another audience member. But even this was ‘art’: if it invokes an emotion in you, it’s art, no matter how shocking it might be. And in this case the emotions were shock, fury, violation.”
“And in our piece, would the emotion I felt be pain?” 2095 wondered aloud.
Dott’s face immediately fell. “I’m sorry. I screwed up. At least Abramović knew what she was getting into. Here,” she continued, thrusting an envelope into 2095’s hands. “It’s an invite to a party. Lots of other Rinascita folks will be there. I didn’t feel like going anyway. Too many people. Too many fake smiles. But maybe it’ll be good for you! Get your mind off things. You know?”
2095 nodded, not completely understanding, but appreciating the gesture. Speaking to Doctor Dott was always a confusing enterprise, but somehow she felt this had given her a bit more self-insight. Maybe the party would be good for her, in some way. Pain refused to be ignored, but in a situation like a party, surrounded by new people…she had to exist in the present moment, process the pain differently than just sitting with it. Meeting new people, making new memories. This would be an anvil on which to undeniably forge her identity.
Scenario: Valencia, Spain — 9:54 PM
In a private ballroom in the Feria Valencia Convention and Exhibition Centre overflowing with laughter, gossip and drink, the wealthiest members of the Rinascita Artist Collective delighted in elegant revelry. The ballroom was a kaleidoscope of colors, each guest’s outfit more extravagant than the last—exotic bird feathers, loud color palettes, and altogether impractical capes and headdresses filled the space like an overgrown jungle path.
For once, Charvet Champagne didn’t feel like the center of attention, and he thanked whomever was watching for that. The anonymous invitation promised a night of fun, food and a private performance from famed Spanish guitarist Carmelita Salmorejo. While Charvet’s connection to Rinascita was tangential at best, he didn’t mind getting away from his hectic schedule. His stomach growled, staring at the plates of fine tapas on display at the all-you-can-eat buffet table. They wouldn’t mind if he sneaked one bite, would they?
“Oh my god, is that Charvet Champagne?” An unfamiliar voice trilled. “Come here, I simply must hear about your skincare routine in person!”
…shit. Next time, then.
He grumbled to himself and brushed past 2095, awkwardly holding a glass of wine with no idea what to do with it. She smiled politely at anyone who stopped to stare at her and did her best to make small talk. Dott was right—approximately 94.7% of all of the smiles directed in her direction were fake. Seemed like the guests weren’t interested in straying outside of their cliques. Time for plan B.
2095 listened intently to the conversations around her, auditory receptors tuned to pick up any common words or phrases that she could link to important figures in Dead Drop Bay. After a few minutes, two names caught her attention. The first was Lucetta Domani, the head of the Rinascita Artist Collective—every single guest at the party appeared to be linked to Lucetta in some way. The second was somebody called “the Czar.” While 2095 didn’t recognize the name, the main topics of gossip revolved around him and Lucetta. According to the chatter, the Czar had been involved in a feud with her for some time, and some theorized that this party was an olive branch meant to be the first step in resolving the feud for good. 2095 stored the information in her memory banks for later, and downed her glass of wine in one gulp.
On the other side of the ballroom, Jamir half-listened to his artist companion’s rambling as he surveyed the crowd himself. Unlike 2095, he knew exactly who the Czar was; he had hoped to meet the enigmatic Erasmo el-Amin in-person, in fact. But he was mysteriously absent from his own party.
“...and that’s how I got my membership in Rinascita,” the artist said through a mouthful of chorizo. “Course, Lucetta helped get my foot in the door, but everything after that was all me.”
“Interesting,” Jamir lied. “I need to go to the bathroom. Excuse me for a moment.”
Jamir weaved through the crowd, making introductions and glad-handing along the way. His artist friend was not alone, it appeared—almost every member of Rinascita present at the party got their start in the Collective because of Ms Domani. Why invite them, and not her?
He gently pushed on the exit door, intending to make a stealthy exit to snoop around some more. Nothing. He frowned and pushed again, more forcefully this time.
“Hm. That’s a fire hazard,” he joked to no-one in particular. A cursory examination of the frame and the hinges revealed no faults whatsoever, at least from this side. The door didn’t seem stuck at all, but it still wasn’t budging…as if it were sealed shut.
Before he could investigate further, the house lights dimmed. Spotlights lit up the stage on the other side of the ballroom, and the party chatter petered to a halt. The performance was about to begin.
