In August of last year ,I cheated on my wife when she was pregnant and showed up drunk at the hospital with my mistress. After the wife almost died after having our baby. She left me in November and is engaged to the nerdy guy from work. she looks better than she ever did with me.
I tried to win more wife back but she decided on a no contact divorce and looks at me like a ghost hen s e each other. I am not allowed to see my kids anymore because of an incident that happened when I got slightly drunk and extremely high. I punched her fiance in the face because he was being a sarcastic asshole. I accidentally and broke his nose. My dad's a judge so he got me out of it. He always does but said this is the last time. My mom is no longer speaking to me. I am not even sure if the baby is mine he has red hair like her fiance. We both have black curly hair. But her horrible sister has reddish hair. I made my wife DNA both kids.The DNA test said they are mine but DNA tests can be wrong right? I am thinking of marrying my mistress who I can't stand except when we have sex because she has something really bad on me. She can't cook at all.our apartment smells like ass. She has 13 cats? I hate cats. I could get 25 years if the police find out what I did. but she is a total psycho ever since she found out I don't love her and I told her she shouldn't meet her soon sh had as a teenager. I am cheating on my crazy mistress with an 18 year old stripper who is pregnant with my baby. She's a great cook and decorator like my soon to be ex wife. She isn't very smart. But waits on me hand and foot. I am thinking of eloping with her and just starting over. She doesn't really want to have the baby.

Hello!
For the past few months I have been endlessly stressing about my future career, and it's making me lose sleep.
For context, I was a decent high school student. I was a honor roll kid the entire time, my plan was to get into a political science program and get into law school. During my senior year, I fell into a string of at home and mental health issues, which greatly impacted my school performance. I was fairly decent at mathematics, but I absolutely tanked my math diploma that year (32%). I was trying to balance school, part-time work, a breakup, and an overly chaotic home. I don't have much of a support system, so it was very hard to go through it all alone. At this point in time I dreaded the thought of going to school. I stopped hanging out with people, stopped applying myself in my studies, and all I wanted to do was stay home and lie in bed. Luckily (for me at the time) Covid hit, and I was given a break from school (around March 2020). During this time I got an offer from one of my friends to work at a restaurant he was employed at, the allure of $50 a week in tips as a dishwasher greatly enticed me in comparison to my mundane grocery store job.
I come from a hardworking low-income immigrant family, and this new job gave me the ability to apply the work ethic they taught me. During this time I never felt more driven to improve myself and become better. I wanted to learn more than ever. I put my head down and worked hard. It was so exhilarating to learn something new, and have the ability to be rewarded for hard work. It was at this time that I decided that I was going to take a gap year before returning to school. I enrolled in a political science program, but I burnt out quickly. I was trying to balance working and studying full-time. I had to choose which of the two I wanted to prioritize. I chose work. I wanted to see where it would take me, I couldn't just cut it short. When I dropped out of school, I told my parents I didn't want to go back to school and that I wanted to make use of what I already had in the restaurant industry. I had moved up the ladder and became a member of the management team. I wanted to become a regional chef (corporate kitchen). In my eyes, why go to school for x amount of years when I could just apply myself at this career for the same amount of time and I'd be somewhere similar in pay. I also knew about the stress that accompanied the legal profession. My parents did not take this decision kindly, and I impulsively moved out because I was sick of the arguing.
I lived in an apartment by myself for around a year, but something hit me one evening. My apartment was a shitty 400sq ft 1bdrm. Terrible building, and loud ass neighbors, got metal poisoning and was losing hair from the water. Right outside my balcony, there was this set of new apartment buildings. Insanely fucking tall, and just staring at me every time I looked out the window. I thought to myself, what do I have to do to afford a place like that? I knew that if I continued down my kitchen career it would take me a long time to even afford the rent, much less have a sustainable life in it. I also started to hate my job at this point. I was working 12+ hours a day. Hated some of the other management. Had no real work-life balance. Didn't have a lot of friends. No time for a girlfriend. Was extremely tight on funds, and budgeted every penny (salary pay). Stressed the fuck out. I just worked and came home to play league of legends on my off time. Down the line, I couldn't comfortably support a family if I wanted to. The career I wanted in this industry didn’t pay as well as I thought and I just ended up hating working in a kitchen, and I didn’t want to settle there and knew that I could do better.
Because of this, I knew I had to find a way out. I tried coding (was interesting but it is a lot of math), tried to apply to a business/finance program (forgot I sucked at math), and eventually found myself applying for the same thing I dropped out of school for. Ironic right? At this point, I felt like it was my only option. I sucked at math so all of the quantitative options were out the window. I enjoyed social studies and writing essays in high school so it was fair to say that it was the best option in this scenario. I eventually moved back home with my parents. I knew it was selfish for me to move out. My mother asked me for money to help them out, and I knew I couldn't do that with my chef salary. I also hated my apartment; having no girlfriend gave me no reason to have my own place.
I started school in the fall of last year and I have mixed feelings about it. I was out of school for 2 years, and the adjustment was difficult. I thoroughly enjoyed my political science courses, but hate everything else. A's in my poli classes, B's in everything else.
I'm nearing the end of my second semester, and I'm having doubts about law school.

1. I know the GPA is competitive, and I have anxiety that I am not going to have the desired average. All of these courses outside of my degree stream are killing me, and are hurting my GPA. I know I'm taking a full course load while working part-time, and it is a factor in my dedication to school. In my future semesters, I'm going to drop a course or two to better balance my life and hopefully improve my grades (around a 3.3 currently).
2. I'm old(er). Currently, I'm 20 (turning 21 next week), and am expected to graduate with my bachelor's at 25. Add law school I'd be 28. I'd be a little later into my career field than my peers, and if I wanted to take a year off to travel (life-long dream) then I'd be more behind.
3. Is law school and the career actually worth it? To be honest, I like money, prestige, and wearing nice clothes. I never had any of those things growing up. I shot myself in the foot by nearly failing math, and it seems like law is my only route to success. However, I keep reading more and more about the practice itself and it is never what media or tv shows make it out to be. High stress, poor work-life balance, and mediocre pay. Because of these things, it makes me have doubts about whether or not it would be worth it in the end. Paying close to $100k for a career field I might transition out of down the line does not seem to make the most sense.
4. Expensive. I pay for school out of pocket with no help from my parents. If I were to go to law school, I’d have to take out a FAT loan to support myself. I don't want to be handcuffed to a mountain of debt to a career I might not possibly like
5. I don't have a natural affinity for law. The idea of being a lawyer mostly came from my parents. Reading articles/posts on not going into law if you aren't extremely passionate about it is off-putting.

