I really contemplated for a while not writing this. I’m someone that values harmony in my living environment so I don’t love to “ruffle” feathers unnecessarily but my personality is a little contradictory in the sense that although I’m not a “confrontational” person by nature, I have an intensely visceral reaction to injustice of any kind and if a confrontation is warranted I will not shy from it. I moved to the Gold Coast in may last year. This bar… "The Lodge" is right next to my apartment and it was one of my first stops. I’m going to be careful not to mention any specific names in this review because this isn’t meant to be an attack on any specific individuals involved in this situation. This is simply me speaking my truth. I enjoyed my initial visit to the lodge. I met a male manager who was welcoming and the staff seemed nice as well. I was definitely in a “post pandemic” mind space where I just wanted to go out and meet people. I am pretty extroverted for the most part so quarantine took a toll on my mental health. I was missing that sense of community and belonging. The Gold Coast had this energy of a quaint community oriented neighborhood and I was excited to get out there and make new friends. My second visit to the lodge was much less pleasant. A female bartender was working at the time. I got a cider and had my little service animal in training with me. I knew no one in the neighborhood at the time and it was nice to get out in a cozy bar near my home with my dog… it all seemed perfect. My pup was busy exploring the peanut shells on the ground which was so cute to watch… he wandered near a couple sitting at the bar and the woman understandably looked annoyed. I heard her audibly say something about me to the female bartender who chuckled. I decided to ignore it. Professionalism is a huge deal to me so I was a bit shocked when the bartender joined the customer in ridiculing me. It was hurtful and shocking. I should add that I’m an African immigrant and since moving to the US with my family I have experienced a lot of situations where I feel “othered” or “excluded” in predominantly white spaces for obvious reasons. Im used to this and unless it becomes direct…. I ignore it. And that interaction… although humiliating… wasn’t direct enough for me to make it an issue. I paid for my drink, tipped well and left. About 2 weeks later… I wandered into the lodge with two guys I met at another bar who wanted to come upstairs to my apartment to “hangout”. I suggested going to the lodge instead bc I just wasnt comfortable with having 2 guys I barely know to my tiny studio apartment. Upon arriving at the lodge I noticed that the same bartender who was working last time was working that night with another girl. I walked in and greeted them both and was responded to with smug looks and short responses. I thought nothing of it. Although this behavior is again hurtful… it just wasn’t direct enough for me to make it an issue. I’m grateful for my parents and the way I was raised… it’s not in my nature to make myself “smaller” or “dim my light” to make other people comfortable. I believe that as long as I’m respectful to others…. I give myself permission to be the most extroverted and brightest version of myself. I also believe respect should be reciprocal. Especially in the Midwest…lol it’s just socially awkward in my opinion to be be rude to others unprovoked. Especially if you work in customer service. The lodge has a very “laid back” energy and a lot of people in the Gold Coast are regulars there. That night… with the two male friends I walked in with $200 in cash and a card that had about $65 on it ( it’s not my primary card… I left my wallet at home and use this specific card for minor purchases). This is the part of the situation that I take complete responsibility for. I knew the lodge doesn’t take cash. I should have brought another card with. One of the guys I was with was getting increasingly pushy about me taking him to my apartment. That wasn’t going to happen and it wasn’t a friendship I wanted to continue lol but I wanted to have fun and knew I had enough money to pay for MY drinks. Like most girls at a bar… the guys I’m with usually paid for my drinks but in the particular situation where I didn’t feel completely safe with the guys I was with and I couldn’t depend on the female bartenders to look out for me I just wanted to pay for my own drinks so that I didn’t feel any pressure or obligation to take anyone to my apartment or do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. I had 4 shots. $65 on a credit builder card and $200 in cash. My bill came and my card inevitably declined for $70+ dollars. I was humiliated and the bartenders had been chuckling at me with regulars all night. At this point the guy I was with who was aggressively trying to come to my apartment and was realizing that would not happen took the opportunity to retaliate and walk out on me. The female bartender who I already had the previous unpleasant experience with proceeded to get in the middle of the bar, holding up my card and yelled that my card was declined and it needed to be taken cared of. I was mortified. There are usually cops outside the lodge… I’m friendly with most of them and I knew in that moment that I’d rather deal with a cop than this girl who insists on humiliating me every time I come into the bar. I’m no stranger to the energy I got from her. Women feeling eclipsed by my presence and wanting to humiliate me. I wanted no part of it. I asked to talk to the cops. She perked right up at the opportunity to throw the black girl to the cops. I’m not a criminal I have no reason to fear police officers whose duty is to make me feel safe. I think that’s a cultural misunderstanding on my part. I’m African…not African American and I’m still learning about race relations in America. I told her to “ move her fat ass out of my way” she was towering over me yelling at me while the entire bar watched and chuckled. It was humiliating. But I do regret insulting her. I think it gave her ammunition to demonize me in this situation and I also just hate being mean to people. The cops were actually very friendly….I was drunk and in a vulnerable state and I think they saw that. My card was eventually charged for the $65 dollars it would allow and I went home. Horrified. Embarrassed. I’m someone that struggles with depression and anxiety and I’m open about that bc I think a lot of people understand my struggles especially with all the social issues that have come up in the past couple of years. We’re all a little triggered.
In the society… in this world… as a black woman, I understand how the world sees me. But my personal power isn’t dependent on other peoples projections of my value. We all have power. My truth is my power. My rawness. My vulnerability. My compassion. My relentless pursuit of justice. That’s my power.
I wrote a review the next morning…. An extensive one like this one. Again….in a world where you aren’t seen… respected…. Loved… my truth is my power. I explained my experiences at the lodge till date… but I was immature in my wording. I didn’t call the female bartender by her name… I used physical descriptors that were offensive. I specifically used the words “fat ass”. I should ass that I use the word “fat” to describe myself all the time. It’s just a word to me…it’s an objective physical descriptor. But in this context it was offensive and I realize that. I was hurt by how she treated me… humiliated me. But it wasn’t an acceptable way to deal with the situation but relative to how I had been treated I felt justified taking that dig. In retrospect I realize that only decreased my credibility in the situation and created more animosity.
I moved on to the next phase of dealing with this very uncomfortable situation which was advocating for myself. I reached out to the HR department of the company that owns this bar and the lady I spoke with seemed like she cared and she told me she would investigate the situation. I waited patiently for 3 weeks or so…. Within that time… every time I walked past the lodge I was met with overt comments through their open windows from regulars. I can’t begin to explain how humiliating this was…this wasn’t the kind of attention I wanted in my new home. And as someone who is mentally fragile and deals with intense depression…this experience was deeply damaging. It hurt me to my core.
I decided to try something different. I went back to the lodge and spoke with said female bartender….I asked her what her issue was with me? I brought up her damaging and offensive behaviors( gossiping and ridiculing me to customers at the bar). She denied it and in turn brought up the fact that I called her “fat” I immediately apologized. I’m not a body shamer and I’m someone that actively tries to support other women. I explained to her that I’ve had a ton of experiences in my life where I’ve been treated unfairly for the color of my skin or women ostracizing me because they’re threatened by the way I look when I have makeup and fancy clothes on…( I have two sides to me… the tomboy and the princess… I love putting on a little foundation, lashes and lipstick and looking like a doll lol) and my extroversion. This was my attempt at radical vulnerability and she dismissed it immediately. “That has nothing to do with it, you were treated how you were bc of the way you were acting”. An admission that I was in fact being treated poorly and an insidious attempt to use racial stereotypes to demonize the black girl. “the way you were acting”. How was I acting? I wasn’t being obnoxious… I was doing what people do at a bar. Get drunk and have conversations. My goal wasn’t to be “right”, my goal with restoring harmony. So I offered her a hug which she understandably declined. I was told that I wasn’t allowed at the bar anymore. I was enraged by this. In my opinion I hadn’t done anything to warrant a ban. Cards get declined. I didn’t yell or act aggressively when I was humiliated in front of the entire bar…. A ban was unfair. There are tons of bars in the Gold Coast I don’t NEED to go to the lodge. It’s the principle. You cannot ostracize people from spaces because of your personal bias against them. It’s unfair. And this in my opinion constitutes as “direct” discrimination and disrespect. It was subtle and insidious and I wasn’t going to just sit back and take it.
In the weeks that followed every weekend I walked past the lodge I was met with catcalling and obscenities being yelled at me. I was told on dating apps by people in the neighborhood that a rumor was going about that I was a prositute. I remember the black male manager at the lodge asking me where I worked when I asked him to advocate for me about the bullying situation. At the time I thought it was an odd… irrelevant question in response to such a horrifying and traumatizing experience. Apparently you can’t be black and attractive in the Gold Coast or you’re probably a prostitute. I have a rewarding engineering job that I love. He added “ well if your card hadn’t gotten declined none of this would have happened”. I have nothing against sex workers but the defamation of my character was getting out of control and I needed to do something about it. My mental health was on a steady decline. I couldn’t eat or get out of bed. I was too humiliated to even leave the house...to walk my dog…No one should ever have to feel that amount of discomfort where the live.
I decided to escalate the situation and I sent emails to every management person I could find online associated with the lodge management group. My first email was responded to and I was told the situation would be “investigated”. I know they have cameras. They could have easily rolled back the footage to see the bartender humiliating me. Was I overcharged? I ordered 4 shots. How was it 70+ dollars?. Weeks passed. The bullying continued. My depression worsened and nothing was investigated.
The security guards at the lodge and affiliate bars had heard about the situation at this point and every time I visited the hange uppe ( which I loved)or shenanigans…I was greeted with disrespect from the guards. There was an air of blind tribalism. It didn’t seem to matter to anyone who was right or wrong in the situation. It had been decided that I was a problem and that was the narrative.
I went to the hangeuppe one Thursday and had a great time like a always do. Going out on the weekend It’s my catharsis after a long week of work. I get to dress up and look cute and meet cute boys. My extroverted nature loved it. One this Thursday though when I got to the door… I knew the guards were talking about me. They were staring at me and whispering as I waited in line and when it was my turn to take my ID… they just starred at me with a scrawl on their faces. At this point in this neighborhood… about 5 months into moving here I’ve gotten very good at ignoring negativity. I simply walked past them and said nothing. But I was hurt…at the end of the night I drunkenly said to one of the guards… “I know you think you know me…but you don’t even know my name. You heard rumors about me and you’re acting based on those without giving me the opportunity to explain myself”. He replied “I do know you”. I responded “actually you don’t…for example we’re both black but I’m African… like from the continent of Africa… you wouldn’t know that unless you actually got to know me… we are both black but we’re different. It’s not fair to make assumptions about people…we are all too complex and layered”. I regretted my drunken attempt at teaching a philosophical lesson immediately. I should have never brought up me being African. It was just an example but I could tell he took it the wrong way. He got very offended and told me to leave. I cried the rest of that night realizing that this would only make the public humiliation saga I was in worse.
The Saturday that followed I went back to the hanguppe like I usually do and was immediately told I wasn’t allowed. In front of everyone. I asked to speak with a manager and was referred to the black male manager who was working at shenanigans at the time. It was a Saturday night. Division street was filled with people and in front of everyone he said “I was told that you were harassing some of my guys at The Hangge Uppe on Thursday it’s become a pattern and because of that you are banned from all of our bars”. He said this in front of everyone and I was sooo humiliated. I knew I needed to advocate for myself. I responded “ It makes me extremely sad that you specifically would say this to me because every time I see you I’ve been kind to you and even given you a hug despite all the horrible things that your staff and other people that are aware of this situation have done to me.I don’t understand why you can’t judge my character based on your personal experiences with me rather than hearsay and rumors“. He responded “ you’re mentally disturbed”. I am not being dramatic when I say this is one of the most painful moments of my life if not the most humiliating and painful moment of my life. I could feel the pain in my throat. I can’t describe to you how I felt in that moment. I had opened up about my anxiety and depression to management when I was being bullied by their staff and regulars. I opened up about my mental health because I wanted the to understand the severity of the bullying and how deeply it was impacting. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts since high school and now they were a daily thing. Because of the actions of a group of people I woke up every day wishing I wasn’t alive. I can’t change being a woman. I can’t change being black. I can’t change being “attractive”. I can’t change being an extrovert. Why would I want to exist in a would where I’m not accepted for who I am but instead punished for it.
The bullying at the lodge and their franchise bars only stopped bc I got a lawyer and a cease and desist was sent to management. I had to advocate for myself. In a messed up way I’m grateful for this experience. It forced me to grow in some pretty profound ways. It forced me to focus more on self care and self love and less on seeking external validation to feel loved. Not everyone is going to like me and that’s okay. If you’re someone that struggles with mental health know that you are not unworthy of love. Your very existence on this planet is proof that you are loved unconditionally. You are irreplaceable and you do matter.
PLEASE CALL OR TEXT 988 ANYTIME TO SPEAK WITH A MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE. You are loved. The universe loves you and so do I.
It’s important for us all to realize that you cannot project stereotypes and assumptions about groups of people unto an individual. I truly believe that if I wasn’t a black woman someone would have done something to advocate for me. But I’m not a victim. I never will be. I am love.