The curtains rose, revealing a person sitting on a stool with an ornate flamenco guitar in hand. Their black Cordoba hat was cocked to one side, their wavy brown hair reaching down to their shoulders. He wore a tailored black-and-gold suit vest over a white button-up dress shirt; a long red traje de flamenca dress covered his bottom half. Her dark-skinned features were scattered with vitiligo markings which stretched across her arms and down to her fingers. The party guests applauded appreciatively as she leaned down to speak into the microphone stand in front of her.
“Hello, I’m Carmelita Salmorejo,” she smiled. “I hope you enjoy the show.”
After accepting the next round of applause, Carmelita settled into her stool and began to play. Their fingers danced across the strings, following the quick tempo that they tapped out with their dress shoes. 2095 had downloaded a few flamenco performances before the party to study in case she needed to make more light conversation. This piece sounded like an original song, one which required quite a bit of technical skill required to play it this well.
Suddenly, 2095 sensed movement. All around the ballroom, a dozen humanoid figures shimmered into existence. They appeared to be made entirely of water, with completely blank facial features and deep blue traje de flamenca dresses that flowed behind them like liquid. They stepped forward in perfect time to the music, clapping along to the beat as they advanced towards the unaware guests.
2095 rose from her seat, summoning ｢Yours Truly｣ to her side. Behind her, the only other two guests who could see the figures followed suit—Charvet gasped, the tiny rat units of ｢Freakum Dress｣ crawling onto him, and Jamir arrived at his seat with a wry smile.
“Jamir, where’d you go?” His artist companion swiveled around, wine glass in hand, clearly not his first or even fifth. “This is a hell of a show-”
CRACK!
A flamenco shoe smashed into his jaw, sending his drink flying out of his hand and spilling over the floor.
All at once, pandemonium erupted. Guests screamed and scrambled over tables and chairs to get to the exits, only to be knocked out cold by swift kicks from the watery dancers. 2095 dodged out of the way of one dancer and slammed her fist into its torso—in a spray of water, it burst and disappeared. Strong, but fragile. Good to know.
“Look out!”
2095 ducked, avoiding a crescent-shaped blade of water that sailed over her head and sliced the champagne glass tower on the buffet table clean in half. The dancers twirled and spun and more projectiles shot out of the edges of their dresses. But just as soon as they did, many of the dancers exploded into a burst of liquid, tiny objects speeding through their “heads”. Another Stand?
“Mes Freakums, attaquez!”
She heard Charvet’s voice before she saw them. Tiny mice crawled onto the dancers and began to spin, their pointed noses becoming a drill that they used to dig themselves into the liquid bodies of Charvet’s attackers. The Stand bodies swam into the dancers, forming internal whirlpools that twisted and contorted their once-perfect forms into a mass of collapsing liquid flowing across the floor. Five, six of them collapsed at once, and another few were already disintegrating before Charvet laughed defiantly.
“Oh ho ho ho! That’s right, I defeated you beasts! I, Charvet Champagne, will no longer let ruffians push me around! From this day forward, mes Freakums et moi will blaze a trail forward and set my own path in life!” Charvet proudly declared, beginning to twirl in place. “I will dance to the beat of my own rhyt-”
Charvet’s declaration was cut off, as he stepped forward and slipped on one of the puddles he had so proudly created a moment ago, falling on his face.
With a flourish, Carmelita strummed their final chord and, for the first time since their performance began, looked up at the ballroom. She gazed at the groaning, mangled bodies of the party guests with a look of mild disappointment.
“Tough crowd,” she muttered. Then, a slow applause began, and their expression brightened.
“What a song. What a performance!” Jamir exclaimed as he sauntered to the middle of the dance floor. “I have heard much about the great Carmelita Salmorejo, but nothing compares to hearing you in-person.”
2095 stared at Jamir in confusion. “She almost killed us all. She almost killed you.”
“If it makes you feel something, it’s art. Fear, exhilaration, the thrill of a near-death experience…how could I not applaud a piece like that?”
“Finally, somebody who appreciates my work!” Carmelita grinned, flicking his hair out of his face. “Whenever I perform, I want everyone in the audience to dance along, not just my Bailaoras. Sometimes, they just need a little kick up the backside. Gwee-hee-hee-hee~”
Jamir grinned back. Carmelita bought his ruse hook, line, and sinker. He took a step closer, extending his hand to shake.
“Jamir O’Santos. A pleasure to finally meet.” Internally, Jamir primed ｢Planet Home｣’s fist to strike at Carmelita the moment they got in range.