General idea of my possible career fields:
Law
- Try and get a high GPA and LSAT score to get into a law school, preferably UBC, York, or McGill (I am in Canada). Survive the stress, and really have an understanding if the career is 100% for me.
- It would be cool to tell people that I am a lawyer, would also make my parents proud
Business
- I know the political science bachelor's is somewhat useless on its own, so I'd have to have some graduate degree to compete. Possibly get a masters in political science or public policy. Unsure of what I'd be able to do though.
- Maybe get an MBA if I am able to get into a company with my bachelor's.
- Because of my restaurant background I have a good amount of management experience. I am confident in business and people management, as well as customer service.
- I could also get a tutor and attempt to get into a commerce program, it would be hard work as I’d have to relearn everything that I forgot about.
Government
- Try and land a government job either with my bachelor's or go to grad school before I apply. If I go this route I'd want to travel the world and be a diplomat. But I do know that the pay is not as high, and is instead compensated by work-life balance and benefits.
Go back to the restaurant industry
- Probably my plan if all else fails. From this route, I'd try and work at a restaurant adjacent company/start my own. I know the restaurant business has ridiculously tight margins, and I'd rather be servicing restaurants in some sort of way rather than working in one. Maybe something with supply chains or restaurant management technology.
I want something that can be fulfilling of some sort. I love communicating with team members or clients, and I want to use my expertise to help people in a way. I want a life outside of work, I don’t want to just live my life without setting aside time for things outside of my career. No one on their deathbed wished they worked more. I want to travel and see the world. My father did when he was in his 20s and until now I have not left the country and I’m itching to get out. But I do want stability and a sustainable income. My family has struggled all of my life, and I don’t want to endure that any longer. I know that these aspects are a big ask because it takes a lot to make a lot. Sacrifice is needed to be successful. I just have trouble envisioning balance. What should I do?
I know I've rambled on and on but I've been overthinking for too long to not get at least some advice. Thank you for reading, and have a wonderful day.

Their Blood On Her Hands Prologue
Narrator: Olivia is a damaged Soldier who has seen a lot of death and destruction in her life since the today she was born losing everyone she cares about her parents, classmates, and even soldiers and officers in the US Army their blood was always on her hands in her mind she could never wipe their blood off her hands she tried to save everyone she can and sacrifice her life for her country but it is never enough people still die around civilians to friends but she will find peace someday.
Olivia’s Narrator: My name is Chief Warrant 4 Olivia Black I am a US Army Special Forces Operator for the US Army Rangers” 1st Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, 1st Platoon(Death March)” this is my third tour of duty second tour was in Afghanistan for the War in Afghanistan while my first tour of duty was in Iraq for the Iraq War and my third of duty is like my second tour but different because I am a Ranger now not a regular soldier on a patrol make sure our territory is safe and fighting battle to keep the locals our soldier boys and girls safe I joined the US Army on January 1st 2001 eight months before 9/11 happened but I graduated from US Army boot camp in January 1st 2002 and it's been a year since 9/11 happened I shipped out on both of my deployments with the 1st Infantry Division at that time my one tour of duty lasted for March 20, 2003 to March 20, 2007 in the Iraq war while my two tour of duty for March 20, 2007 to March 20, 2011 lasted as a regular soldier in Iraq and Afghanistan My commanding officer sent to Ranger School for selection in March 10th 2007 and on March 10th 2008 I graduated from Ranger School I signed up for my third tour of duty Me and other Rangers was assigned for a black project called Operation Desert Lily on May 25, 2011 this operation is simple as is find the terrorist leader and interrogation the target for whereabouts and location of the military journalist and his unit that are assigned to him and the nuclear bombs is then wait for farther orders the target is Sergeant Amir Hakeem disgraced Syrian Army Sergeant turned terrorist leader he kidnapped journalist named John Vernon and some of my old unit from 1st Infantry Division on the day of his kidnapping while the nuclear warheads is somewhere in Afghanistan we just have ask him there is no such thing of a milk run.
Unknown Officer: Hey Livie you ready for briefing you got two mike.
Olivia: Sir I will be ready sir.
Unknown Officer: Viking, Delmonte, Bullseye, Flash, Pretty boy, Patriot, Hellhound, Scratch, Flex, Blackjack, Pokerface, Ghost, Grizzly, Shark, Jayhawk, Coldcase, Ironballs, Heretic, Vader, Death dealer, Killer Kyle, Ace of spades, Dash, Junior, Nobody, Mustang, Banjo, Patience, Justice, Teacher, Rabbit, Clover, Ace, Fearless, Blaze, Jackpot, and Buck double time in the briefing room move, move, move!
Viking, Delmonte, Bullseye, Flash, Pretty boy, Patriot, Hellhound, Scratch, Flex, Blackjack, Pokerface, Ghost, Grizzly, Shark, Jayhawk, Coldcase, Ironballs, Heretic, Vader, Death dealer, Killer Kyle, Ace of spades, Dash, Junior, Nobody, Mustang, Banjo, Patience, Justice, Teacher, Rabbit, Clover, Ace, Fearless, Blaze, Jackpot, and Buck: Yes sir.
Unknown Officer: Come on Shadow double move, move!
Olivia: Yes sir.
Unknown Officer: Operation Desert Lily is a black project and a rescue mission in Afghanistan the target is Sergeant Amir Hakeem and he knows the whereabouts of the nuclear warheads, John Vernon and Shadow’s old unit from the 1st Infantry Division find and interrogate him to get the locations of nuclear bombs, Vernon and the unit who was assigned to Vernon go to the location get the nuclear bombs, Vernon and 1st Infantry Division unit then go to the exfiltrate point and exfiltrate from the hot zone lastly get back to the HQ anyone has any questions,
Viking, Delmonte, Bullseye, Flash, Pretty boy, Patriot, Hellhound, Scratch, Flex, Blackjack, Pokerface, Ghost, Grizzly, Shark, Jayhawk, Coldcase, Ironballs, Heretic, Vader, Death dealer, Killer Kyle, Ace of spades, Dash, Junior, Nobody, Mustang, Banjo, Patience, Justice, Teacher, Rabbit, Clover, Ace, Fearless, Blaze, Jackpot, Olivia and Buck: No sir.
Unknown Officer: You got your orders guys and gals get geared up then get into the MH-47 Chinooks and UH-60 Black Hawks.
Viking, Delmonte, Bullseye, Flash, Pretty boy, Patriot, Hellhound, Scratch, Flex, Blackjack, Pokerface, Ghost, Grizzly, Shark, Jayhawk, Coldcase, Ironballs, Heretic, Vader, Death dealer, Killer Kyle, Ace of spades, Dash, Junior, Nobody, Mustang, Banjo, Patience, Justice, Teacher, Rabbit, Clover, Ace, Fearless, Blaze, Jackpot, Olivia, and Buck: No sir.
Unknown Officer: Hey Shadow comes with me to my office.
Junior: Dark Shadow is in trouble.
Olivia: Shut up Candy***.
Olivia’s Narrator: Candy*** I think that I am in trouble but he is wrong. Captain David Gray had been flirting and teasing one another since after I graduated from Ranger school I cared about Dave but I don’t want to lose him like Trent, my ex-boyfriend from my highschool.
Captain Gray: Livie, how are you doing? Olivia: I am doing great Dave.
Captain Gray: Sergeant Black is doing great have the other rangers been treating you well?
Olivia: Everyone is treating me well except for Swampy she is been a pain in the *** Dave.
Captain: But why?
Olivia: She thinks that I am going to get everyone killed and the sole survivor is going to me but she is wrong and I am going to prove her wrong.
Unknown Platoon Leader: Let’s go Dark Shadow double time move!
Olivia: Time to go Dave I will be seeing you later.
Captain Gray: See you too I love you Livie.
Olivia: I love you too Dave.
Olivia’s Narrator: We got in the birds to the location near the target everyone was talking about the mission, terrorists, and the target then they started talking about home, friends, families, and the real-life that got me thinking about my family, friends, and my past everyone thinks that I am a shadow or a curse even my father thought that too after my mother died from giving birth to me then three years later when I was two years old my dad was killed in a car crash by a drunk driver who drove in the wrong lane and hit my dad head on which killed my dad instantly I was brought to the orphanage I was adopted by my adopted parents one year after my dad’s death sadly two years later when I was five years old my adopted mom was killed by a bank robber after she got called by the police dispatcher she drove to the scene but was shot and killed by the masked bank robber and two years later when I was seven years old my adopted dad was killed in a shootout with a local gang meaning that I was going be a orphan again I was sent orphanage I was adopted by abusive parents when I was ten years old then when I was seventeen running from home with some of their money I met man who help me rent a apartment with their stolen rent money I graduated from high school after that I joined the army the rest is history but like I always said there is no such thing of a milk run.