a while ago I asked about my first roll where I had no comedown, slept well, and felt like I was still rolling the next day (mild euphoria and physical effects like jaw clenching) this could have been placebo though. Anyway, I have had a couple rolls since then, and I still haven't experienced the comedown/day after effects everyone talks about. Is this because it's not MDMA? I will be honest I've never tested my pills, but they're definitely good and the experience has always been exactly like I've heard real MDMA described as. Or could it be my brain chemistry or physical resilience? I eat well, lift, and do various forms of cardio daily and have good mental health. Either way, I'm not complaining, I mean I've gotten no negative effects from ecstasy which is pretty cool, but I'm curious. Thanks for any input.

So I’m hoping this post is allowed, but I’m kind of just reaching out for advice. My situation is kind of complicated… my fiancé has a little boy. Almost 2 years old. He still was living with his ex and her sister and he was the only one working and providing for his kid. Well she always said she needed a break from the kid(left every week for 2 nights), never did anything with him or well just anything really. He’s been cooped up in a house (an unfit house I’ll mention shortly) most his life. Well back in December, she got into a wreck. Had neck surgery but was released the next day. Wasn’t hospital bound. She never came back to her home to be with her kid. Instead, she’s been at her boyfriends. The only day she came back was Christmas Eve and she left Christmas Day. And she still isn’t back and it’ll be 4 months now once April hits. She thinks that video chatting a toddler who doesn’t quite understand things is good enough parenting. So I take my fiancé to work and back every day now, and have for almost 4 months. He only just recently got control of his hard earned money that his ex only had access to unless he asked for his money (even while she’s been gone) she’s over all the bills and she hasn’t paid the trash bill in approximately 9 months so all that trash is in bags on her back porch. Her sister has dogs she doesn’t take care of and every time I go pick up my fiancé he’s cleaning up an abundance of dog crap and pee (so the toddler is around a bunch of animal feces) the dogs always knock him over or put scratches or bruises on him, not only that, the dogs also eat everything even a jacket I bought the kid was eaten and a picture frame was too, kid doesn’t have clothes that fit him (except for what I bought him) my fiancé does all he can with all this stress, he’s a great father and we are getting a place together that will be seen fit for his kid. So his ex went off on me and threatened me because in her opinion, I’m just an extra person and it’s not necessary for me to watch/babysit the kid ((but it is for a 17 yr old with no car or anything to(her sister)) I’m accused of replacing her, but also she’s not being a mother or providing for the kid…. I’m told I’m disrespectful, I’m nothing, just another person, etc….. when in reality I haven’t done anything wrong, I’ve been doing so much for everyone… including her and her sister. But yet I’m threatened and I’m the one who has to apologize and idk. I love my fiancé and I want what is best for him and his kid but at this point, I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t feel like I deserve to be treated this way from her and her sister. I’m not just an extra person. I’ve been more of a mother to this kid than she has since he was born. My mental health is just beyond its limits. I guess I’m just asking for everyone’s opinions. Idk.

this story may be tedious but bare with me please.. my ex boyfriend & i have been together for nearly a year. we broke up back in august due to us having a heated argument about me being “toxic” by communicating with him how it is uncomfortable with me for him to be friends with his ex..which led me to do things in order to hurt him back which i regret. next thing you know , it was a never ending battle & we were just hurting each other as well as both getting emotional & wanting to kill ourselves. as well as he made tiktoks about me, posted dark humor jokes i said back in highschool when we used to be friends which got me cancelled online by cancel culture and caused me to be under investigation at my college. therefore, we had no contact for a month since i realized how draining/destructive we were to each other as well as it started to affect my mental health badly. just when things started going great for me , he popped back into my life with an apology letter back in october. ever since then.. we would be on & off which would confuse me. my thing is.. everything is perfect & i am so in love with him when things are going great. like i want to marry him when i graduate & him to be the father of my kids.. as delusional as i sound right now. it hurts so much idk what im feeling like why am i so obsessed with him after all the fights? arguments? why am i still in love? sometimes we argue here & there but he is very harsh with me. he starts cursing , screaming & tells me “i will fck a bith from tinder & send you a video of it.” then make up with me & reminds me im not the victim & that he is. that’s a little background about us.. fast forward.. HES moving to LA in order to further his music career since he wants his music career to take off since it was not going rly well here.( we’re from NJ) what DOESNT make sense to me is that he said he still wants to be in contact everyday. Like texting everyday, FaceTiming & so on. but he told me “we never know what will happen. we might end up hooking up with people. please don’t police me.” & he’ll keep telling me he won’t talk to other girls the way he talks to me because he’s so in love with me.. it doesn’t make sense to me though. idk if im going crazy please let me know. also.. i need to break an unhealthy habit of checking his following since he bought bumble/tinder premium to follow females in LA. which is making me truly insecure. i also don’t know if it’s worth keeping in contact if im going to be overthinking like hell. he also told me not to ask anything about hooking up with other girls or who he’s talking to when he’s there since it’ll make us argue & “ruin” us. & he keeps saying one day we’ll be together soon & how we need to grow. but im too much of an over thinker & i am too hurt atm. idk what to do please I am seeking major advice. my feelings are all over the place right now especially since he’s moving in a few days & we have been spending his last few months here together nearly everyday so I got even more attached. please help why am I so attached and what should I do. Keep in contact or cut off? (If it matters , I’m 20 and he is 24.)

Which treats of the new and agreeable adventure that befell the priest and the barber in the Sierra Morena.
Prompts:
1) What did you think of the party’s reaction to meeting Dorotea?
2) What did you think of her story?
3) Why did Don Fernando make all these promises, and several times repeat them, only to immediately break them?
4) I’ll ask the same I asked about Cardenio: do you relate to Dorotea and her reaction to her misfortune or do you criticise her decision to run out into the desert?
5) Dorotea places emphasis on her family’s social class, so far as blaming it for her misfortunes (“my misfortunes arise from their not being nobly born”). What do you make of that?
6) Lucinda has disappeared too! Has she run into the desert as well?
7) Favourite line / anything else to add?
Free Reading Resources:

• Project Gutenberg
• Standard eBook
• Librivox Audiobook

Illustrations:

1. turning the corner of a rock, they espied a youth dressed like a peasant
2. Having made an end of washing his beauteous feet, he immediately wiped them with a handkerchief, which he pulled out from under his cap;
3. and, at the taking it from thence, he lifted up his face, and the lookers-on had an opportunity of beholding an incomparable beauty (coloured)
4. shaking his head, there began to flow down and spread over his shoulders a quantity of lovely hair, that Apollo himself might envy
5. her feet in the water seemed to be of crystal
6. at the rustling they made in getting upon their feet, the beautiful maiden raised her head -
7. - and, parting her hair from before her eyes, -
8. - saw those who had made the noise
9. “Stay, madam, whoever you are”
10. the riches and nobility they valued themselves most upon, was having me for their daughter
11. here I offer you my hand and my heart
12. and let the Heavens be witness
13. Don Fernando, taking the image that stood in the room, and placing it for a witness of our espousals, with all the solemnity of vows and oaths, gave me his word to be my husband (coloured)
14. “What! madam, is your name Dorothea?”
15. in the dead of that very night, I left our house, accompanied only by my servant, and took the way that led to the town on foot
16. The town crier announces a reward for finding Dorotea
17. with the little strength I had, and without much difficulty, -
18. - I pushed him -
19. - down a precipice, -
20. - where I left him, I know not whether alive or dead. (coloured)
21. where no memory might remain of this wretched creature

1, 4, 14, 19 by Ricardo Balaca (source) 2, 17 by George Roux (source) 3, 13, 16, 20, 21 by Gustave Doré (source), coloured versions by Salvador Tusell (source) 5 by Cecilio Pla (source) 7 by unknown (source) 8, 9, 11 by Tony Johannot (source, source2, source3) 6 by artist/s of 1862 Imprenta Nacional edition (source) 10, 12, 15, 18 by Apel·les Mestres (source, source2, source3, source4)
Past years discussions:

• 2021-03-21
• 2022-03-21

Final line:

‘[..] I say, then, I again betook myself to these deserts, where, without molestation, I might beseech heaven with sighs and tears to have pity on my disconsolate state, and either to assist me with ability to struggle through it, or to put an end to my life among these solitudes, where no memory might remain of this wretched creature, who, without any fault of hers, has ministered matter to be talked of, and censured, in her own and in other countries.'

Next post:
Sat, 25 Mar; in four days, i.e. three-day gap.