Smiling, Carmelita extended her hand towards Jamir. But at the last second, she pulled back and strummed another chord on her guitar. In an instant, a line of faceless dancers sprang in front of the stage, forcing Jamir to leap backwards to avoid concussion via shoe.
“Sorry, O’Santos. No handshakes until the end of the set.” Carmelita regarded 2095 with a glint in his eye. “That goes for you too, señorita.”
2095 met her eyes from underneath the brim of her cap, steel in gaze and spirit.
“Ah, but you will not live to see it,” Carmelita sighed melodramatically. “How unfortunate that I am under strict orders to ensure the deaths of everyone in this ballroom. Until you are broken under the beat of my ｢Corazón Espinado｣, this performance cannot end.”
“Unless…we give you what you want,” Jamir called out. “A performance of a lifetime. A dance of audience and artist, merging together as one. Right?”
2095 almost slapped Jamir before she realized what he meant. “If we dance with you, will you let us go?”
Carmelita rested her chin on her hand, thinking hard. “Hm…that does sound like an interesting idea…and if he asks about it, I can always lie…”
He shrugged. “Eh, what the hell.”
A dramatic strum summoned even more Bailaoras, spread across the ballroom floor and around the shattered tables and spilled wine.
“Just to make things interesting, I’ll be ordering my Bailaoras to attack you for the rest of the performance. Whoever destroys the most Bailaoras when my song ends wins…something. I’ll figure it out later.”
Jamir glanced at 2095, noting her grim expression. “Hey, could be worse. Least we don’t have to fight each other for once. No hard feelings?”
2095 nodded hesitantly. “No hard feelings. Best of luck.”
Carmelita spun their guitar, a manic grin spreading across her face. “As the saying goes; dance ‘til you drop!”
OPEN THE GAME! (Shoutouts to u/TreeTurtle_852 for the match art!)
Location: A ballroom, the area here is 32 by 32 meters (2x2 tiles) with 2095 and Jamir represented by their character tokens.
The Brown circles are dining tables and the Brown shapes in each corner of the map are long tables. The tables are furnished with table cloths, chairs, silverware, wine bottles, and small food platters appropriate for the venue.
The Blue faces are Carmelita’s Bailaoras, Stand created constructs/minions made out of water. More info under Additional information.
Goal: Defeat more of Carmelita’s Bailaoras than your opponent before she finishes her performance! The full performance is 10 minutes, or until both players are defeated, whichever comes first. Direct combat between players is disallowed.
Additional Information: The Bailaoras have C Power, B Speed, and D Durability. They all fight and move to the pace of the music, though there is no set tempo given flamenco music’s structure of being able to gradiently and suddenly shift from slow to fast and vice versa. (We highly encourage both teams to listen to a few example pieces to get a general feel for the driving rhythms.) Although they are otherwise objects, they are treated as “non Stand using persons” with respect to ｢Planet Home｣’s and ｢Yours Truly｣’s abilities; specifically they thus cannot be contracted with or rewinded.
Generally their movements follow a choreographed dance routine, moving through the room rather than chasing after players, but they will position themselves in such a way where they can attack players in their dance’s path.
In terms of dancing, the Bailaoras are able to ‘improvise’ to dodge glancing blows and avoid stationary obstacles/obstructions while moving in time to the music. Their choreography is structured in such a way that they do not go past a 5 meter radius of where they initially spawned (though you can expect them to make full use of the area they are given).
Their primary method of attack is to use their feet to stomp and kick at anything within arms length of them with C POW force. They can also spin their dresses to create short ranged water cutter projectiles with C POW cutting force around them, effective up to 2 meters. The sleeves of their dresses can also fire these projectiles with their movements. They always attack in rhythm to the music, coinciding with major beats and fast paced sections of the song.
Their bodies are composed of a loosely-solid water. If you hit it with a strong enough force, the impact will cause the impacted area to break apart. However all their attacks cannot harm one another.
During slow sections, the Bailaoras enter a flowing state where all physical attacks will harmlessly pass through their watery bodies as they gracefully move and dance around the ballroom.
As the match progresses, Carmelita will summon more Bailaoras on cue to song transitions roughly every 30 seconds. Each wave of additional Bailaoras is more or less evenly distributed across the map and contains 12 more Bailaoras, meaning that more than twelve may be on the stage at once.
For the purposes of this match, the players both effectively have a 2 skill in Flamenco dancing.

Team	Combatant	JoJolity
Bastards of Barcas	10538-2095	"Four steps...Five steps." You’ve watched others dance and socialize, now it’s time to put what you’ve learned into motion. Express yourself through dance, movement, and positioning!