Followed for a while but I don’t interact much so IG stories are far down my list. Today I got thru enough that hers came up.
The story was about how she bought a new side table but she decided that she hated it once she set it up, so she bought another new one. She was taking the first one apart in the story. She went on to say that she got a new tv stand too. She also didn’t like it, so she got a seco d one to replace it. Surprise surprise, she didn’t like the replacement either, so she ordered a third one that she’s SURE she’ll love. Someone please send me a reminder when she’s posting a promo link for a fourth tv stand in a month or two.
Why do influencers even feel a need to mention these things at all? It comes off as totally unrelatable. I can’t be the only one that puts enough thought into spending money on furniture that I make sure I feel good about it before the purchase.
Even if I made an impulse furniture buy and I didn’t like it once it arrived, I’d likely just have to deal. What I wouldn’t do? Publicly brag about how I have the disposable income, thanks to my social media “job,” OF views and ad clicks, to go through purchasing 5 furniture items and disposing of them on whims while laughing like it’s funny. Wasn’t that long ago she was working at a Pandora and living with her parents, but it seems that times have changed and now she has a big annoying attitude to go along with her new lux apartment. She went from relatable to a walking stereotype in a matter of months.
So this is goodbye, zozoroe. It was (mostly) fun while it lasted.

I (f34) hate my boyfriend (m32) of 3 years what to do? The reason I hate him is because he's unreliable at home.
In the last year I finalized divorce, my mother passed away, I made a renovation, I moved from one apartment to another and I got a new job. I've also been preparing to build a house spending the whole year and countless hours learning about the technical aspects and going through endless beaurocratic procedures since I need to hire different subcontractors. I'm extremely overwhelmed and overworked.
Now, we live in my apartment, go to places in my car with me as a driver, I'm building the house with mostly my money, I have been working more hours than my boyfriend (around 10 a day), he doesn't drive, he doesn't speak the language here. I'm doing all the planning, scheduling, organizing, learning, dealing with people, going to places etc.
He walks the dogs, takes trash out, pays the utilities.
Sometimes I ask him to help me with a little thing and 60% of the time he forgets, or decides to not do it.
We talked about this million times he always feels justified. "Well I don't drive", "It's not a big deal", "You're exaggerating", "it's gonna be your house not mine, "You yell at me so I'm not gonna care" "But I succeded at this so why I can't fail at that".
I talk about my feelings a lot it doesn't do shit. I feel like a man at worst and mommy at best living with a teenage son. I don't feel like I have a man.
Other than that he's a loving, sweet person, BTW he's very organized and hardworking at his work. I asked him about this discrepancy he said "well I'm not gonna also have to work at home". I guess mommy will then take care of everything related to our household herself and also work two jobs.
Anyway I hate him, everyday I wake up feeling more hateful towards him. What can I do?

I live across the planet from my family, but keep in regular contact with my parents. My brother and I haven’t been particularly close as adults, but get along well and have a partially shared friends group. My brother has been with the same girl for 7 years, they own a house together.
Last year, my brother's ‘girlfriend’ published an article where she referred to my brother as her husband. I was confused and asked my parents about it, as I thought maybe they’d gotten married and not told me to spare me, as at the time it wasn’t possible to return to my home country due to COVID. They told me they didn’t know anything about that, and that it was likely to make things simpler for the article.
I finally got to go back to my home country for Christmas, having not been back for the length of the pandemic other than a few days to attend a funeral. While I was there, I met up with a group of our friends, one of whom asked me if I was staying with my brother and his ‘wife’. As it turns out, they had gotten married at a small ceremony over a year earlier that only my sister-in-law’s sister and two of our friends were invited to. Most people assumed that I had been told already, but the two friends who were at the wedding had also been told not to tell me.
I was very upset about it, and asked to meet my brother for dinner a few days later for dinner. He told me that they had gotten married secretly as his wife and my mother apparently don’t get along. At some point in the last two years there had been a nasty fight between them. Reading between the lines, I’m reasonably sure it was about money. My parents had helped them with the cost of buying the apartment they lived in, and subsequently with the cost of buying a detached house. There was a period where they were holding the costs of both properties while trying to sell the apartment, which took longer than expected and caused a large financial burden. While I don’t know the details of the fight, my brother told me that my mother had been in tears and was saying maybe she just “shouldn’t speak to anyone ever again”. My brother also feels like my mother has never approved of anyone he’s dated. My mother, FWIW, has told me that she loves my sister-in-law and is desperately sad that they don’t see more of them both.
Apparently, I wasn’t told as they thought I would tell our parents. While I understand their position, I’m still upset that I wasn’t told at all. I’d been very happy for them both and looking forward to the wedding. I told my brother he couldn’t hide this forever and they needed to tell my parents. He said he would, but was vague about when this would happen and it still seems to be the case that he hasn’t 3 months later.
I’m not happy that I’m now keeping the secret for him too, as it was upsetting enough for me to find out some of my friends knew I didn’t know and didn’t tell me. It will be heartbreaking for my parents to find out, and I imagine they’ll feel betrayed by me as well if I keep this from them. I’d understand more if my folks were abusive in some way, but they’ve been very loving and supportive throughout our lives. The most they could be accused of is being occasionally overbearing.
I’m going to be back again this November and had planned to propose to my girlfriend during the trip, which is going to get people asking questions about my brother if I propose while he has been (in their eyes) engaged for four years. All this is putting pressure on me now. Either my parents will end up feeling betrayed by me if I don’t tell them, or my brother will if I do. Any thoughts about how best to proceed?
TL;DR my brother is hiding the fact that he's been married for nearly two years from our family and I'm stuck between either them or him being very upset about whether or not I tell them.