Given the title you'd think this would be an open and shut case, but no. It's a story spanning several years so I'll try and keep this as quick and concise as I can.
We met in high school, a time that turned into a living hell for me. Medical conditions and some serious mental afflictions that made getting up to get myself a piece of toast the only thing I remember in a 3 month period kind of hell. I fought through high school and graduated despite everything, and the person I attribute a lot of the support I needed to is this woman I'll simply call T.
T and I were tight and even had romantic feelings for each other, though neither of us acted on it. I didn't because I knew that not only was I not in any state for a relationship but even if I was it wouldn't have worked. She didn't because she'd been burned by a soulless relationship a bit ago and didn't want to loose me as a friend. The reason didn't make sense to me but hey, we were on the same page. We told this to each other after graduation and right before she moved away. I felt she needed to know at the very least. I owe her quite a bit.
The immediate event was that T went completely radio silent after this. It wasn't just to me though, it was everyone. We had a D&D group, a 4 year campaign that was coming to a close, and I played with the rest of her family. The game was a big deal to the father figure (technically uncle) and the game was a way to connect with the kids he cared about, even if he wasn't the best at it. For obvious reasons we wanted her with us but she was just gone. This turned into worry from everyone as weeks went by, and it took some serious finagling to track her down and get confirmation she was ok. This really got me angry because all we required was some indication. A "Hey, it's a stressful time in my life I wont be able to make it." Would have sufficed, but no. There was a short period of time where we kept in contact, but even that dissipated. I didn't hear from her for a few months after we had reconciled the conflict.
I should clarify. By reconciled I mean we had an argument. She compartmentalized me, I hated that, the issues and differences that would have made a relationship inoperable surfaced and I'll just put some bullet points up.
-Apparently I was "The anime guy", nothing more. She didn't specifically state this as an insult, however, just that she talked to people about one specific thing and I was the anime guy. Considering we'd been friends for four years at this point I should have called bs, but I didn't.
-She was apparently annoyed and thought we wanted a day-to-day update. No.
-Went on to insult an anime that I liked. She had watched a quarter of an episode, called it stupid, and then absolutely never stopped bringing it up. This was one of those occasions surprisingly. I don't know why she felt the need.
-She then stated that a family friend of hers said that all her real friends could go years without talking to her and then just pick up where they left off like nothing ever happened. The implication being of course that I wasn't a real friend. I was fresh out of high school. Even if I could pick up a friendship like that I wouldn't consider it a friendship. I still don't now, actually.
-At this point I had sent literally paragraphs trying to explain that her family was just worried and why, but after the above messages I decided I was done with the conversation and stopped.
Months went by and she just starts messaging me out of the blue. Mundane things like making food or anime recommendations. I played along for the most part since she really sounded like she needed someone to talk to. Her family is, to put it mildly, NOT the best and the details will not make it into this post. I sent some reassuring and uplifting messages, we got in the groove of recommending anime again, but it never extended past this. The days of being friends in high school were long past us at this point and while my life was taking a drastic upturn it didn't seem that T's was. The height of the pandemic was particularity strange with her messaging me randomly after 2 months of silence between each conversation. She started saying things like "I was thinking about you today, I thought you'd be overjoyed to know." To which I just responded in confusion. At this point I was completely over the drama and it really seemed like she was trying to tug on my heartstrings and dig something up. The last message she sent me for a year was an eye drop prescription bottle, a jab at my terrible eyesight. It was an obvious joke, so I thought nothing of it.
Then a year goes by. She messages me on discord, a platform she had almost never used, and began the same stuff again. This time, however, she started off with the heavy stuff and said she was worried about how we weren't friends. I was conflicted for reasons I'll get into here in a second, but I engaged once more in the anime sharing routine. Not much of substance or alarm was said but I got the general feeling she once again needed someone to talk to.
At this point in my life high school was a full five years behind me. I had a new group of friends who are absolutely amazing, I have a good job and a wonderful family, and most importantly I had dragged my mental health out of the gutter and put a good sheen on it. In a way T was a reminder of a time when all of that wasn't true. I still cared about her though, so after some casual back and forth for about a month I decided enough was enough. It was hurting me being in some limbo state with her, so I reached out.
I told her we should meet in person since we needed to talk. I offered up a week I had off and ended up waiting four weeks for a reply that never came. If it wasn't made clear already I have a major soft spot for T, but that soft spot was being jabbed constantly by these ghosting sessions. I just couldn't take it. I told her that while I was thankful for everything, and that she deserved the best, I couldn't continue trying to be her friend like this. All those things I was going to say at that in-person meeting would remain unsaid.
I blocked her.
For a time I was absolutely relieved to have closed a chapter in my life, but as time progressed I ended up thinking more and more about it. How could I not? T clearly had issues and she was trying to deal with them in her own way. It's only now in retrospect that I see I supported her perhaps just as much in high school and perhaps she was looking for that again. I could not supply. Then again, she couldn't talk or communicate. I just have to wonder if we're both assholes for it. If there was something I could have done better there. Probably.
We'll never get over our disconnect, that I accepted a LONG time ago. It's a fair assumption that I'll never talk to her again either, even if her family still gets in occasional contact with me. I suppose I just wish we had managed not to freak out, be honest, and be equals.
What do you all think? AITAH? At times I sure feel like one.
TL;DR: A good female friend, who I had romantic feelings for but knew it wouldn't work, supported me throughout high school. She ghosted at an important time, we argued when we got back in contact, and then were off and on for a while. Her mental health was deteriorating and I couldn't take it so I blocked her, but I have a feeling I could have done better.

Ok longish post but i would really appreciate some insite or maybe you share a similar story and can offer any advice! I really appreciate yall reading this!
I first got my period sometime in grade school, by the time i hit highschool, it seemed like every year my period was getting worse and worse. By the time college rolled around my period was averaging 10 days with usually 4-5ish days being decently heavy and the cramps at times were unbearable (to the point i missed classes)! I also was suffering from pretty bad acne that i could not get rid of. In the province i was living in at the time birthcontrol was covered under your provincial health coverage until you turn 25, and i had friends tell me constantly i should look at starting birth control as it helps with acne and cramps and will regulate my period.
I finally made an appointment and started the Alysena pill, it made a huge difference! My acne was manageable, my cramps were minimal and if they acted up i could take advil and it would actually work and my periods also only lasted at most 7 days! In my last year of college i decided to get an IUD as i was forgetting to take the pills sometimes and why not if its covered?! I got the Mirena hormonal IUD and at first it was ok but after a few months my cramps returned full force, my periods were back to being heavy and long and I just couldnt handle it! I even went back to confirm nothing had moved! I decided after almost a year with it in that it needed to come out and I tried to ask my doctor what my options were. She basically told me the pill , ring or the injection which im more scared of because i seem to be in the 1% of stats where i react bad to things and at least with an IUD or pill i can just remove it from my body (deff not anti vax fyi!). I decided to go back on the pill to get some relief from my cramps and its been going well but since being back on them for almost a year now ive found my mood to be affected, and my libido to be in the gutter, which was never an issue before. I have been through a lot more personally in the last few years so it could be other mental health things, but i was also found to have cysts i my breast tissue that my Doctor said was unusual as the BC should prevent that from happening and recommended i stop taking it.
Im at the point now where I would like to be off the medication as the more im reading the more im finding out about all the damage it can do to your body. But if I go off of it i know my period will go back to heavy 10 day flow, the cramps are going to hinder my ability to get up and go to work and im scared at this point in my life my acne that i finally have under control will come back with a vengeance! Im worried about the pregnancy thing but i am in a long term relationship and engaged, but we definitely arent ready for kids at this point and ive been super cautious and take all the preventing measures, so its not even my main concern. My mom does have endometriosis, im not sure how involved hers is as she barely goes to the doctors for things and refuses to take medications unless absolutely necessary. I did bring it up to my doctor once but she didnt seem to concerned.
Has anyone successfully come off and found a way to manage their horrible period or maybe can guide me in finding out if i have endo or something else going on because i feel like i should not be this painful or bleeding that long! Thanks for reading this far!
TLDR: periods lasted 10ish days, cramps super painful, acne everywhere prior to starting BC, started the pill everything was fabulous (shorter length, cramps bearable, acne managed), switched to hormonal IUD everything went back to aweful, switched back to pill now everything is ok again but my mood/libido is trash and other health issues. Mom has endo dr told me she wasnt worried. Anyone else make the decision to stop BC? Is endo possible how do i know.?

Hello!
For the past few months I have been endlessly stressing about my future career, and it's making me lose sleep.
For context, I was a decent high school student. I was a honor roll kid the entire time, my plan was to get into a political science program and get into law school. During my senior year, I fell into a string of at home and mental health issues, which greatly impacted my school performance. I was fairly decent at mathematics, but I absolutely tanked my math diploma that year (32%). I was trying to balance school, part-time work, a breakup, and an overly chaotic home. I don't have much of a support system, so it was very hard to go through it all alone. At this point in time I dreaded the thought of going to school. I stopped hanging out with people, stopped applying myself in my studies, and all I wanted to do was stay home and lie in bed. Luckily (for me at the time) Covid hit, and I was given a break from school (around March 2020). During this time I got an offer from one of my friends to work at a restaurant he was employed at, the allure of $50 a week in tips as a dishwasher greatly enticed me in comparison to my mundane grocery store job.
I come from a hardworking low-income immigrant family, and this new job gave me the ability to apply the work ethic they taught me. During this time I never felt more driven to improve myself and become better. I wanted to learn more than ever. I put my head down and worked hard. It was so exhilarating to learn something new, and have the ability to be rewarded for hard work. It was at this time that I decided that I was going to take a gap year before returning to school. I enrolled in a political science program, but I burnt out quickly. I was trying to balance working and studying full-time. I had to choose which of the two I wanted to prioritize. I chose work. I wanted to see where it would take me, I couldn't just cut it short. When I dropped out of school, I told my parents I didn't want to go back to school and that I wanted to make use of what I already had in the restaurant industry. I had moved up the ladder and became a member of the management team. I wanted to become a regional chef (corporate kitchen). In my eyes, why go to school for x amount of years when I could just apply myself at this career for the same amount of time and I'd be somewhere similar in pay. I also knew about the stress that accompanied the legal profession. My parents did not take this decision kindly, and I impulsively moved out because I was sick of the arguing.
I lived in an apartment by myself for around a year, but something hit me one evening. My apartment was a shitty 400sq ft 1bdrm. Terrible building, and loud ass neighbors, got metal poisoning and was losing hair from the water. Right outside my balcony, there was this set of new apartment buildings. Insanely fucking tall, and just staring at me every time I looked out the window. I thought to myself, what do I have to do to afford a place like that? I knew that if I continued down my kitchen career it would take me a long time to even afford the rent, much less have a sustainable life in it. I also started to hate my job at this point. I was working 12+ hours a day. Hated some of the other management. Had no real work-life balance. Didn't have a lot of friends. No time for a girlfriend. Was extremely tight on funds, and budgeted every penny (salary pay). Stressed the fuck out. I just worked and came home to play league of legends on my off time. Down the line, I couldn't comfortably support a family if I wanted to. The career I wanted in this industry didn’t pay as well as I thought and I just ended up hating working in a kitchen, and I didn’t want to settle there and knew that I could do better.
Because of this, I knew I had to find a way out. I tried coding (was interesting but it is a lot of math), tried to apply to a business/finance program (forgot I sucked at math), and eventually found myself applying for the same thing I dropped out of school for. Ironic right? At this point, I felt like it was my only option. I sucked at math so all of the quantitative options were out the window. I enjoyed social studies and writing essays in high school so it was fair to say that it was the best option in this scenario. I eventually moved back home with my parents. I knew it was selfish for me to move out. My mother asked me for money to help them out, and I knew I couldn't do that with my chef salary. I also hated my apartment; having no girlfriend gave me no reason to have my own place.
I started school in the fall of last year and I have mixed feelings about it. I was out of school for 2 years, and the adjustment was difficult. I thoroughly enjoyed my political science courses, but hate everything else. A's in my poli classes, B's in everything else.
I'm nearing the end of my second semester, and I'm having doubts about law school.