Atrocity Exhibition	Jamir O Santos	"Wait. Why did he take only 5 steps?" There’s style to be had in simplicity and reservation! Express yourself through dance, movement, and positioning!

Link to Official Player Spreadsheet
Link to Match Schedule
As always, if you would like to interact with the tournament community and be among the first to get updates for the tournament, please feel free to PM a member of our Judge staff for an invite to our Official Discord Server!

This was intended to be my last build of the league but I got back into elden ring and hearthstone before doing as much as I wanted with it. It's honestly not mechanically innovative, but still imo worth posting as an application of some soon-to-be-nonexistent tech I hadn't seen anywhere else on here and came out a lot more well rounded than most similar builds I've seen. I'm also including some crafting tips for a couple pretty nice generic rares I wound up making. I don't have any videos for this one as my normal recording utility (AMD adrenalin lol) is being stubborn about uploading anything right now, but I've killed all ubers with it without danger of failing, though I DO have to dodge mechanics even when I phase them quickly.
Without further ado, phys to cold + fire to chaos shield crush zerk:
https://pobb.in/YU3l75m-kGBk - Current setup, not terribly expensive except for the ring and almost 20d of jewels. Disregard the boot corrupt, I have it so I'm using it but it does very little for the build in practice.
72M dps with everything up; 70k ele/chaos max hit, 250k ehp (defenses are with guard enabled and berserk disabled, seems to be most common config so easiest to compare numbers against other builds). Passable but meh recovery, which is aided greatly by sanct relics giving me lethe shade.
Pros: Really well rounded true melee build, can almost instaphase uber bosses without a mageblood and has above average defenses. Not relic dependent, very unique heavy for those who hate crafting. Freezes ubers without issue, crushes sanctum with constant freezing, and really should never die mapping unless you juice altars and exped to hell and back regularly like I do.
Major issues: Won't exist in 3 weeks. DPS takes setup so it maps lower than listed, need to at least cast despair off target every 10s to maintain wither. It's also still shield crush without aoe scaling, so clear is weaker and oriath's end is only a partial solution. Not ailment immune except freeze, recovery could be better too vs really heavy dots.
​
Notes:
-The core interaction is abusing original sin + heatshiver + expedition's end + balance of terror: wither on hit. Combined, it turns 100 phys damage into 100 cold + 130 fire, which then becomes chaos and gets multiplied by a further 1.9x by wither. All in all, that makes it a 337% more multiplier over cold damage before getting into resist shred vs assassin's mark and wither scaling. Literally any build can do this as shown by subtractem's reap, but using it on a zerk with unbreakable leads to a build that can actually stand its ground too.
-Enlighten 4 and one more level lets you anoint something else over charisma, which should be a relatively large improvement
-If you haven't played zerk, war bringer might look wasted due to not using the exert. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to have a "click for max rage" button (via weapon swap redblade banner).
-Fortify support is better than inspiration support despite pathing right near steadfast, those 5 points open up corruption or the pair of crit wheels. A 21/20 fortify support is very close to inspiration's damage output actually, and mana isn't so tight that we need insp to function. I had legit never considered this on any builds where I could take steadfast until u/pyrvuate suggested it to me, but it's a very solid option and the level 21 is a pretty nice boost.
-ES regen belt suffix is incredibly clutch, I have very little invested into ES and no way at all of recovering it besides divine shield. Still, exped end and emperor's vigilance give 800 ES and it'd be a shame not to utilize it.
​
As a bonus, here's a mageblood setup that I was working towards before I ran out of gas: https://pobb.in/g7Dvm1TAtKG3 - even lower life and regen, but tankier with 111M damage and tons of armor. Also finally gets ailment immune, so pantheon can swap to solaris for pseudo crit immunity. Damage goes to 145M if you add +2 EE and woke multistrike.
​
​
Crafting:
For belt, get 20% life qual on a white stygian vise i86+. Harvest reforge life til you have tier 1 and at least 1-2 other desirable mods. I wanted T1 life, T1 resist (any, chaos would have been ideal though), and was happy to see life regen. Set it up such that suffixes are full and a prefix is open, then hunter slam. T1 % life is around 1/6. If you fail, sell it for a profit or break even, crafting cost is under 1d per attempt at this. The unveiled suffix is about 50% to hit and the only thing I really cared about was not losing resistance, so call it something like 8-10d to get that if you need it, and 1-2 more to divine to 12%. 1-2d without unveiled suffix, 10ish with unless you get brutally unlucky.