I really contemplated for a while not writing this review. I’m someone that values harmony in my living environment so I don’t love to “ruffle” feathers unnecessarily but my personality is a little contradictory in the sense that although I’m not a “confrontational” person by nature, I have an intensely visceral reaction to injustice of any kind and if a confrontation is warranted I will not shy from it. I moved to the Gold Coast in may last year. This bar…The lodge tavern is right next to my apartment and it was one of my first stops. I’m going to be careful not to mention any specific names in this review because this isn’t meant to be an attack on any specific individuals involved in this situation. This is simply me speaking my truth. I enjoyed my initial visit to the lodge. I met a male manager who was welcoming and the staff seemed nice as well. I was definitely in a “post pandemic” mind space where I just wanted to go out and meet people. I am pretty extroverted for the most part so quarantine took a toll on my mental health. I was missing that sense of community and belonging. The Gold Coast had this energy of a quaint community oriented neighborhood and I was excited to get out there and make new friends. My second visit to the lodge was much less pleasant. A female bartender was working at the time. I got a cider and had my little service animal in training with me. I knew no one in the neighborhood at the time and it was nice to get out in a cozy bar near my home with my dog… it all seemed perfect. My pup was busy exploring the peanut shells on the ground which was so cute to watch… he wandered near a couple sitting at the bar and the woman understandably looked annoyed. I heard her audibly say something about me to the female bartender who chuckled. I decided to ignore it. Professionalism is a huge deal to me so I was a bit shocked when the bartender joined the customer in ridiculing me. It was hurtful and shocking. I should add that I’m an African immigrant and since moving to the US with my family I have experienced a lot of situations where I feel “othered” or “excluded” in predominantly white spaces for obvious reasons. Im used to this and unless it becomes direct…. I ignore it. And that interaction… although humiliating… wasn’t direct enough for me to make it an issue. I paid for my drink, tipped well and left. About 2 weeks later… I wandered into the lodge with two guys I met at another bar who wanted to come upstairs to my apartment to “hangout”. I suggested going to the lodge instead bc I just wasnt comfortable with having 2 guys I barely know to my tiny studio apartment. Upon arriving at the lodge I noticed that the same bartender who was working last time was working that night with another girl. I walked in and greeted them both and was responded to with smug looks and short responses. I thought nothing of it. Although this behavior is again hurtful… it just wasn’t direct enough for me to make it an issue. I’m grateful for my parents and the way I was raised… it’s not in my nature to make myself “smaller” or “dim my light” to make other people comfortable. I believe that as long as I’m respectful to others…. I give myself permission to be the most extroverted and brightest version of myself. I also believe respect should be reciprocal. Especially in the Midwest…lol it’s just socially awkward in my opinion to be be rude to others unprovoked. Especially if you work in customer service. The lodge has a very “laid back” energy and a lot of people in the Gold Coast are regulars there. That night… with the two male friends I walked in with $200 in cash and a card that had about $65 on it ( it’s not my primary card… I left my wallet at home and use this specific card for minor purchases). This is the part of the situation that I take complete responsibility for. I knew the lodge doesn’t take cash. I should have brought another card with. One of the guys I was with was getting increasingly pushy about me taking him to my apartment. That wasn’t going to happen and it wasn’t a friendship I wanted to continue lol but I wanted to have fun and knew I had enough money to pay for MY drinks. Like most girls at a bar… the guys I’m with usually paid for my drinks but in the particular situation where I didn’t feel completely safe with the guys I was with and I couldn’t depend on the female bartenders to look out for me I just wanted to pay for my own drinks so that I didn’t feel any pressure or obligation to take anyone to my apartment or do anything I wasn’t comfortable with. I had 4 shots. $65 on a credit builder card and $200 in cash. My bill came and my card inevitably declined for $70+ dollars. I was humiliated and the bartenders had been chuckling at me with regulars all night. At this point the guy I was with who was aggressively trying to come to my apartment and was realizing that would not happen took the opportunity to retaliate and walk out on me. The female bartender who I already had the previous unpleasant experience with proceeded to get in the middle of the bar, holding up my card and yelled that my card was declined and it needed to be taken cared of. I was mortified. There are usually cops outside the lodge… I’m friendly with most of them and I knew in that moment that I’d rather deal with a cop than this girl who insists on humiliating me every time I come into the bar. I’m no stranger to the energy I got from her. Women feeling eclipsed by my presence and wanting to humiliate me. I wanted no part of it. I asked to talk to the cops. She perked right up at the opportunity to throw the black girl to the cops. I’m not a criminal I have no reason to fear police officers whose duty is to make me feel safe. I think that’s a cultural misunderstanding on my part. I’m African…not African American and I’m still learning about race relations in America. I told her to “ move her fat ass out of my way” she was towering over me yelling at me while the entire bar watched and chuckled. It was humiliating. But I do regret insulting her. I think it gave her ammunition to demonize me in this situation and I also just hate being mean to people. The cops were actually very friendly….I was drunk and in a vulnerable state and I think they saw that. My card was eventually charged for the $65 dollars it would allow and I went home. Horrified. Embarrassed. I’m someone that struggles with depression and anxiety and I’m open about that bc I think a lot of people understand my struggles especially with all the social issues that have come up in the past couple of years. We’re all a little triggered.
In the society… in this world… as a black woman, I understand how the world sees me. But my personal power isn’t dependent on other peoples projections of my value. We all have power. My truth is my power. My rawness. My vulnerability. My compassion. My relentless pursuit of justice. That’s my power.
I wrote a review the next morning…. An extensive one like this one. Again….in a world where you aren’t seen… respected…. Loved… my truth is my power. I explained my experiences at the lodge till date… but I was immature in my wording. I didn’t call the female bartender by her name… I used physical descriptors that were offensive. I specifically used the words “fat ass”. I should ass that I use the word “fat” to describe myself all the time. It’s just a word to me…it’s an objective physical descriptor. But in this context it was offensive and I realize that. I was hurt by how she treated me… humiliated me. But it wasn’t an acceptable way to deal with the situation but relative to how I had been treated I felt justified taking that dig. In retrospect I realize that only decreased my credibility in the situation and created more animosity.
I moved on to the next phase of dealing with this very uncomfortable situation which was advocating for myself. I reached out to the HR department of the company that owns this bar and the lady I spoke with seemed like she cared and she told me she would investigate the situation. I waited patiently for 3 weeks or so…. Within that time… every time I walked past the lodge I was met with overt comments through their open windows from regulars. I can’t begin to explain how humiliating this was…this wasn’t the kind of attention I wanted in my new home. And as someone who is mentally fragile and deals with intense depression…this experience was deeply damaging. It hurt me to my core.
I decided to try something different. I went back to the lodge and spoke with said female bartender….I asked her what her issue was with me? I brought up her damaging and offensive behaviors( gossiping and ridiculing me to customers at the bar). She denied it and in turn brought up the fact that I called her “fat” I immediately apologized. I’m not a body shamer and I’m someone that actively tries to support other women. I explained to her that I’ve had a ton of experiences in my life where I’ve been treated unfairly for the color of my skin or women ostracizing me because they’re threatened by the way I look when I have makeup and fancy clothes on…( I have two sides to me… the tomboy and the princess… I love putting on a little foundation, lashes and lipstick and looking like a doll lol) and my extroversion. This was my attempt at radical vulnerability and she dismissed it immediately. “That has nothing to do with it, you were treated how you were bc of the way you were acting”. An admission that I was in fact being treated poorly and an insidious attempt to use racial stereotypes to demonize the black girl. “the way you were acting”. How was I acting? I wasn’t being obnoxious… I was doing what people do at a bar. Get drunk and have conversations. My goal wasn’t to be “right”, my goal with restoring harmony. So I offered her a hug which she understandably declined. I was told that I wasn’t allowed at the bar anymore. I was enraged by this. In my opinion I hadn’t done anything to warrant a ban. Cards get declined. I didn’t yell or act aggressively when I was humiliated in front of the entire bar…. A ban was unfair. There are tons of bars in the Gold Coast I don’t NEED to go to the lodge. It’s the principle. You cannot ostracize people from spaces because of your personal bias against them. It’s unfair. And this in my opinion constitutes as “direct” discrimination and disrespect. It was subtle and insidious and I wasn’t going to just sit back and take it.
In the weeks that followed every weekend I walked past the lodge I was met with catcalling and obscenities being yelled at me. I was told on dating apps by people in the neighborhood that a rumor was going about that I was a prositute. I remember the black male manager at the lodge asking me where I worked when I asked him to advocate for me about the bullying situation. At the time I thought it was an odd… irrelevant question in response to such a horrifying and traumatizing experience. Apparently you can’t be black and attractive in the Gold Coast or you’re probably a prostitute. I have a rewarding engineering job that I love. He added “ well if your card hadn’t gotten declined none of this would have happened”. I have nothing against sex workers but the defamation of my character was getting out of control and I needed to do something about it. My mental health was on a steady decline. I couldn’t eat or get out of bed. I was too humiliated to even leave the house...to walk my dog…No one should ever have to feel that amount of discomfort where the live.
I decided to escalate the situation and I sent emails to every management person I could find online associated with the lodge management group. My first email was responded to and I was told the situation would be “investigated”. I know they have cameras. They could have easily rolled back the footage to see the bartender humiliating me. Was I overcharged? I ordered 4 shots. How was it 70+ dollars?. Weeks passed. The bullying continued. My depression worsened and nothing was investigated.
The security guards at the lodge and affiliate bars had heard about the situation at this point and every time I visited the hange uppe ( which I loved)or shenanigans…I was greeted with disrespect from the guards. There was an air of blind tribalism. It didn’t seem to matter to anyone who was right or wrong in the situation. It had been decided that I was a problem and that was the narrative.
I went to the hangeuppe one Thursday and had a great time like a always do. Going out on the weekend It’s my catharsis after a long week of work. I get to dress up and look cute and meet cute boys. My extroverted nature loved it. One this Thursday though when I got to the door… I knew the guards were talking about me. They were staring at me and whispering as I waited in line and when it was my turn to take my ID… they just starred at me with a scrawl on their faces. At this point in this neighborhood… about 5 months into moving here I’ve gotten very good at ignoring negativity. I simply walked past them and said nothing. But I was hurt…at the end of the night I drunkenly said to one of the guards… “I know you think you know me…but you don’t even know my name. You heard rumors about me and you’re acting based on those without giving me the opportunity to explain myself”. He replied “I do know you”. I responded “actually you don’t…for example we’re both black but I’m African… like from the continent of Africa… you wouldn’t know that unless you actually got to know me… we are both black but we’re different. It’s not fair to make assumptions about people…we are all too complex and layered”. I regretted my drunken attempt at teaching a philosophical lesson immediately. I should have never brought up me being African. It was just an example but I could tell he took it the wrong way. He got very offended and told me to leave. I cried the rest of that night realizing that this would only make the public humiliation saga I was in worse.
The Saturday that followed I went back to the hanguppe like I usually do and was immediately told I wasn’t allowed. In front of everyone. I asked to speak with a manager and was referred to the black male manager who was working at shenanigans at the time. It was a Saturday night. Division street was filled with people and in front of everyone he said “I was told that you were harassing some of my guys at The Hangge Uppe on Thursday it’s become a pattern and because of that you are banned from all of our bars”. He said this in front of everyone and I was sooo humiliated. I knew I needed to advocate for myself. I responded “ It makes me extremely sad that you specifically would say this to me because every time I see you I’ve been kind to you and even given you a hug despite all the horrible things that your staff and other people that are aware of this situation have done to me.I don’t understand why you can’t judge my character based on your personal experiences with me rather than hearsay and rumors“. He responded “ you’re mentally disturbed”. I am not being dramatic when I say this is one of the most painful moments of my life if not the most humiliating and painful moment of my life. I could feel the pain in my throat. I can’t describe to you how I felt in that moment. I had opened up about my anxiety and depression to management when I was being bullied by their staff and regulars. I opened up about my mental health because I wanted the to understand the severity of the bullying and how deeply it was impacting. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts since high school and now they were a daily thing. Because of the actions of a group of people I woke up every day wishing I wasn’t alive. I can’t change being a woman. I can’t change being black. I can’t change being “attractive”. I can’t change being an extrovert. Why would I want to exist in a would where I’m not accepted for who I am but instead punished for it.
The bullying at the lodge and their franchise bars only stopped bc I got a lawyer and a cease and desist was sent to management. I had to advocate for myself. In a messed up way I’m grateful for this experience. It forced me to grow in some pretty profound ways. It forced me to focus more on self care and self love and less on seeking external validation to feel loved. Not everyone is going to like me and that’s okay. If you’re someone that struggles with mental health know that you are not unworthy of love. Your very existence on this planet is proof that you are loved unconditionally. You are irreplaceable and you do matter.
PLEASE CALL OR TEXT 988 ANYTIME TO SPEAK WITH A MENTAL HEALTH ADVOCATE. You are loved. The universe loves you and so do I.
It’s important for us all to realize that you cannot project stereotypes and assumptions about groups of people unto an individual. I truly believe that if I wasn’t a black woman someone would have done something to advocate for me. But I’m not a victim. I never will be. I am love.