1. I know the GPA is competitive, and I have anxiety that I am not going to have the desired average. All of these courses outside of my degree stream are killing me, and are hurting my GPA. I know I'm taking a full course load while working part-time, and it is a factor in my dedication to school. In my future semesters, I'm going to drop a course or two to better balance my life and hopefully improve my grades (around a 3.3 currently).
2. I'm old(er). Currently, I'm 20 (turning 21 next week), and am expected to graduate with my bachelor's at 25. Add law school I'd be 28. I'd be a little later into my career field than my peers, and if I wanted to take a year off to travel (life-long dream) then I'd be more behind.
3. Is law school and the career actually worth it? To be honest, I like money, prestige, and wearing nice clothes. I never had any of those things growing up. I shot myself in the foot by nearly failing math, and it seems like law is my only route to success. However, I keep reading more and more about the practice itself and it is never what media or tv shows make it out to be. High stress, poor work-life balance, and mediocre pay. Because of these things, it makes me have doubts about whether or not it would be worth it in the end. Paying close to $100k for a career field I might transition out of down the line does not seem to make the most sense.
4. Expensive. I pay for school out of pocket with no help from my parents. If I were to go to law school, I’d have to take out a FAT loan to support myself. I don't want to be handcuffed to a mountain of debt to a career I might not possibly like
5. I don't have a natural affinity for law. The idea of being a lawyer mostly came from my parents. Reading articles/posts on not going into law if you aren't extremely passionate about it is off-putting.

General idea of my possible career fields:
Law
- Try and get a high GPA and LSAT score to get into a law school, preferably UBC, York, or McGill (I am in Canada). Survive the stress, and really have an understanding if the career is 100% for me.
- It would be cool to tell people that I am a lawyer, would also make my parents proud
Business
- I know the political science bachelor's is somewhat useless on its own, so I'd have to have some graduate degree to compete. Possibly get a masters in political science or public policy. Unsure of what I'd be able to do though.
- Maybe get an MBA if I am able to get into a company with my bachelor's.
- Because of my restaurant background I have a good amount of management experience. I am confident in business and people management, as well as customer service.
- I could also get a tutor and attempt to get into a commerce program, it would be hard work as I’d have to relearn everything that I forgot about.
Government
- Try and land a government job either with my bachelor's or go to grad school before I apply. If I go this route I'd want to travel the world and be a diplomat. But I do know that the pay is not as high, and is instead compensated by work-life balance and benefits.
Go back to the restaurant industry
- Probably my plan if all else fails. From this route, I'd try and work at a restaurant adjacent company/start my own. I know the restaurant business has ridiculously tight margins, and I'd rather be servicing restaurants in some sort of way rather than working in one. Maybe something with supply chains or restaurant management technology.
I want something that can be fulfilling of some sort. I love communicating with team members or clients, and I want to use my expertise to help people in a way. I want a life outside of work, I don’t want to just live my life without setting aside time for things outside of my career. No one on their deathbed wished they worked more. I want to travel and see the world. My father did when he was in his 20s and until now I have not left the country and I’m itching to get out. But I do want stability and a sustainable income. My family has struggled all of my life, and I don’t want to endure that any longer. I know that these aspects are a big ask because it takes a lot to make a lot. Sacrifice is needed to be successful. I just have trouble envisioning balance. What should I do?
I know I've rambled on and on but I've been overthinking for too long to not get at least some advice. Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful day.

I really contemplated for a while not writing this review. I’m someone that values harmony in my living environment so I don’t love to “ruffle” feathers unnecessarily but my personality is a little contradictory in the sense that although I’m not a “confrontational” person by nature, I have an intensely visceral reaction to injustice of any kind and if a confrontation is warranted I will not shy from it. I moved to the Gold Coast in may last year. This bar…The lodge tavern is right next to my apartment and it was one of my first stops. I’m going to be careful not to mention any specific names in this review because this isn’t meant to be an attack on any specific individuals involved in this situation. This is simply me speaking my truth. I enjoyed my initial visit to the lodge. I met a male manager who was welcoming and the staff seemed nice as well. I was definitely in a “post pandemic” mind space where I just wanted to go out and meet people. I am pretty extroverted for the most part so quarantine took a toll on my mental health. I was missing that sense of community and belonging. The Gold Coast had this energy of a quaint community oriented neighborhood and I was excited to get out there and make new friends. My second visit to the lodge was much less pleasant. A female bartender was working at the time. I got a cider and had my little service animal in training with me. I knew no one in the neighborhood at the time and it was nice to get out in a cozy bar near my home with my dog… it all seemed perfect. My pup was busy exploring the peanut shells on the ground which was so cute to watch… he wandered near a couple sitting at the bar and the woman understandably looked annoyed. I heard her audibly say something about me to the female bartender who chuckled. I decided to ignore it. Professionalism is a huge deal to me so I was a bit shocked when the bartender joined the customer in ridiculing me. It was hurtful and shocking. I should add that I’m an African immigrant and since moving to the US with my family I have experienced a lot of situations where I feel “othered” or “excluded” in predominantly white spaces for obvious reasons. Im used to this and unless it becomes direct…. I ignore it. And that interaction… although humiliating… wasn’t direct enough for me to make it an issue. I paid for my drink, tipped well and left. About 2 weeks later… I wandered into the lodge with two guys I met at another bar who wanted to come upstairs to my apartment to “hangout”. I suggested going to the lodge instead bc I just wasnt comfortable with having 2 guys I barely know to my tiny studio apartment. Upon arriving at the lodge I noticed that the same bartender who was working last time was working that night with another girl. I walked in and greeted them both and was responded to with smug looks and short responses. I thought nothing of it. Although this behavior is again hurtful… it just wasn’t direct enough for me to make it an issue. I’m grateful for my parents and the way I was raised… it’s not in my nature to make myself “smaller” or “dim my light” to make other people comfortable. I believe that as long as I’m respectful to others…. I give myself permission to be the most extroverted and brightest version of myself. I also believe respect should be reciprocal. Especially in the Midwest…lol it’s just socially awkward in my opinion to be be rude to others unprovoked. Especially if you work in customer service. The lodge has a very “laid back” energy and a lot of people in the Gold Coast are regulars there. That night… with the two male friends I walked in with $200 in cash and a card that had about $65 on it ( it’s not my primary card… I left my wallet at home and use this specific card for minor purchases). This is the part of the situation that I take complete responsibility for. I knew the lodge doesn’t take cash. I should have brought another card with. One of the guys I was with was getting increasingly pushy about me taking him to my apartment. That wasn’t going to happen and it wasn’t a friendship I wanted to continue lol but I wanted to have fun and knew I had enough money to pay for MY drinks. Like most girls at a bar… the guys I’m with usually paid for my drinks but in the particular situation where I didn’t feel completely safe with the guys I was with and I couldn’t depend on the female bartenders to look out for me I just wanted to pay for my own drinks so that I didn’t feel any pressure or obligation to take anyone to my apartment or do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. I had 4 shots. $65 on a credit builder card and $200 in cash. My bill came and my card inevitably declined for $70+ dollars. I was humiliated and the bartenders had been chuckling at me with regulars all night. At this point the guy I was with who was aggressively trying to come to my apartment and was realizing that would not happen took the opportunity to retaliate and walk out on me. The female bartender who I already had the previous unpleasant experience with proceeded to get in the middle of the bar, holding up my card and yelled that my card was declined and it needed to be taken cared of. I was mortified. There are usually cops outside the lodge… I’m friendly with most of them and I knew in that moment that I’d rather deal with a cop than this girl who insists on humiliating me every time I come into the bar. I’m no stranger to the energy I got from her. Women feeling eclipsed by my presence and wanting to humiliate me. I wanted no part of it. I asked to talk to the cops. She perked right up at the opportunity to throw the black girl to the cops. I’m not a criminal I have no reason to fear police officers whose duty is to make me feel safe. I think that’s a cultural misunderstanding on my part. I’m African…not African American and I’m still learning about race relations in America. I told her to “ move her fat ass out of my way” she was towering over me yelling at me while the entire bar watched and chuckled. It was humiliating. But I do regret insulting her. I think it gave her ammunition to demonize me in this situation and I also just hate being mean to people. The cops were actually very friendly….I was drunk and in a vulnerable state and I think they saw that. My card was eventually charged for the $65 dollars it would allow and I went home. Horrified. Embarrassed. I’m someone that struggles with depression and anxiety and I’m open about that bc I think a lot of people understand my struggles especially with all the social issues that have come up in the past couple of years. We’re all a little triggered.
In the society… in this world… as a black woman, I understand how the world sees me. But my personal power isn’t dependent on other peoples projections of my value. We all have power. My truth is my power. My rawness. My vulnerability. My compassion. My relentless pursuit of justice. That’s my power.
I wrote a review the next morning…. An extensive one like this one. Again….in a world where you aren’t seen… respected…. Loved… my truth is my power. I explained my experiences at the lodge till date… but I was immature in my wording. I didn’t call the female bartender by her name… I used physical descriptors that were offensive. I specifically used the words “fat ass”. I should ass that I use the word “fat” to describe myself all the time. It’s just a word to me…it’s an objective physical descriptor. But in this context it was offensive and I realize that. I was hurt by how she treated me… humiliated me. But it wasn’t an acceptable way to deal with the situation but relative to how I had been treated I felt justified taking that dig. In retrospect I realize that only decreased my credibility in the situation and created more animosity.
I moved on to the next phase of dealing with this very uncomfortable situation which was advocating for myself. I reached out to the HR department of the company that owns this bar and the lady I spoke with seemed like she cared and she told me she would investigate the situation. I waited patiently for 3 weeks or so…. Within that time… every time I walked past the lodge I was met with overt comments through their open windows from regulars. I can’t begin to explain how humiliating this was…this wasn’t the kind of attention I wanted in my new home. And as someone who is mentally fragile and deals with intense depression…this experience was deeply damaging. It hurt me to my core.
I decided to try something different. I went back to the lodge and spoke with said female bartender….I asked her what her issue was with me? I brought up her damaging and offensive behaviors( gossiping and ridiculing me to customers at the bar). She denied it and in turn brought up the fact that I called her “fat” I immediately apologized. I’m not a body shamer and I’m someone that actively tries to support other women. I explained to her that I’ve had a ton of experiences in my life where I’ve been treated unfairly for the color of my skin or women ostracizing me because they’re threatened by the way I look when I have makeup and fancy clothes on…( I have two sides to me… the tomboy and the princess… I love putting on a little foundation, lashes and lipstick and looking like a doll lol) and my extroversion. This was my attempt at radical vulnerability and she dismissed it immediately. “That has nothing to do with it, you were treated how you were bc of the way you were acting”. An admission that I was in fact being treated poorly and an insidious attempt to use racial stereotypes to demonize the black girl. “the way you were acting”. How was I acting? I wasn’t being obnoxious… I was doing what people do at a bar. Get drunk and have conversations. My goal wasn’t to be “right”, my goal with restoring harmony. So I offered her a hug which she understandably declined. I was told that I wasn’t allowed at the bar anymore. I was enraged by this. In my opinion I hadn’t done anything to warrant a ban. Cards get declined. I didn’t yell or act aggressively when I was humiliated in front of the entire bar…. A ban was unfair. There are tons of bars in the Gold Coast I don’t NEED to go to the lodge. It’s the principle. You cannot ostracize people from spaces because of your personal bias against them. It’s unfair. And this in my opinion constitutes as “direct” discrimination and disrespect. It was subtle and insidious and I wasn’t going to just sit back and take it.
In the weeks that followed every weekend I walked past the lodge I was met with catcalling and obscenities being yelled at me. I was told on dating apps by people in the neighborhood that a rumor was going about that I was a prositute. I remember the black male manager at the lodge asking me where I worked when I asked him to advocate for me about the bullying situation. At the time I thought it was an odd… irrelevant question in response to such a horrifying and traumatizing experience. Apparently you can’t be black and attractive in the Gold Coast or you’re probably a prostitute. I have a rewarding engineering job that I love. He added “ well if your card hadn’t gotten declined none of this would have happened”. I have nothing against sex workers but the defamation of my character was getting out of control and I needed to do something about it. My mental health was on a steady decline. I couldn’t eat or get out of bed. I was too humiliated to even leave the house...to walk my dog…No one should ever have to feel that amount of discomfort where the live.
I decided to escalate the situation and I sent emails to every management person I could find online associated with the lodge management group. My first email was responded to and I was told the situation would be “investigated”. I know they have cameras. They could have easily rolled back the footage to see the bartender humiliating me. Was I overcharged? I ordered 4 shots. How was it 70+ dollars?. Weeks passed. The bullying continued. My depression worsened and nothing was investigated.
The security guards at the lodge and affiliate bars had heard about the situation at this point and every time I visited the hange uppe ( which I loved)or shenanigans…I was greeted with disrespect from the guards. There was an air of blind tribalism. It didn’t seem to matter to anyone who was right or wrong in the situation. It had been decided that I was a problem and that was the narrative.
I went to the hangeuppe one Thursday and had a great time like a always do. Going out on the weekend It’s my catharsis after a long week of work. I get to dress up and look cute and meet cute boys. My extroverted nature loved it. One this Thursday though when I got to the door… I knew the guards were talking about me. They were staring at me and whispering as I waited in line and when it was my turn to take my ID… they just starred at me with a scrawl on their faces. At this point in this neighborhood… about 5 months into moving here I’ve gotten very good at ignoring negativity. I simply walked past them and said nothing. But I was hurt…at the end of the night I drunkenly said to one of the guards… “I know you think you know me…but you don’t even know my name. You heard rumors about me and you’re acting based on those without giving me the opportunity to explain myself”. He replied “I do know you”. I responded “actually you don’t…for example we’re both black but I’m African… like from the continent of Africa… you wouldn’t know that unless you actually got to know me… we are both black but we’re different. It’s not fair to make assumptions about people…we are all too complex and layered”. I regretted my drunken attempt at teaching a philosophical lesson immediately. I should have never brought up me being African. It was just an example but I could tell he took it the wrong way. He got very offended and told me to leave. I cried the rest of that night realizing that this would only make the public humiliation saga I was in worse.
The Saturday that followed I went back to the hanguppe like I usually do and was immediately told I wasn’t allowed. In front of everyone. I asked to speak with a manager and was referred to the black male manager who was working at shenanigans at the time. It was a Saturday night. Division street was filled with people and in front of everyone he said “I was told that you were harassing some of my guys at The Hangge Uppe on Thursday it’s become a pattern and because of that you are banned from all of our bars”. He said this in front of everyone and I was sooo humiliated. I knew I needed to advocate for myself. I responded “ It makes me extremely sad that you specifically would say this to me because every time I see you I’ve been kind to you and even given you a hug despite all the horrible things that your staff and other people that are aware of this situation have done to me.I don’t understand why you can’t judge my character based on your personal experiences with me rather than hearsay and rumors“. He responded “ you’re mentally disturbed”. I am not being dramatic when I say this is one of the most painful moments of my life if not the most humiliating and painful moment of my life. I could feel the pain in my throat. I can’t describe to you how I felt in that moment. I had opened up about my anxiety and depression to management when I was being bullied by their staff and regulars. I opened up about my mental health because I wanted the to understand the severity of the bullying and how deeply it was impacting. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts since high school and now they were a daily thing. Because of the actions of a group of people I woke up every day wishing I wasn’t alive. I can’t change being a woman. I can’t change being black. I can’t change being “attractive”. I can’t change being an extrovert. Why would I want to exist in a would where I’m not accepted for who I am but instead punished for it.
The bullying at the lodge and their franchise bars only stopped bc I got a lawyer and a cease and desist was sent to management. I had to advocate for myself. In a messed up way I’m grateful for this experience. It forced me to grow in some pretty profound ways. It forced me to focus more on self care and self love and less on seeking external validation to feel loved. Not everyone is going to like me and that’s okay. If you’re someone that struggles with mental health know that you are not unworthy of love. Your very existence on this planet is proof that you are loved unconditionally. You are irreplaceable and you do matter.
PLEASE CALL OR TEXT 988 ANYTIME TO SPEAK WITH A MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE. You are loved. The universe loves you and so do I.
It’s important for us all to realize that you cannot project stereotypes and assumptions about groups of people unto an individual. I truly believe that if I wasn’t a black woman someone would have done something to advocate for me. But I’m not a victim. I never will be. I am love.