​
Gloves are a bit tougher, I would honestly buy whatever suffixes you need. The dex and chaos res I have are interchangeable with the belt and ring for any accuracy or resist those have on them, so I recommend starting with whatever you need to craft (probably belt if you want ES regen mod) and buying the ring completed and the gloves with good suffixes. Once you have suffixes you're happy with, prefixes for me came down to lock suff + veiled chaos til done, which really isn't expensive. You can eldritch annul off bad prefixes before unveiling, then craft one of the other conversion mods to block. I'd have taken any life at least T3 with it and any 3rd prefix. For implicits, hit cold conversion on grand ichor, then use an exceptional ember and conflict. If rank 2 cold conv, conflict again. If rank 4, exceptional ember and conflict again. Only if you fall to rank 1 do you go back to ichor spam. You do have to divine them at least CLOSE to max conversion, I got very lucky to hit perfect cold conv and chaos res together.
​
​
Overall, this is definitely the best shield crush setup I've personally played, I do enjoy the skill so getting to push it a bit was fun. It's not really worth the cost with the ring at its current price, but when I put this together for something like 100-120d it felt pretty solid relative to that investment. Probably my 2nd favorite build of the league overall after inq doomblaster, though that might be cheating since steelmage made my 20d investment worth 2+ mirrors with his PF video.

Hi from Halifax! I'm in a bind and might need to get a piece of audio equipment picked up at Best Buy tomorrow and delivered to a small town near Windsor. I literally don't have the address yet. Or the name of the town. Lord help me. I'm curious if there are any reliable same day courier services that would do this that folks here could recommend. Alternately, even a taxi perhaps? Let's say it's within 45 minutes of town. Thanks in advance!

Selling my extensive collection of games locally only. I live by Union Park in Chicago in the Near West Side / West Loop area and would need to come to me. I'm open to any best offers or buying multiple discounts! I'm 5 stars on Facebook marketplace. Let me know if you have any questions!

1. Gloomhaven: Jaws of The Lion [4] -25
2. Story War Card Complete Set (Original, Super, Deluxe) Kickstarter [4] - 30
3. Magic the Gathering Arena Of The Planetwalkers [5] - 20
4. Dead of Winter [4] - 35
5. Twilight Struggle Red Sea [4] - 35
6. The Resistance [5] - 15
7. Zoo Ball [4]- 15
8. Princess Bride Adventure Book [5] - 20
9. Settlers of Catan Seafarers with 5-6 Player expansion (4th edition) [4] - 45
10. Dragonwood [5] - 15
11. The River [4] - 20
12. Fort [4] - 20
13. Mandala [4] - 20
14. Lost Cities Daring Adventure for Two [3] - 10
15. Karuba [4] - 30
16. Little Town [4] - 20
17. Ticket to Ride Netherlands [4] - 25
18. Marvel Deadpool vs the World (NSFW) [4] - 20
19. Flash Point Fire Rescue [4] - 25
20. Game of Thrones [4] - 25
21. Curious Cargo [4] - 25
22. Small World [4] - 25
23. Machi Koro Harbor Expansion (one card has a crease) [4] - 20
24. Under Falling Skies [4] - 20
25. Pathfinder Skull and Shackles [3] with brand new sealed Ultimate Equipment [5] & Wrath of the Righteous [5] addons - 45
26. New Sealed Disney Villainous Wicked to the Core (box has slight damage) [5] - 25
27. Dominion intrigue [3] - 25
28. Dominion Seaside [4] - 25
29. Dominion Prosperity [4] - 25
30. Forbidden Island [5] - 15
31. Exploding kittens [4] - 10
32. Dungeon mayhem (box a bit ripped) [5] - 15
33. Spaceteam with both triangulum and nsfs expansions [4] - 35
34. Marvel Fluxx [4] - 12
35. Rock me Archimedes - 15
36. One Night Ultimate Villian [3] - 10
37. Grandma Smiley's What about Baseball board game [4]- 10
38. Codenames Duet [5] - 20

Thanks for reading this. This is in England.
I booked a wedding venue in October 22 date of wedding to be June 23. Paid 25% (£5k) of the value of the wedding upfront (£20k). Was told it was needed to secure the booking. In December 22 unfortunately my engagement ended and I informed the venue right away of cancellation.
The venue said unfortunately nothing could be done my deposit is non refundable and gone. This is according to their T&Cs. The best they can do is offer me a later date this year (Dec 23) and use half my deposit towards it whilst waiving an additional 35% cancellation fee so in total I'd be down (£12k) if I didn't accept this offer.