Booked Airbnb for Turks Caicos yesterday-ish, & reservation was approved about 15 hours ago.
Last night I found out I could stay another 3 days and asked host if they could accommodate, this morning host said they couldn’t. said Well…
Today (March 20, 3pm) was the deadline for cancellation & full-refund. Evidently they had the “Strict” policy, or whatever the 30 day one is.
Side note : Until recently, I’ve been in bed for over a year with a severe back injury. I was finally able to get some nerve medicine from my doctor and now I am able to walk so my partner told me he wants me to go somewhere because it’s been such a hard few years for me.
when I found out this morning, they could not accommodate my extra days. I went in to cancel, and was unable to because of some kind of technical issue. ? I tried and tried. I was told there was an error & to try again—
After several hours of trying to fiddle with that, I went ahead and contacted the host to let her know what was going on by this time. It was a little bit later than the 3p cutoff.
She replied to my message with “Ok, let me see what I can do, give me 5 min” then she came back and said according to policy she can’t help me. In other words she decided to keep half of my money (1050.00).
Well now I prob can’t go at all.
I called air bnb to explain but the lady who didn’t speak English very well didn’t seem to understand what I was trying to say.
What do/can I do?? The $ came out of my PayPal which is attached to my CC.
I’ve had a good standing account history w PP and I am desperate to get my thousand dollars back. I feel like I was robbed.
It seems odd to me that they can accept a short-notice booking and be able to keep half money if not cancelled before 30 days.
Anyone know what I can do?
I am freaking out, have been crying all day.
I hope this makes sense. I’m so disturbed and in shock I can barely write this. I’m 43 and I’ve never had anything like this happen to me.

I’ve been back at work a little over a month and conveniently, right when I went back my LO’s sleep fell apart. She went from 1 night waking to 3/4 and now takes 2 - 3 hours to even get to sleep (fed to sleep, she falls asleep immediately but needs to be held for a long time before I can successfully transfer her). Her dad was doing the first night shift with her so it helped but now she just screams until she falls back asleep (40+ minutes) or I come get her if her dad even touches her past 6 pm.
So in summary, I’m exhausted. I’m never not exhausted. I keep saying “she’ll sleep one day” and “this is only temporary” but it doesn’t feel temporary. Is there some trick? Or is it really just being miserably exhausted for a few years till sleep stabilizes?

Basically the title. Is the QD OLED worth it to sacrifice not being able to get 77”?? I watch movies a ton via my 4K Blu-ray player, but I also play single player story mode games on my PS5 a good bit too. Tv will be in the living room of a garden unit apartment at about 10 feet viewing distance (guesstimate) Let me know y’all thoughts! Thanks!