Hello everyone. I just graduated college so I’ve been a lot more health conscious I’ve come from a bad past with eating disorders and unhealthy behaviors. I recently started a daily habit of doing a mixture of Pilates and yoga, around 15-30 minutes per day. Now that I’ve been good about keeping the habit, im going to slowly work into going to the gym as a part of my schedule. I really enjoy incline walking and I usually just play a podcast and walk for up to an hour, so im planning on using that as well for at least a few times a week! Im trying to make these habits stick and the Pilates and yoga is doable because it’s something I really enjoy and im trying not to torture myself by forcing myself to do workouts I hate. My next step is nutrition, and I think im on the right track with that as well. Same as before im kind of sprinkling in “unhealthy” foods I like or fast foods here and there so I don’t hate my life, but I’ve been getting back into healthy food gradually by choosing to eat the healthy food I really enjoy. I’ve always loved mushrooms and spinach in particular, so those are pretty regular and I’ve heard they are really great for you. Weight loss is not the only goal, I want to feel good mentally and look good physically as well. So im trying to create a solid foundation of good habits that will help make loosing a bit of weight much easier. I’m open to any tips or advice! Thanks in advance.

Basically I have a friend I've known since middle school. We used to be way closer in middle and high school (basically best friends) and we both really helped each other with some tough times. A few years ago, my dad died the summer before we were both starting college (different schools) and she kinda ghosted me for a few months because I was being too negative. I can take responsibility for this because honestly I might've been trauma dumping since she was my best friend at the time and I didn't have anyone else to talk to (therapy wasn't financially an option, mom died when I was a kid, I didn't have any other adults in my life I was close to at the time) and I completely understand that it might've been too much for her. However, I would never abandon a friend during their lowest times and although I get her side, part of me just can't really let it go. After we both started college and a few months had passed she reached out to me again. I never brought up my bitterness, partially because I didn't want to have a fight but the bigger reason being I just didn't want to "lose" someone else I was close to so I continued talking to her like normal and didn't really talk to her about my grief about losing my dad.
We're still friends despite the physical distance and us both living in different cities. For the most part, I thought I was over it but I noticed recently I've been thinking about it more. She usually texts me whenever she has an issue usually with a guy or at work and she'll talk for ages and I'll always listen and be there for her for as long as she needs as well as checking in on her later if she's still upset, but when she does ask about how I'm doing, she always says she has to go a few minutes later and most of our conversations are about her. I wasn't taking this so personally before since I am also quite busy with work and friends and I know it's hard to maintain relationships, especially when you live so far away and the only way to talk is over text but this has been going on for almost a year. For some reason, recently when she's been messaging me, it reminds me of what a dark place I was in when my dad died even though it has nothing to do with her. I was so alone and I still struggle with mdd but I'm in therapy now, have a great job and support system, and in an amazing relationship so even though I still have a lot of dark days, I think I'm managing it better now, or at least as well as I can.
I don't know what it is about this friend and me feeling so upset after we talk. I'm not normally a super emotional person and I never hold grudges with anyone else. I've noticed every time we've talked in the last few months resulted in me getting super upset after and sometimes I cried after. again, it's not due to anything she said but I think I associate her too much with the worst time in my life. I get I might have been too much but I continued to struggle for years and still do with opening up to anyone in my life because I assume they'll do the same thing and leave. I keep my emotions to myself 99% of the time and have gotten better at being my own therapist lol. I know it's wrong to blame all this on her and I won't say this to her because it would upset her. It's just internalized emotions but at this point I think staying friends is not the best for my mental health. I know I'm overthinking and projecting for a lot of this and I know she thinks of me as one of her best friends and I did too until recently but I don't know to go about this now/how to talk to her if I should even do that. I thought I'd snap out of it eventually tbh. How should I proceed with this?

I've been watching the highlights from tonight's game straight from the Bulls own YouTube channel as where I live I don't get the live Bulls telecast. Big game coming up, going against one of the best teams, battling against Embiid and his evil winning streak, the Bulls put up a fight and eventually win. I get my juices ready for the Stacy King special, what I noticed basically extremely subdued this game aside from a couple DeRozan compton references. Didn't say anything when Coby White twisted Embiid's ankle on crossover, and mainly quiet or quite subdued with most other big shots also. Now most my Stacy King experience was during the Thibs/Rose/Noah era, when I was able to watch full games, and these days I watch the highlights when I can, but I've never seen or heard Stacy this subdued. Does anyone know what's up? Is he taking a step back and allowing Amin to get more excited? Has he been jaded as the losses piled up this season? Is he just sick or otherwise low energy for today? Is it just a bad set of highlights? I hope this was an anomaly because I honestly enjoy Stacey King very much, wish for him well but quite concerned based on this highlight reel and one other highlight reel. I know Stacy has toned it down in general compared to the younger years especially with Kerr, but almost no excitement today based on the highlights alone. He had a lot more energy during the Rose era.