I refused their offer and said I will deduct reasonable costs incurred on their behalf of around £400 for booking and signing the contracts. I also dispute the validity of this non refundable deposit under consumer protection and that this cancellation fee is excessive and an unfair contract.
We did not confirm the menu. Did not confirm decor nothing. All TBC further down the line. Just initial booking to hold the venue. It was all super early in the process. From my point of view there's been minimal cost incurred on the venues part and I've given loads of notice.
They venue wouldn't budge final offer was exchange the date at any point till Feb 2025 which is useless to me. I've just come out of a broken engagement and they expect me to get married by that point is ridiculous.
At this point I began my money claim.
They reject my claim. They've put a defence together using a solicitor (I'm representing myself) full of legalese etc. Now they claim they've incurred nearly all the costs of the wedding in December 22 (less than 2 months after I've booked and over 5 months out from the event).
Things like buying food and plates (never asked for anything bespoke) I find that absurd since I cancelled so early didn't confirm any food choices or decor. In their contract it says we can confirm menu up to 1 month prior to event. Why are they buying stuff now without my confirmation and who buys meat like 6 months in advance. What if I didn't want a certain dish..
Loads of random charges like meeting with the sales manager is £500 +vat. I mean what? I could've said I didn't like the place and left. No one charges for a sales pitch..
Apparently £750 +vat meeting with a wedding coordinator, I don't get what this is for. I've not instructed them to do anything so far. Picked no colours, no stages, no lighting absolutely nothing.
There's more but I think it paints the picture. They've picked some case law that seems to give some precedence to help their defence. They also believe they're entitled to keep the money due to loss of business and turning people away. Not being able to rebook etc. It's a popular time so I find it hard to fathom. I think they can rebook it.
They're also open to mediation, I'll do it to try and resolve but again I don’t think their costings are fair at all. I'm willing to budge but not much. I'm a bit apprehensive of going to court but I think I'm entitled to a refund less reasonable costs and have tried to be fair.
I've got a few weeks to decide to proceed or not.
First time taking any sort of legal action any advice if I've got a good case + any precedent and case law that might help? Much appreciated!!

Figuring out what the best router for your needs can be complicated. We've tested the top Wi-Fi router brands so you can find the right one for your needs.
​
Take a look at this list: https://quizience.com/best-wi-fi-routers-for-2022/
​
​
TP-Link Archer AX21
Best budget router
​
Wi-Fi Standard
​
Wi-Fi 6
​
Speed Rating
​
AX1800
​
Range
​
Up to 2,500 sq. ft.
​
Wireless Networking Security
​
WPA3
​
Bands
​
Dual-Band (2.4 and 5GHz)
​
Available for $100 (or less if you catch a sale), the TP-Link Archer AX21 is an entry-level, dual-band Wi-Fi 6 router that supports top speeds of up to 1,201Mbps (1.2Gbps) on its 5GHz band. It's nothing fancy, but it offered near flawless performance for small- to medium-size homes in our tests, and it's a cinch to setup and use thanks to TP-Link's Tether app.
​
Best of all, when tested against other, similar routers from names like Asus and Netgear, the AX21 held its own with faster download speeds, better range, and low latency, too. Add in a functional bandsteering mode that automatically steers you between the 2.4 and 5GHz bands within a single network, plus guest network controls and even a quality of service engine for prioritizing traffic to the most important devices on your network, and you're looking at a decent home networking upgrade that's as simple and affordable as it gets. It isn't powerful enough to max out speeds on a gigabit network, but it can still hit consistent close-range speeds near 700Mbps or so, which is more than enough for most households. Read our TP-Link Archer AX21 review.
​
​
​
Linksys Hydra Pro 6 (MR5500)
Best midrange router
​
Wi-Fi Standard
​
Wi-Fi 6
​
Speed Rating
​
AX5400
​
Range
​
Up to 2,700 sq. ft.
​
Wireless Networking Security
​
WPA2, WPA3
​
Bands
​
Dual-Band (2.4 and 5GHz)
​
If you've already got a budget router running your network and you're ready to upgrade to something more powerful, the Linksys Hydra Pro 6 belongs high on your list. With a dual-band, AX5400 build, full support for Wi-Fi 6, and 160MHz channel support for moving data more efficiently, it was an excellent performer in my speed tests, even managing to outperform flashier picks like the also great Asus RT-AX86U.