Hey guys quick spill just so you get the jist of things ,I’m 19 and ever since I can remember my parents have been narcissists I haven’t always realized this but as I got into my teens I became educated on the subject and I had to accept the reality of things because I was a scapegoat for 1 and 2 its tearing me apart in ways I prayed it would never , but they are technically my aunt and uncle but they adopted 12 kids all the kids are grown up and out of the house now except me im the youngest of the bunch they got my when I was 8 months old cs my real mother was fighting her own demons , my uncle is my real moms brother I quickly learned him and my real mom didn’t really like each other growing up , i don’t know exactly why but they don’t they both have issues but anytime they go around each other they fight but my point is now the house is dysfunctional as heck my aunt that I once saw as literally one of the most genuine beautiful spirited person I’d ever know and it stayed that way until I was about 15 her being around my narcissistic uncle her husband has taken a toll on her and on top of that I know she knew what she was doing she was too good at what she did the charm , but now my uncle is about 57 and my aunt is 64 they took custody of their 3 grandkids one has sensory disorder he is a boy and 11 now another is a now 9 year old girl and a now 17 year old boy the 17 year old is a rascal he has suffered a lot and he doesn’t really grasp life right now which is understandable so he helps them treat me like shit the kids I don’t blame because I know they don’t know any better to treat me like shit because it’s what they see and hear all day and their grandparents are narcissistic people which their delicate minds can fully understand just yet but don’t get it twisted they know when something’s not right they just don’t have the confidence or courage to speak up because they think it’s how life is unless they are getting tourtured physically and can show the abuse and you can see the wounds and maker sure they heal but what about the inner wounds that don’t heal as quickly I can tell you I lived thru being their kid for 17 years cause as soon as I turned 18 and I didn’t act or do what they want me to I was no good to them and I know it didn’t just magically start when I was 18 but this leads me to my point do you believe having a narcissist parent or guardian should be considered abuse or neglectful in a form ?! I do but please share with me I know we need hard moments in life to build character but that shouldn’t be traumatizing and abusive moments that last for years until you “escape” !!!

So, I really like this guy. He’s pan and we hang out constantly. Everyday for a few hours, but usually like 2 or 3. We live one building apart so we typically hang at his place.
When we hang out, we seem to spend the entire time flirting, but we’ve gone nowhere. Plus, he’s said that he’s though of me so much as a friend that it would be difficult (but importantly not impossible) to get out of being considered that way.
But that leads to today. This afternoon I headed to dinner as usual and we met up at our college’s dining hall, sitting there for an hour before going back to his place.
We sat on a couch together and he leaned in to me, so I leaned back, putting my head on his shoulder. He didn’t say anything right away, but when I lifted my head back up, he said “it’s ok you can leave it there”, eventually I slid down until my head was sitting on his thigh, and we were watching TikTok’s together.
What I haven’t figured out is how he sees these “hang out” times. For me, I see them like little dates, and despite the fact that we have never admitted any feelings for each other, it’s clear something is there.
So, what should I do? Should I ask him to be my boyfriend, should I hang out with him more as a friend or should I try to find someone else? I’m just so torn and helpless on what I should do 🥲

Last week I was in my running truck without the radio on and it all of a sudden sounded like an A/C leak / heater or Dan duct leak started at idle. No leaks inside or out. Heat and A/C work great. No temp / fluid issues. No codes. You’re getting the idea. Nothing apparent but a definite air leaving a system noise. (Note: when any small noise bothers the shit out of me, I might tear apart my dash!!!!!!) I am getting infotainment deck replaced in 2 weeks (imagine that). What should I direct the dealership to look at when the dash is being worked?? What could this be & how could I fix it??
Thanks in advance.

the spent fuel issue is fake, an excuse for my fellow progressives to kill what they dont understand. Glassify and dump it.
I'm sick of this anti-nuc shit. we should have a reactor at every river, tearing water apart into clean hydrogen and pure oxygen -- no more oil, coal, or gas necessary for anything.

I don't know what to do anymore, I'm too tired and exhausted for everything and anything. I snap at every little thing, i feel bad for being such an asshole to my family and friends. I hate being here, I hate just being there, and i feel guilty because they are the best people i could ever encounter in my life. They make me feel happy so it hurts so much when they say something that just makes me feel horrible. Even when i start it i should expect it, but sometimes i just say things without thinking knowing what the outcome could be. I can't keep going like this with all these pilled up work and stupid fucking rules. I have to go to Church and I'm an atheist but of course why would I say that I'll just get my ass yelled at. I just don't know what to say when i have been piling up my feelings and thoughts. I hate confrontation, i hate having to tell people my boundaries because it'll just make me feel bad that I'm telling them what not to do. I just wish i could disappear, i was better off alone with no one because at least i knew i wouldn't hurt anyone or feelings. I want to leave. I can't fucking do this i can't I'm done I'm so fucking done. I want to disappear like i never existed. If i could i would. And when i feel useless, when people make fun of my body because I don't fit the stupid stereotype, i have to hear it from my family and now my friends? YOU INOW HOW FYCKING SAD IT IS? i can't even trust the people i love. I wish i was back home where my whole family is. I just want to experience an actual sweet warm hug that I didn't have to ask for. Why does it feel like my life is falling apart i wasn't as insecure as i am now. I want to scream and cry but i barely have a reason to, not even to explain it to the people around me. I want to avoid everything, i want to die already. I'm not scared of death if it feels like I'm living it right now but maybe I'm just exaggerating. This could be fixed so easily but easier said than done. Whatever, i just can't keep silent about this when I need someone to tell to. I feel better now that i can say this even if it's just in text. If i had the chance to never exist i would take it honestly.