Recently I, started talking to this guy and things have been going well. We opened up about our mental health issues and started to lean on each other for support. His mental health has gotten so bad to the point where he can no longer text anymore more. He apologized and said sorry for not texting me as much and how he felt so bad for canceling our plans. I told him it was okay and that I’ll give him some space for a couple days. I also told him that I would always wait for him.
Was that a bad idea? I like him so much that I feel bad for leaving him when times gets rough for him, but at the same time I do not want myself getting hurt in the process? Anyone have any guidance for this type of situation?

These two videos --this one ^_^ gives me strong teen angst from the first decade of this century vibes The Nu-Metal Scene In 5 Minutes - YouTube and this ~+20 minute video had some neat points https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATllyNXF3Kg but this image Pinterest made me think that if this might actually be happening among pensioner age ppl discussing music we darn well need to stop letting the more gatekeepy figures and elements in music stop pretending that nu metal was never good enough, never acceptable for whatever reasons (uneven hip-hop elements thrown in, taking more after punk rock methods and musicality than the blues etc ) when what listeners would've heard it are increasingly overlapping with those who listen to dad rock .
Before hip-hop made increasingly pop, party and EDM oriented tonal shifts during the mid 00's and emo caught on as arguably one of the final relevant rock trends of the pre-music download+social media factors adjacent era, pop punk and nu metal were there aurally feeding kids who became adults who have such a scant fertility rate of offspring who we're seriously expecting to grow up on pre-90's that would be as alien to them as if those who had Nirvana as their gateway would've found Elvis and the early Beatles ? -- this highlights the chronological gap we already face with bringing up grunge and nu metal alone: https://www.reddit.com/meirl/comments/11vxwa9/meirl/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1 ) .
___
When it comes to bashing nu metal there's a movie I'm personally fond of which has fueled me in vouching for nu metal -- the mixed reception of the Queen of the damned movie.
If the not so metal music parts of the movie like the intro with the close up on the neat ancient Egyptian statues and the violin playing on the beach part had been the tonal focus to flesh out on it might've veered to sounding like something from this 'magic spell' or 'sense of grip' from this album (Macroblank - dungeon of lust - YouTube which uncannily has cover art not unlike an Anne Rice novel). Stuff which is cool in it's own right which I can see a late R&B artist like Aailyah making use of but curiously enough..
Queen of the Damned: Music from the Motion Picture - Wikipedia
" Late actress and R&B singer Aaliyah , who played Akasha in the movie, was not featured on the soundtrack. Before her death, [Jonathan] Davis and Aaliyah had planned to record a duet. "
I darn well would've fancied hearing that.

In today's fast-paced world, many people experience high levels of stress, anxiety, and burnout. One effective way to manage these feelings is through mindfulness meditation, a practice that involves focusing on the present moment and accepting one's thoughts and feelings without judgment. In this post, we'll explore the science behind mindfulness meditation and its benefits for stress reduction, including how it can help regulate the body's stress response and improve overall mental and physical health. We'll also provide practical tips for incorporating mindfulness meditation into your daily routine and share resources to help you get started on your mindfulness journey. By the end of this post, you'll have a deeper understanding of mindfulness meditation and how it can help you live a more peaceful, stress-free life.

Introduction

Flawed might be the wrong word, Two Scouts, Two Soldiers, a Demo and a Medic works really well, it has a great blend of speed and power and uses the four most powerful classes in the game. What I mean by this is I think I found another team composition that if used by competent players could rival meta. First step is to figure out which classes should be switched out.

Planning

The medic is by far the most powerful class in the game with Uber being the most powerful ability, even if you took away Uber he would probably be a contender for competitive. The medic stays of course.
The demo is the most powerful power class having two Primary Weapons and a DPS that will make your eyes water. Demo-Man Of course stays as well.
I would say soldier is not as powerful as demo but he's a solid side grade. Better mobility and Better Health if not having a little less utility. Also stays.
Which brings us to our two Scouts. Scout is probably the fourth most powerful class in the game, I'm not arguing with that. He's the most dexterous of the classes being able to double jump and has the fastest running speed not to mention great DPS. I never said there was anything wrong with meta I just said that we could tweak it a little bit and the whole world won't come crashing down. Let's play around with ditching the scouts in favor of a gunslinger engineer and a pyro.

Engineer

On the surface Gunslinger engineer looks pretty similar to the scout. Worst Dodge and Rush potential but better at tanking hits with a similar but slightly less DPS, a downgrade for sure but comparable. If we throw the engineers buildings into the mix however we see a much different story. This composition is designed to counter meta and Scouts take up a large percentage of meta so the mini century will be doing wonderfully for bullying the scouts. Engineer will be taking the place of the flank Scout that accompanies the roamer so we will also have slightly more potential with defending the flank. The dispenser is also invaluable to this composition, not only can the dispenser heal the medic but the medic can also hide in the dispenser for dispenser armor. The one downside to picking engineer over Scout is speed, competitive 5 CP is a very fast-paced game mode and engineer has a problem with keeping up to the other classes but I don't think he's as terrible for pushing as you might think, you can slap down the mini and forget about it and at that point you're running with the same speed as the medic and demo, certainly doesn't have the same rush potential as a scout but I never said this composition was perfect, it's a side grade to meta not an upgrade. When defending last the engineer should switch the Gunslinger out for one of the other wrenches and ditch The Minis.

Pyro

The Pyro would take the place of the Scout that accompanies the combo, While engineer was there to counter the scouts and protect the medic, the Pyro is here to counter the soldier and demo while also protecting the medic. While it's true that you can throw off the air blast of pyros by changing your firing pattern and hesitating, I feel this is more of a skill issue that can be overcome with practice. Air Blast can become absolutely invaluable for defending the medic by throwing projectiles away and mitigating damage as well as stuffing Ubers (what pyro is already used for in competitive). Also there's a myth that pyro is too slow for 6v6, I completely disagree with this as the power jack exists (I am unaware if the power jack is banned in certain competitive leagues, if it is then it shouldn't be. Even if it is you're still running at the same speed as the demo and medic and they get along fine). With the Power Jack you are able to run at almost the same speed as a scout so you're really not losing all that much Rush potential the Pyro should not be used for this in this composition. Pyro should be used to punish overzealous Scouts looking to gun down the medic with afterburn and to defend the medic and the pocket with air blast. When defending last the Pyro should switch to heavy.

Conclusion

This composition is designed to have maximum medic defense as well as countering the current meta. Well it's quite obvious this composition has flaws in terms of its push potential, I think it can act as a viable side grade to meta. The Pyro replaces the combo Scout and acts as a bodyguard for the combo and the engineer shuts down the scouts, defends the flank and keeps the medic alive. Of course the team composition switches when defending last so in this case this composition should mimic meta with the heavy and engineer.

​

Synchronicity, Prolepsis, and the Kali Yuga

I've never been big on spiritual beliefs but one thing I do hold to is that there are no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason, Anna sells her soul and then this happens. It's no coincidence. and I often find some of the most inexplicable events happening to me. Such as finding my partner the very next day after this happened. Of all people.
I already said what's going to happen, I've always had a knack for telling the future. Although this is a bit different. Typically I try to keep things to myself. I don't believe in manifestation, but you can never be too careful about retrocausality. Even knowing how things will turn out doesn't change what I want to happen. It doesn't get rid of the hope that I can change things for a different outcome. But now I know the truth is fatalism. All the signs are there for me. I was born to do this.
Oikeosis is under attack. Appropriation of the human soul itself has been appropriated by multiconglomerate entities. Everything is so self interested nowadays that any semblance of 'good' has been lost. There is nothing good left in this world. Our society is deeply evil. Even the institutions that traditionally were right and virtuous have been spoiled. Education teaches us lies about people and about history. Charity is all around a source of embezzlement.
We rape the earth for her resources and still want more. The function of capitalism is infinite growth on a finite planet. An equation begging to rip itself apart. Alienation runs rampant, from our careers and relationships, law and money, down to where our food comes from and how our transportation works. I believe the bank of souls has ran dry and most people are born without souls. They do not think for themselves, they do not seek anything other than base animalistic desires. Anything that contests their pre-programmed worldview given to them by school and the media can't even be considered. This is why they are so easy to control. There is no place for eudaimonia in a world completely paved over with concrete, walked by people who never look up and say more than the automatic pleasantry to each other.
I can see the future, my life will amount to no more than a drop. In another reality maybe eventually we could gather an ocean from these drops. But the fires of Armageddon already rage on and drops just evaporate in the flames.

I'm Made of Cold Stone, Just Like Your Prison Walls

So how has life been? Everything is fucked, I'm ready to just blow my brains out. I'm just waiting for them to dare me and if they don't I can't keep this up much longer anyway.
Everyone wants to 'help me'. They don't want to help me. They want to say I'm the problem. Because they could never be, of course...
My psych just wants to sedate me. Doctor just wants to keep me locked up, but that would never last. Anger Management agrees with everything I say and suggests I just lie down and take it. No one is telling me I'm wrong. Then why can't anyone fix this.....
I knew since the beginning that I was just biding time. There was never any escape from this. And what would be the point in going on anyway. Even zooming out from my personal problems. This world is fucked. I don't want to be here. Public enemy #1, they can come kill me whenever they want. There's nothing left here for me except to take the walls down with me.

My biggest fan, now my biggest critic. I told you leaving it alone wouldn't help you any.

One worldview says: Coca-Cola is the product. I am the buyer. The grocery store is the seller. Another worldview says: The media is the seller. Coca-Cola is the buyer. I am the product.
It’s a vicious cycle. I think a lot about these things. I spent countless nights and days trying to figure everything out. Almost as if it’s my job. With everything that’s going on and all the variables that are involved, the World will continue on its path of destruction. No person, no group of people, no book, not even a documentary will stimulate any kind of action from the masses. I hate hearing people say that people need to “wake” up. Like seriously everybody knows what’s going on in the World. We might not know the exact details of their doings but it’s in our nature to be curious. Everybody knows what’s going on. We just can't do anything about it. The programming was successful. Their system is basically bulletproof. The pawns run the show and get the fame and blame but the real shot-callers remain hidden and unknown. The reason for this Global brain fart that the population of this world is that most people refuse to understand that this is a spiritual battle just as much as a physical one. They are scheming behind closed doors day and night trying to find different ways to enslave us further. At the same time, we run around like chickens trying to live without taking responsibility for the selfish and entertainment-oriented trajectory that the world is going in. BUY. CONSUME. OBEY. CONFORM.

Fuck The Police, but not like my cunt ex fiance does

I have no intention of ever letting a cop ever come within spitting distance of me again. I am fully ready to die. And as I said at one point. I've found the power to act even from the grave indefinitely anyways.
I'm playing by my own rules. Justice prevails or it dies trying. You don't get to make up wildly false one sided stories with absolutely no evidence and ruin my life without consequence.
I have half a mind to stop complying with this circus theatre they call a court and have them come at me. Honestly, it legit might not even be a choice because they've fucked me over so bad. I literally won't be able to do it.
I've never really wanted to kill myself. It's just the only escape. The freedom they can never take from me. I don't want to hurt people. I'm just acting in self defense, and cops aren't people. They gave up their humanity when they sold their soul to the state.