​
The Hydra Pro 6 is a touch pricey as dual-band routers go, but the steady, consistent performance makes it a standout. Try and catch it on sale if you can, but if you just want a reliable, no-frills router that can keep up with gigabit speeds, look no further. Read our Linksys Hydra Pro 6 review.
​
​
​
TP-Link Deco W7200
Best mesh router overall
​
​
Wi-Fi Standard
​
Wi-Fi 6
​
Speed Rating
​
AX3600
​
Range
​
Up to 5,500 sq. ft. (two devices)
​
Wireless Networking Security
​
WPA2, WPA3
​
Bands
​
Tri-Band (2.4 and two 5GHz)
​
For the best performance from your mesh router, you'll want to prioritize getting one with support for Wi-Fi 6, plus a tri-band design that includes three separate bands of traffic: the usual 2.4 and 5GHz bands, plus an additional 5GHz band that the system can use as a dedicated wireless backhaul for transmissions between the router and its satellites. Most mesh routers like that cost at least $300 or even $400, but the TP-Link Deco W7200 gets you there for less than $250.
​
That's the best deal I've seen for a tri-band mesh router with support for Wi-Fi 6 -- and sure enough, it's an excellent performer, as well. In fact, the only system that managed to outperform it outright in my at-home speed tests is the AX6000 version of Netgear Orbi, which costs more than three times as much (keep reading for more on that one). On top of that, TP-Link's setup process is about as easy as it gets, with satellite extenders that automatically join the mesh as soon as you plug them in. Read our TP-Link Deco W7200 review.
​
​
​
Asus RT-AX86U
Best gaming router
​
Wi-Fi standard
​
Wi-Fi 6
​
Speed Rating
​
AX5700
​
Range
​
Up to 2,500 sq. ft.
​
Wireless Networking Security
​
WPA3
​
Bands
​
Dual-Band (2.4 and 5GHz)
​
Gaming routers promise high performance and low latency for die-hard gamers, and it isn't uncommon to find them selling for $300 or even $400. At about $270 or less, the Asus RT-AX86U dual-band router isn't inexpensive either, but it's a strong value relative to routers like those -- and the performance it delivers as a gaming router is flat-out great.
​
Most noteworthy is the router's latency management. In fact, it leads all of the routers I've ever tested, gaming or otherwise, with the lowest average latency across all of my tests, which online gamers will definitely appreciate. Something else you'll appreciate: An excellent mix of app-based controls and features, including a mobile boost mode, that lets you prioritize gaming traffic to your phone at the touch of a button.
​
Gaming features aside, the RT-AX86U offers full support for Wi-Fi 6, with strong, stable speeds and good range. If you need additional range, you can add other Asus "AIMesh" devices to your home network to make it the centerpiece of a mesh.
​
That checks off all of the boxes that most people want from a good gaming router, and it gets you there at a price that isn't too painful for us to recommend. Even if you aren't a gamer, this is still one of the best Wi-Fi 6 routers you can buy right now. Read our list of the best gaming routers.

I’ve had this Vizio tv for just about a year now. At first, there were just a few horizontal colored lines that started to show up on the screen a few months ago. Nothing more than a mild inconvenience. However, one day the screen just … broke? The best way I can describe it is, it’s like someone just kicked in the screen. However, physically, the screen is fine. But I’d say at least 80% of the screen is completely “shattered” for lack of better term, the view is completely obstructed. The screen itself is not shattered. Nearly spotless, actually. It still plays sound, I can still use the remote, though it’s a bit difficult as nearly the entire screen is just gone. I used the roku remote combination to reset it back to factory settings, it did nothing. Does anyone know what the issue might be? Is it a simple enough fix, or am I better off getting a new one? This one is basically brand new so I’d rather not buy a new one. I was planning on attempting to repair it regardless so I was just wondering what more experienced people might think.

Figuring out what the best router for your needs can be complicated. We've tested the top Wi-Fi router brands so you can find the right one for your needs.
​
Take a look at this list: https://quizience.com/best-wi-fi-routers-for-2022/
​
​
TP-Link Archer AX21
Best budget router
​
Wi-Fi Standard
​
Wi-Fi 6
​
Speed Rating
​
AX1800
​
Range
​
Up to 2,500 sq. ft.
​
Wireless Networking Security
​
WPA3
​
Bands
​
Dual-Band (2.4 and 5GHz)
​
Available for $100 (or less if you catch a sale), the TP-Link Archer AX21 is an entry-level, dual-band Wi-Fi 6 router that supports top speeds of up to 1,201Mbps (1.2Gbps) on its 5GHz band. It's nothing fancy, but it offered near flawless performance for small- to medium-size homes in our tests, and it's a cinch to setup and use thanks to TP-Link's Tether app.