Life is a funny thing. Sometimes it brings you joy, sometimes it brings you sadness, but meaning is found in the act of being. When you stop trying to solve everything, you come to realize that all of the answers are in front of you and have been all along. Babies are not ignorant; they're profoundly aware. I recently calmed my mind following a serious mental breakdown after making 23 theories on Mort from Madagascar. It was exhausting, but i've come out of this with a renewed sense of clarity that has granted me all of the answers. What does that mean, and how does this work? I don't know, but the result was a series of jokes I made coming true and then answering every single question I've ever had about Pixar. This metaphysical cipher has finally allowed me to figure out Monsters, What do you mean? You might ask what needs solving—haven't there been way too many Pixar theories? Don't think this is a theory, think of it as the key to every plot hole ever; it's not only logical, but poetic and sensible, and likely this video will serve to unify everything I've ever done. A few months ago I made a wild video that made a lot of bold claims about the Pixar company; I called it the twisted nest of Pixar," and that's becoming more true than ever. I hope you've seen it, and I hope you've heeded my warning, which suggested that you watch my three theories on Raw, three theories on Syndrome, and two theories on the Incredibles government because everything's about to connect perfectly, and this second Pixar dissertation is about to grind along the fringes of sanity and go straight off the rails!
Hello, I am the theorizer... Baby Smitty, the second I laid eyes on this character, I felt the overwhelming urge to hate him. He's just... i don't know how to put it, but for six months now I've been attacking him on social media. I made some bold claims intended to be slanderous about how he's an evolved form of the Spanish flu, how he's an anomalous Atlantic mime, and how he's the gastropod godfather, whatever that means. People have understandably accused me of losing my mind Baby Smitty is that little blue slug that wanders around with the preschool during the events of Monsters, Inc. and then bites Mike Wazowski's hand for no damn reason. Yes, this character with 30 seconds of screen time has earned my profound hatred; I can just feel that something's going on here. His name is yes, literally, "baby Smitty," and it's presumably because there's already another slug character named Smitty; he's the door shredder guy. This is the first clue that something's going on here; they could have named this child anything they wanted, but instead they named him "baby Smitty" so as to relate him back to the older Smitty. It signifies that blue slugs likely turn more green as they get older, and it means there's some fascinating continuity going on beneath the surface; in fact, all of the kids in this preschool seem to be related to the other older monsters we've seen. Let me elaborate: I have reason to believe that there is yet another smitty hiding somewhere out there, an adolescent smitty, dare I say. When Mike and Sully leave their apartment, we see some kids playing jump rope, and sitting right there on the steps is yet another blue slug with four arms; he's holding a soccer ball, and he says hi to them. With all of this in mind, I could easily believe that this is the house where the Smitty family lives, and in the window we see a giant eyeball; perhaps this is the head of the Smitty family, and it's kind of disturbing that they get so big. It's an interesting comparison to make though, because in Monsters University we see a giant slug octopus librarian who fits similar descriptions. This is the scary part. The Smitty family is well aware of Mike and Sully, the door shredder. Smitty is a super fan, and baby Smitty is freaking terrifying. They live right next door. Not only that, but Smitty shreds doors on Mike and Sully's own scare floor, which displays how they're always close behind them. When door shredder Smitty arrives on the scene, his job is to get rid of any unfit scare candidates, perhaps kids who are too jaded, too old, so on and so forth. I believe most of the Smitty family is indeed employed here, each with their own role to play, and then there's the baby of the bunch, i want to be clear, and this is about to get unlike anything you've ever seen before.
After uploading the matroshka video, I received numerous comments asking how the giraffe fits in. Yes, the giraffe, the bonus disc is filled to the brim with detail, more than any other bonus disc I've ever laid eyes upon, and it's all for a very specific reason. A while back, youtuber headache scanned this disc as well and was severely put off by the giraffe, rented an entire theater just to zoom in and screen and confirm its existence. What is it, and how could this even work? It would have to make a sneaky bee line for the door the moment where it needs to disappear, but it didn't take me long to realize it does at the exact moment in question boo leans up and points at her door. Sully assumes she's referring to the monsters scaring her but in fact she's talking about the stealth giraffe that just ran through and replaced itself. This still sounds insane and ridiculous at face value, but luckily it's just the missing piece i've been looking for, so is it some sort of monster? The answer is no. It's been a fixture of Boo's bedroom for quite some time, and this seems to be the two worlds colliding with full force. You'll see what I mean. Have you heard of the mans and the mons? It's a neat little story on the bonus disc detailing how monsters and humans lived in harmony until the humans bullied the monster's ugliness so bad that they had to flee to an enchanted island where they ate the food which made them scarier, and they began to spook humans out of revenge. They continued the tradition to this very day. This story upends a lot. I've constantly been saying that the doors go back in time, but that seems to be a falsehood. They refer to them as the human world and the monster world. I've been thinking about this little short for quite some time, and it seems to be a sort of bedtime story being told to younger generations. it's vague and seems to be somewhat metaphorical, what with enchanted islands, and so I've thought and thought and thought and felt like maybe it was a portal to a hidden world, perhaps underground, or something, so I scanned that bonus disk again and the answer hit me hard. the man's and the mons confirm it. It's a sort of propaganda, presumably by someone like Waternoose, and it also fully confirms hostility between monsters and humans. In the Himalayas, we see a village where we catch a glimpse of how scaring looks from the human side: lights constantly flashing, kids constantly screaming, villages in uproar — hold on, how would the human world not realize something fishy is going on? The human government must know that this is happening based on the history and the statistics. How can Mike and Sully traumatize adults at camp and just get away with it? How can they banish unruly monsters from the human world with such ease?
Oh...OH..OHHH...Mhmm, it's really simple. It's not that it's easy; it's that they've already been caught. It's happening, you feel it. It's likeIt's like a chill in the air. The puzzle, I did it. Oh, I did it. The humans, they know it's all a trap!Okay, so boo's bedroom is the nexus of multiversal overlap; it's the central focal point; I hinted at this in the twisted nest video; it's at the forefront of BNL's universal merge; it's the gateway between worlds, containing the layers below it in the form of toys; it's a crucial moment of overlap; but up until this point, I assumed it was all just a byproduct of the situation: reality bending in on itself. But don't you see, don't you understand it' It's all a setup and a lie. This isn't Boo's bedroom because there is no booze bedroom. This is a test. It's a facility. This is all BNL. The entire bedroom is an experiment by BNL monitored 24/7 to study the monsters so they can take over their world. They want Monstropolis because it's the mother lode, the nexus of the multiverse, with portals galore. All of their multiversal products are scattered amidst this fake room, all designed to catch the monsters. The giraffe is not a monster; it is BNL's modus operandi; it is robotic. The giraffe is the equivalent of a robotic animal, inconspicuously recording nature footage. Wait a second. Wait a second. No, I'm not crazy. I heard that this is familiar. Where did I learn this? [GASP]
Ms. Flint: Because...Mr. Bile: Um, it could... let in a draft (Girrafe)?
When I was younger, I always thought I heard giraffe never draft." I'm not alone in this; I've seen others online who heard this too. I bet this is purposeful. If you don't believe me, just take a look at the wall right behind him because, holy sh*t. There are literally giraffes right there, and get this: a toy giraffe angled perfectly as an inconspicuous camera. They're trying to tell us this was all a setup. It is complete and utter recon. The bedroom is a BNL venus fly trap. Do you have any idea how much this changes It means Bo was supposed to be captured. They put this child there for the sole purpose of getting snatched so they could send in the giraffe or any other spyware. Remember, we've established in the previous video that Boo has been screaming extracted many times. This is how she knew to open the secret door, and it's also why she's strangely comfortable around the water noose at first, and why Randall keeps going back for her and even mentions how she needs to take off a few pounds. This is how the giraffe was already in their world when the film began, and I mean, let's take a closer look at this supposed bedroom. For starters, the brightness of this moonlight is impossible; it'd have to be more like a street lamp, but it's angled in such a way that she'd have to be close to it. I don't hear any cars, only faint crickets and a subtle humming a humming you say like an industrial spotlight maybe. I'd also like to point out that this nursery mobile tilts slightly the moment we see it, even though this bedroom was completely empty.
How do you think BNL is accomplishing this? Yes, it would seem as though they've kidnapped a little girl and forced her to walk across the world. If this truly is the Incredibles universe, then could it really be true that she's a superhero? Or could it be how else she's full of energy that can power worlds? She's used as a lure. She can be screamingly extracted over and over again. And for sake, she literally teleports around. This is complete insanity, but something's still not adding up. I know BNL has the ability to kidnap superheroes; that's not an issue.