So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

I think this is finally it. She let me go, and now I can end it all without worrying about her.
All I have left in the world is material possessions. Mom brought all my stuff down from back home. I surmise that she knew she was in the wrong and had to make herself feel less guilty. I never really cared about stuff. I've lost so much stuff. I just wanted the people to stay... Now I gotta hastily figure out what I'm doing with this shit. It's not fair to leave it all with the roommates.
They've ruined my entire life, I don't even remember what happiness really felt like. Contentment. Hope for the future. I live in a constant state of paranoia, traumatized by what they've done to me, and unable to function even to keep myself together.
It's not just a breakup. I was handling the breakup just fine. It was when she came back assaulted me, played victim, and crushed me into the dust with the help of the state. Oh but I need to let it go. I need to forgive them. Why am I reacting so horribly?.. I hate you people. The reason Natasha is still on my shitlist 7 years later is that it still gets brought up. And it's not me who brings it up, and it's hindered my life. I'm reminded of it every time I see the scar on my eyebrow in the mirror... I bet it never gets brought up for her. Oh how easy it must be, that's why they needed to play the victim and not emotionally abusive cheating life ruiner. I bet they'll even pretend they're 'traumatized'. Ha, what a joke.
*shrug shoulders* "Yeah that must suck, I feel for you, system is corrupt, now pay another $100"
I could start ending them with the flip of switch and no one could honestly call it anything but justice.
Walk in and just ruin a relationship on the spot and label someone a criminal without any evidence. Nobody asked them to do that. They had to subpoena her into court. I could forgive those bitches if they hadn't shut me down as if this was all they ever wanted. But I could never forgive the piece of shit government and its negligent damage to my life. You might hear later what I had been pondering for them. 'Never forget' levels of damage to the country... I think just releasing that video could be enough to make them store that shit somewhere else. I just want to quit though. A year of prep is a year of suffering and we'll all be dust soon anyway.
And the other false accusations I've had to fight... Cops never arrested anyone for a crime against ME. Even when I lock myself in a room and call them I end up getting arrested. How bout that... How the fuck could I ever respect a badge after what I've been through? It's literally the flag of the enemy. Anna knew about all of it, that's why it was so easy for her.
My career is pretty much over, My life is permanently disabled, My psyche is perpetually fucked. And they just get to blame me, act like it's deserved, as if I made the first slight. This is rock bottom. I can't cry anymore, I don't even feel sad. The colour has come back to the world. That's why I know it's time for final goodbyes. Another day in the life and I can't take it anymore.
Love you all, take care of yourselves. Vids on the 1st.
Peace.

Attempt 4, 5, and Plan B

Going out quietly didn't work, I tried twice. The gas chamber just takes too long I guess. I ended up getting myself Baker acted. The same cop who started all of this is the one who brought me to the hospital. I know where to find him...
I never told anyone about Attempt 1 and 3. The problem with all this is wanting to go out peacefully. I've already experienced so much pain and suffering and mental torment... I can handle whatever it takes for this to be over. And yes Anna, 3 happened when you were playing with me early on.
I truly have nothing left. I'm going to make sure I die this time.
You can only kick a dog so many times before it bites back. I never wanted any of this I wish things could go back to being good. I miss happy... having future plans. I just want to stop suffering and make sure this never happens again. Why is it so hard to just go quietly? Why can't I just have a normal life?
Even the Doctor agreed with everything I said. The same Doc from my accidental OD a month ago. Medication won't help this. Therapy won't help this. Keeping me locked up was only making it worse. I'm just fucked. Rock bottom.
My dreams have become less traumatic and feel more like my life flashing before my eyes. Everyone is there, reliving the good moments, bad moments. I've been sleeping more than I've been awake the last week and I'm still tired. Just sitting in Hell's waiting room.

Half God, Half Devil

When you do monstrous things to a person, you turn them into a monster. Studies have confirmed this on various levels. People who suffer child abuse and sexual abuse are more likely to end up abusers themselves. Most of the people who have done terrible things aren't just crazy. In fact some of the biggest most memorable events are not the work of some common psychopath, but of highly intelligent people pushed too far.
I feel like I'm out of a loop. Is she still trying to minimize things for me I wonder. I would repay the favor if I knew. I think my report speaks for itself. Perhaps I'm gaining some notoriety here. Make a Deputy stop dead in his tracks. Make an officer say he doesn't want to escalate things, just clearing the park. I don't even need to act 'belligerent'. Cool and collected is more concerning. Maybe they know being in spitting distance there's a chance they will get spit on. Remember, I'm not the one knocking on YOUR door.
I don't think there's any saving me. I don't deserve this life they've left me. I know something here has got to give.
I miss being able to call myself a good person. Giving strangers rides, taking people in, doing altruistic deeds... Caring about the environment, caring about the struggle, and warring evil with reason... I miss family, and love that would go to the ends of the earth... Being a intellectual, being a potential mover for society...
But this is all I'm left with. A blog on reddit. And being a twitch away from death.

I Hate This

I suppose I should write an update about how things are going.
Nothing has been deleted really. I've backed up everything to several different places and given access to someone I trust. I haven't actually posted any of that. I was in the hospital at the time. I really thought she would send the kill squad for that for a while.
Anna may not know it but she got her white women trial against me. "Did you threaten a government building?" Result... nothing significant. Btw the answer is no, I had planned to gas myself.
I have the desire to die and haven't been able to do it. I guess at a certain level I've been antagonizing the man to come get me, make it easy. But they still haven't come and my condition has continued to deteriorate.
I know she'll never sit down with me like Natasha did. And my mom can't go 2 seconds without accusing me and shrugging off responsibility. All my backup resources and all my support, gone in a flash. Never to return. I am truly alone besides my psychopathic friend I've come to rely on.
I've been in some shit situations and this is still the worst experience I've ever had. And it just doesn't end. They left me here, and they'll blame me for the consequences.
I know I can make the man kill me. Twice I've been a twitch away from death. And twice I've had everything ready to exit the car and enter the building. They keep tabs on me. I keep a list of where the judge lives, the prosecutor, the cops, and her... Ah but see it's 'crazy' when I do it. It's 'crazy' to find out where your enemies sleep when they harass you with the knowledge they have about you. It's not crazy for them to stalk me in the cul-de-sac... Stalk me at work... I've actually seen her a couple times. I've seen my dog too... I miss Cleo. The dog hairs are still everywhere...
I guess I'm still holding onto some hope that things could get better. But logically I know there is no fixing this. It just gets worse. It only gets worse...
Either I hold out for something big. Or settle for what's already certain. Or maybe something will come save me... Wishful thinking I'm sure.
Maybe I can just shoot myself. I don't want this. and I don't want to die. But those are the only two options.
I often find myself thinking about things... I think I've relived my whole life in the last several months. I miss the freedom I had as a kid. I miss the love I felt as a teenager. The drive I had gained after my attempt. I miss the progress I had made on my career and mental health before this happened...
Now, as I said, all that makes me get out of bed and not go postal yet is pure spite and the knowledge that I can do so much more damage if I hold out just one more day, week, month, year... It's been holding true so far. I would scare my past self, and he's no softie.
When does this end. When do I get to return to normal? Never? Fine... They can only blame themselves.
I know they'll never hold her accountable for what she did. But at least I can stop taking the punishment for things I never did. And send a message while I'm at it...
"I don't want to talk to you right now" Just like her to say that and then never talk to me again... Don't want to talk to me because she lead me on and used me like a stepping stone before turning around and crushing everything I had going...
It never leaves my mind. The state is my enemy. And I have no other choices left.

tw mention of wanting to commit su!c!de pls note this is not a hate note to/about christians, im just very concerned and confused for my friend
ok so me and one of my closest online friends, we'll name them emma, have been friends for about 2 years (2020 - 2022) we were always very close, we called almost every day talking about almost anything. we'd go from talking about hobbies to family to a lot of deep personal convos and it was always fine. some specific things we'd talk about were mental health and as one of emma's closest friends, i'd always listen to their life and how badly they wanted to end it. ofc as their friend, i wanted more than anything to help and the best i did was talk to them whenever.
however, their family had always been very strict and wanted to keep emma away from "bad influences". they were a strict christian family, but emma was a non-binary, using (he/they) pronouns and was aroace. we'd always talk about how their family wouldn't accept if they were part of the community and thought there was something wrong with LGBTQ+. they had never come out or said anything to their family, but i think their family may have sorta found out cuz one day they just disappeared. offline on everything. instagram, snapchat, discord, literally any messaging platform you could think of (i didnt have his number). our last message to each other was in november 2022 and after that, there was nothing. it was lowkey scary cuz this had never happened before. the most we'd go was about 3 days without texting so obv it was odd. i asked my other online friends, lets name them greg and kaden, whether they knew where emma had gone and they had no idea either. the 4 of us were very close friends so when this happened we all sorta freaked out thinking something had happened. esp since we all knew his long history with mental health.
fast forward to now, march 2023, greg, kaden, and i all were talking and the topic of emma came up. greg had emma's number so he gave it to me and i called it, went straight to voicemail. i left a voicemail about how we were all confused where they had gone and missed talking to them and hoped they were ok. about an hour later we get a response on instagram from a group chat created by emma explaining why they left and just everything that had happened. they said they left cuz "God" sent them signs about how bad they were, how "hard/sinful/bad" they were back in 2020 - 2022, when they were involved with LGBTQ+. their exact words about it were "it’s not okay as a Christian to be doing something that God has said is wrong". this shocked greg, kaden, and i a lot cuz this was nothing like the emma we knew just 5 months prior. we're convinced emma has been brainwashed, especially since their family were such avid believers of God.
for some background info, around early august 2022, emma got really sick from a trip to mexico and never got better. after they got sick, they hadnt been themselves as much. they said they left instagram and everything to focus on God because they felt the sickness was a sign from God and it was to help them stay on track. obv now emma's doing much better with the sickness but in the text they sent, they said "I believe God sent that sickness to me to put me back on track, to make me realize I don’t got it, I never did, and that I was on the completely wrong track. But I was very off track with what was right and what God wants for me. All the videos, horrible stuff I would watch, things I would joke about, say, do, advocate for. Not okay." greg, kaden, and i are all perplexed as to what could've happened just in the 5 months emma had been gone for. it's possible their parents sent them to some sort of christian camp cuz they thought emma was not "christian material". we're convinced something bad happened but we don't know what exactly happened.
pls respond asap about what you think of this and whether this is normal or not.