​
Best of all, when tested against other, similar routers from names like Asus and Netgear, the AX21 held its own with faster download speeds, better range, and low latency, too. Add in a functional bandsteering mode that automatically steers you between the 2.4 and 5GHz bands within a single network, plus guest network controls and even a quality of service engine for prioritizing traffic to the most important devices on your network, and you're looking at a decent home networking upgrade that's as simple and affordable as it gets. It isn't powerful enough to max out speeds on a gigabit network, but it can still hit consistent close-range speeds near 700Mbps or so, which is more than enough for most households. Read our TP-Link Archer AX21 review.
​
​
​
Linksys Hydra Pro 6 (MR5500)
Best midrange router
​
Wi-Fi Standard
​
Wi-Fi 6
​
Speed Rating
​
AX5400
​
Range
​
Up to 2,700 sq. ft.
​
Wireless Networking Security
​
WPA2, WPA3
​
Bands
​
Dual-Band (2.4 and 5GHz)
​
If you've already got a budget router running your network and you're ready to upgrade to something more powerful, the Linksys Hydra Pro 6 belongs high on your list. With a dual-band, AX5400 build, full support for Wi-Fi 6, and 160MHz channel support for moving data more efficiently, it was an excellent performer in my speed tests, even managing to outperform flashier picks like the also great Asus RT-AX86U.
​
The Hydra Pro 6 is a touch pricey as dual-band routers go, but the steady, consistent performance makes it a standout. Try and catch it on sale if you can, but if you just want a reliable, no-frills router that can keep up with gigabit speeds, look no further. Read our Linksys Hydra Pro 6 review.
​
​
​
TP-Link Deco W7200
Best mesh router overall
​
​
Wi-Fi Standard
​
Wi-Fi 6
​
Speed Rating
​
AX3600
​
Range
​
Up to 5,500 sq. ft. (two devices)
​
Wireless Networking Security
​
WPA2, WPA3
​
Bands
​
Tri-Band (2.4 and two 5GHz)
​
For the best performance from your mesh router, you'll want to prioritize getting one with support for Wi-Fi 6, plus a tri-band design that includes three separate bands of traffic: the usual 2.4 and 5GHz bands, plus an additional 5GHz band that the system can use as a dedicated wireless backhaul for transmissions between the router and its satellites. Most mesh routers like that cost at least $300 or even $400, but the TP-Link Deco W7200 gets you there for less than $250.
​
That's the best deal I've seen for a tri-band mesh router with support for Wi-Fi 6 -- and sure enough, it's an excellent performer, as well. In fact, the only system that managed to outperform it outright in my at-home speed tests is the AX6000 version of Netgear Orbi, which costs more than three times as much (keep reading for more on that one). On top of that, TP-Link's setup process is about as easy as it gets, with satellite extenders that automatically join the mesh as soon as you plug them in. Read our TP-Link Deco W7200 review.
​
​
​
Asus RT-AX86U
Best gaming router
​
Wi-Fi standard
​
Wi-Fi 6
​
Speed Rating
​
AX5700
​
Range
​
Up to 2,500 sq. ft.
​
Wireless Networking Security
​
WPA3
​
Bands
​
Dual-Band (2.4 and 5GHz)
​
Gaming routers promise high performance and low latency for die-hard gamers, and it isn't uncommon to find them selling for $300 or even $400. At about $270 or less, the Asus RT-AX86U dual-band router isn't inexpensive either, but it's a strong value relative to routers like those -- and the performance it delivers as a gaming router is flat-out great.
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Most noteworthy is the router's latency management. In fact, it leads all of the routers I've ever tested, gaming or otherwise, with the lowest average latency across all of my tests, which online gamers will definitely appreciate. Something else you'll appreciate: An excellent mix of app-based controls and features, including a mobile boost mode, that lets you prioritize gaming traffic to your phone at the touch of a button.
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Gaming features aside, the RT-AX86U offers full support for Wi-Fi 6, with strong, stable speeds and good range. If you need additional range, you can add other Asus "AIMesh" devices to your home network to make it the centerpiece of a mesh.
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That checks off all of the boxes that most people want from a good gaming router, and it gets you there at a price that isn't too painful for us to recommend. Even if you aren't a gamer, this is still one of the best Wi-Fi 6 routers you can buy right now. Read our list of the best gaming routers.