representation is obscenity
by rendering the true wor(l)d in any way you are performing something that is in some way foul, for
if you are accurate your truth shall not set you free, only
bind you to the consequences of garbled understandings of what emerged from your attempt to speak
and
if you are inaccurate then the rage is justified, for writing inaccuracies is close to lying
in this age there was the becoming of a religion formed in streaming studios as they struggled seriously with the education of the next generation. what will emerge from a generation of spellcasters who were taught serious demonlore as a result (white hat work I think, as key in the instruction was banishing them if you paid attention. If you don't know what I'm talking about, don't worry about it and move on.)
the becoming of a religion: any attempt to instrument a moral practice, as in: teaching the next generation some magic within an appropriately and tastefully politically correct teenage world. I am for brainwashing children with politically correct messaging generally, but it's important to know when it's propaganda, and I won't go so far as to echo TLP ("if you're watching, it's for you") but you know how if you put a flag in something that makes it patriotic and therefore de facto jingoistic? Not everything is propaganda, that's a lie propagated by Big Intellect.
but my deeper point is that when the left punishes any depiction of any reality on a moral principle, something has gone wrong and there needs to be a little bit calming down on harassing authors because of online conversations about imaginary worlds. Every time someone says "they're casting for diversity points" I swear to God I'm like "you're the reason they do it you know, they are trying to trigger you and who the fuck cares about popular culture?"
Pop culture: enjoy it when it's good, ignore it when it's not. I pray to God that our cultural legacy isn't the goddamn Marvel movies. Fucking spell out our pantheon right there. (When the church sent out the ban on magic, the occult went underground, and with growing secularization of the United States a whole generation and then their progeny (and now, their progeny's progeny) was raised into a far more spiritual world than has been seen since fucking ever.
When are we going to talk about the fact that Magic is real?
Never. This is a crazy person rambling to sorcerers.
It's not that Magic isn't real, it's that there's not a lot you can do with it. Learn some Techniques, apply them. Stay alive.
It's better not to talk about it.
Those who punish artists for depicting a broken reality ought to be shut down. But who can blame them? I don't know how much pure art I can take anymore. I used to want to be shocked and twisted. Now it just prompts sad reflections on a world destined to some sad fate I don't know I care to watch. If we're lucky we'll make it to ground before any firefight. If not, well, it's been a nice life.

The 2023 Alberta election is just around the corner, and it's shaping up to be a pivotal moment for the province. With the United Conservative Party (UCP) and the New Democratic Party (NDP) vying for control, this election will determine the direction Alberta takes for the next four years. As the incumbent government, the UCP's accomplishments and scandals are under close scrutiny, while the NDP seeks to remind voters of their track record and policy differences. This post, will delve into the intricacies of this election cycle, explore the key issues, and examine how voter sentiment may sway the outcome of this highly anticipated election.
Danielle Smith, the UCP leader, has been leading a government facing multiple scandals, which have eroded public trust in her party. Alohagate, for instance, saw UCP MLAs and staffers taking mid-pandemic vacations while the public was urged to stay at home. Additionally, concerns about the handling of education and healthcare policies have put the UCP on the defensive. However, Smith has sought to shift the focus to her party's economic accomplishments, emphasizing the importance of Alberta's energy sector and job creation in the province. As the election approaches, the question remains: Will the UCP's economic track record be enough to outweigh the damage caused by the scandals and policy controversies?
On the other hand, Rachel Notley's NDP has been steadily gaining ground by focusing on their previous accomplishments during their tenure in government. Notley's platform highlights her party's investment in infrastructure, support for renewable energy, and improvements to the healthcare system. Moreover, the NDP has been successful in contrasting their approach to governance with the scandal-plagued UCP, presenting themselves as a stable and responsible alternative. As the campaign heats up, Notley's strategy to emphasize the positives of her party's past performance, combined with a clear vision for Alberta's future, could potentially resonate with voters seeking change.
However, the UCP is not taking these challenges lying down. Danielle Smith's party has been actively trying to regain public trust by addressing the scandals and presenting a comprehensive platform focused on economic growth and job creation. With promises to reduce taxes, streamline regulations, and create a more business-friendly environment, the UCP aims to position itself as the champion of Alberta's economic recovery. As election day approaches, the UCP's effort to win back support by showcasing their commitment to economic prosperity may be enough to sway undecided voters who prioritize these issues above all else.
On the other side of the political spectrum, Rachel Notley's NDP has been highlighting their track record and emphasizing their accomplishments during their time in government. The NDP's progressive policies, including the increased support for healthcare, education, and social programs, have resonated with many Albertans. They have also demonstrated a commitment to environmental responsibility while pursuing resource development in the province. As a result, the NDP has successfully carved out a reputation as a balanced and forward-looking party, focusing on the well-being of all Albertans and the sustainable development of the province.
However, the NDP has faced its share of controversies as well, with critics accusing the party of mishandling certain issues and implementing unpopular policies. Some argue that the NDP's approach to resource development has been too cautious, hindering the growth of Alberta's economy. Furthermore, the party has been criticized for its communication strategy, which some feel has not adequately addressed the concerns and priorities of the electorate. Despite these criticisms, the NDP has remained steadfast in its commitment to progressive policies and the betterment of Alberta's citizens, hoping that their record will speak for itself come election day.
As the election approaches, voters must weigh the scandals and controversies associated with the UCP against the accomplishments and criticisms of the NDP. Public opinion remains divided, and both parties are actively campaigning to win over undecided voters. In these final days before the election, political analysts and the public alike are keeping a close eye on polling data and campaign strategies, as they try to predict which party will ultimately emerge victorious. Will it be the UCP, with their strong focus on fiscal responsibility and resource development, or the NDP, whose progressive policies have brought about significant change in Alberta?
The 2023 Alberta election is shaping up to be a highly contested battle between the UCP and the NDP. With the province's future hanging in the balance, voters must carefully consider the achievements and controversies associated with each party before casting their ballots. Regardless of the outcome, one thing is certain: the results of this election will have a lasting impact on Alberta's political landscape and its citizens for years to come. As the province moves forward, it is crucial for Albertans to stay informed and engaged in the political process, ensuring that their voices are heard and their interests represented in the government.
United Conservative Party (UCP) Achievements:

1. Economic growth: The UCP has worked to stimulate the economy, reducing red tape for businesses and attracting investment to the province.
2. Job creation: The party has focused on creating jobs, especially in the oil and gas sector, to address unemployment concerns in Alberta.
3. Education reform: The UCP has implemented a new curriculum and increased funding for school infrastructure projects.
4. Healthcare improvements: The party has expanded access to healthcare services and increased funding for mental health initiatives.
5. Fiscal responsibility: The UCP has committed to balancing the budget and reducing the provincial deficit.

New Democratic Party (NDP) Achievements:

1. Progressive taxation: The NDP implemented a progressive tax system, replacing the flat tax, which has been praised for promoting income equality.
2. Climate leadership plan: The party introduced a comprehensive climate plan, including a carbon tax, to reduce greenhouse gas emissions.
3. Diversification of the economy: The NDP worked to diversify Alberta's economy, promoting renewable energy and supporting small businesses.
4. Infrastructure investment: The party invested heavily in infrastructure projects, creating jobs and improving the province's transportation systems.
5. Labor legislation: The NDP introduced legislation to protect workers' rights, including increasing the minimum wage and implementing workplace safety standards.

United Conservative Party (UCP) Failures:

1. Alohagate scandal: Several UCP MLAs and staffers were caught taking vacations during the pandemic, leading to public outrage.
2. COVID-19 response: Critics argue that the UCP's handling of the pandemic was slow and inefficient, leading to high infection rates and deaths.
3. Environmental policy: The UCP has faced criticism for rolling back environmental protections and not adequately addressing climate change.
4. Education controversies: The new curriculum has been met with criticism for its content and the lack of consultation with educators.
5. Healthcare system strain: Despite increased funding, some argue that the healthcare system is still strained and needs further investment.

New Democratic Party (NDP) Failures:

1. Public dissatisfaction with carbon tax: Many Albertans opposed the carbon tax, viewing it as an unnecessary burden on families and businesses.
2. Pipeline controversies: The NDP faced criticism for its handling of pipeline projects, which some argued was too slow and indecisive.
3. Fiscal management: Critics argue that the NDP's spending on social programs and infrastructure projects led to increased provincial debt.
4. Bill 6 controversy: The NDP's Bill 6 faced backlash from the agricultural community, who felt the legislation was poorly communicated and implemented.
5. Struggling oil and gas sector: Some argue that the NDP did not do enough to support the oil and gas industry during their time in government, leading to job losses and economic struggles.

As the 2023 Alberta election draws near, the political landscape in the province is heating up. The United Conservative Party (UCP) and the New Democratic Party (NDP) are battling for control, each touting their track record and vision for the future of the province. With so much at stake, this election is more than just a contest between two parties. It's a pivotal moment that will determine the direction Alberta takes for the next four years and beyond. As the campaign intensifies, both parties are pulling out all the stops to win over voters and secure their position as the leading voice in Alberta politics. It's a high-stakes game with no clear winner, and only time will tell which party emerges victorious.

Kind of a long story and I’m sorry in advance as I’m not very good at writing out my thoughts. I’ve had very bad relationships in the past, my most recent (I say recent but it was more than a year ago) long term relationship being one of the worst. His reason for breaking up with me was because I didn’t exercise enough and we don’t have enough in common (he was really big on going to the gym and working out everyday). Before breaking up, he said let’s work on ourselves for a month or two and see what happens, With him, we talked a lot about living together and marriage so the break up, and his gaslighting and cheating (which happened during the one-two months), really affected me a lot mentally that I had to go into therapy and start medication too.
Skip to last October when I met my current bf. Due to my past relationship, I’m usually very weary whenever I start a new one but he has been one of the most respectful boyfriends i’ve ever had and we’re very open when it comes to communicating our feelings. We have talked about marriage often and our thoughts on marriage and family are very similar. I am currently working in Korea and my bf is Korean. Throughout our relationship, he has been encouraging to study Korean so that I can live more comfortably in Korea and also exercise as he is also into working out and he is worried that I get sick often ( i’ve recently gained a lot of weight from stress from work which has affected my health). I have been doing these two things often but sometimes I do not want to study or workout after having a stressful day at work. I have told him this too which he has understood. However, this past weekend, he suddenly started acting distant and last night he came round to my place and said that he’s been thinking a lot about our relationship and he thinks we’re too different and does not see me as a future spouse anymore (but during the previous week he did and told me he loved me a lot). I asked in what way and he said he wants things to be done quickly and doesn’t understand why I cannot, for example, lose weight or learn Korean more quickly. For me, I am willing to change for the better but I see change as a slow progress and it is not like I am not trying. He says that is the difference and thinks we do not match well because of that but I don’t think this is a big enough reason to break up over. I asked him to give us a chance and he said let’s try for one month. So I promised him that I would study more and try harder to lose weight. He feels bad because he feels he is forcing me to do this but I said I’m willing to change for the better so it’s not really force.
However, I am getting depressed about this situation the more I think about it. It feels very similar to the last long term relationship that I mentioned above and I’m afraid of what’s going to happen after one month. I can already feel my depressive symptoms coming back, such as lack of appetite, etc
I’m not really sure what kinds of replies I’m looking for to be honest but any advice/comments are appreciated.