Oh, oh! I am so sorry! I don't know how to prepare you for this...[Robot test child acts as being scared and shuts down in Monster Inc. after being revealed and the simulation being terminated]They were telling us the whole time; can't you see what I've been saying? The whole film is bombarding us with it! They even do it again in the climax itself!
One question: why would it just be the giraffe? BNL is a company run and owned by robots; why would they stop? They wouldn't allof the toys here, these matroshka centrals themselves are spyware. The technology in the Incredibles world is so powerful that I've claimed Mirage as a robot. Do you see now that the giraffe isn't the only one being sent through, Boo is too? She teleports around, has no parents, is filled with energy, and everyone calls her Anita. She speaks like a machine learning algorithm, squealing "Kitty!' all over the place. She gives him tons of spyware as a last ditch recon op, and when she falls asleep she just shuts down! This child is not a child at all. Case in point, the cereal she eats repeatedly and doesn't die! Why would I be so insane to think that because i've read the ingredients, and I don't know about you, but I've never heard of an ordinary human being who can eat uranium, mercury, neurotoxins, and sulfuric acid, she physically can't be a human, but she mimics one perfectly like Mirage, ever the puppet with strings. BNL has been aware of the monster world for ages now, spying, prying, and planning a takeover of the world without energy as they use the same child targeting algorithm that the monsters themselves use. The end of the film is far, far darker this way; no wonder Smitty is shredding so many dead doors indeed. So this whole film was a plot staged by BNL to gain access to the master reality so they could collapse all of the layers. How deep does this go? First, thanks to my commenters, the ultimate proof can be found in cars.
[Truck Sulley and Mini Wazowski are scared and yell at Yeti Snowplow.]Yeti: "Welcome to the Himalayas!"Mack: "Oh, that abominable snowplow!"So this is unequivocal proof of films within films, but there's something else here to mention, and like A113 and the pizza planet truck, it's another symbolic representation of the states of these universes. The Chinese Food Boxes, this brand is located in every single universe except Monsters, Inc., where it's slightly off. This is because BNL owns fast food chains, but again, they've failed to assimilate Monstropolis. There is nexus upon nexus upon nexus as they try to break reality, and this restaurant is a nexus, upon nexus, hence Marlin literally being on the wall. BNL is trying to ram through these realities with a vengeance. It's obvious they're the humans who remember the monsters, the war, and the parallel worlds. That's how they've done all this, but here comes the true bombshell: here comes the mind to end all mine.
Mirage..the syndrome theories he's tied in to, he's creating increasingly human robots, it's all a part of the same thing, remember, he did all of this for the government! I told you they were shady, even back in the days when I had a text-to-speech and was narrating my videos. The incredible government syndicate, from their theories, has directed the syndrome from his theories, and they are building and funding massive quantities of artificial intelligence to consume the multiverse? You see, this government that suppresses supers and rules the world is BNL! I'm in a state of shock and I'm in a state of panic. It all makes sense. OH OH!!![Bud Luckey narrates: "The mons swam and swam."] The narrator of "The Mans and the Mons" ! it should sound familiar, because it's agent Rick Dicker himself! they remember the war! This isn't a story for monster children; it's for humans who were being inducted into their little cult, their little propaganda, and their little cartoons. Oh, now it makes sense why they targeted Winston and Evelynn Endeavor! It was their link to the telecommunications industry; they want to air their pre-emptive matroshka buzz lightyear shows, sure, but don't you see what's happening here? BNL is airing violence to children so they can desensitize them. This is what we see causes all of the dead doors. BNL is the true cause of the power crisis, robbing the energy that led to water news seeking out the greatest source, which was Boo's bedroom. The trap syndrome is a prime example of this violent fanboy youth.
I've solved it. This is why the Incredibles is so violent. I bet the government created superheroes to fight violence publicly and have children enjoy it. I mean, if it were poetic, they'd harvest the chains of monsters, which could be why they have owl creatures and stuff. It should be abundantly clear what I'm saying: BNL is the national superhero agency, the NSA has secret ocean bases to try and pinpoint the Bermuda Triangle, and Rick Dicker even vacations to one, just like the monsters! I'm shaking internally and externally, but wait, there's more! Because speaking of three-letter acronyms, the CDA is a crucial factor here too, a child-protecting team of monsters led by Roz after she quit being a scarer, at least according to my theories, but i do believe Waternoose and Roz aren't as clueless about all of this as one might think. Waternoose says 'she's seen too much', implying bad ramifications, and then babbles about how everyone's doomed as he's carried off, and it's because they know something -- their family created the portals after all, something's fishy, and i'm not just talking about this Bermuda crustacean, the CDA sees Mike and Sully's apartment light up, but they let it slide even though it's a sure sign of boo, I mean See their theories for more on that, and remember when Raz confronted Mike and Sully in the university and said she'd always be watching them? Why? They did nothing wrong except get on BNL's radar! I wonder how many kids are decoys adding to thecrisis Perhaps Roz has a counter giraffe she sent through, which is why she let Bo escape to begin with; all of her employees are yellow; she could have spotted it waddling out, even the news guy, who wink wink, is another A113 misprint uses telecommunication to say he's always watching them. They are targets after being seen by human adults, and I don't think it's any coincidence that Boo smiled as she smashed their telecommunications device. But before I wrap around to baby Smitty, I need to reach the holy grail of Pixar theorizing, which I found after months of analysis. You can probably feel it. We're building to one massive key that will answer everything related to BNL and Pixar itself. I hope you've seen everything i've ever said about BNL and Pixar.
Robots like Boo and Mirage don't seem like robots; they are so realistic it isn't even funny. It took mental gymnastics but also common sense for me to reach this conclusion, but there are certain things that robots notoriously cannot replicate, such as autonomy, emotion, and willpower. Recently, we got a movie named Soul, which focused on this most elusive factor: the difference between man and machine. boo isn't just a machine learning algorithm going around repeating "Kitty" She knows what kitties are, and she draws them on her wall as if she's learning about them with a purpose: is she artificial or a human? I also need to try and figure out how cars tie into this because evidently they do, but don't even get me started on what these things are supposed to be: are they artificial or human-like? I still need to bring Wall-E into this, but i can't for the life of me figure out how robots fall in lov--
[Theorizer moans Jumpscare]
I was right! I was right! I said it years ago, and I was right! The toys are possessed! BNL is using souls to power their machines. Oh..my..oh, that's the key! [SOUL] That's the truth they've been trying to tell us for decades. It's right there. They trick you into thinking this robot is actually a child, and then they make the movie about robots who are humans who fall in love with Wall-E and Eve. They even joke in Monsters, Inc. about children's souls possessing a garbage cube. This is BNL's end game: full corporate control. We even catch a glimpse of Mike's new car, which literally tries killing any monsters inside of it. Chomp! Don't you see how much sense this makes? Please understand! this is why 22 was so hesitant to head to earth; everyone is being brainwashed into obsession, which we see drains their souls and is ready to be harvested by BNL. She finally has a fun experience with Joe and a cat, then proceeds to birth into this! kitty..kitty..kitty!!Don't you see that 22 could very well be boo? Emotion is the link to the soul. When kids turn inside out and display mass amounts of emotion, their soul is vulnerable, and the monsters feed upon it. Randall's scream extractor rips the souls out of children. They are energetic; they wanted boo because 22 is inherently already loose. This is the same film that has Joe Gardner's score like some sort of Matroshka linked in Jazzy Fever Dream. Waternoose stops it with evil; Roz stops it with heroism. This brings me to the most critical of all points: the toys, many of which are BNL products such as Buzz Lightyear, act as soul funnels for children's imaginations, which i already determined also greatly helped power Monstropolis. Do you see what I'm saying? Do you see what I'm getting at?For years and years, I said Andy's ancestors helped watch over him in the form of toys. Now I have proof that this can be the case. The first film feels like two dads fighting over a son: the birth dad and the stepdad, Woody, who has no memory beyond a very specific point in his past and who watches over Andy like a father.[Excitement at the realization that Woody is Andy's dad] I did it! YES finally!
I need to down several chill pills with a gallon of chamomile; somebody stop me before I do so. UGH! We're too late; I've read too many ofYour comments and I have ascended one too many layers for my own good, but it does seem to be the case that, if varying levels of reality all coexist within a recursive stack, then why would our layer be exempt? Um, wait, what is BNL?The company that owns fictional Pixar and runs the world and has a monopoly on merchandise in the economy, um, this should sound strikingly familiar...
BNL is Disney. BNL is Disney! Oh my fuck!This is how our world ties into the theory. This is how the story drags in our lair. The fictional premise is that BNL is based off of Disney itself. This is most certainly what they were going for when they created the idea of BNL in the first place. The freakiest part in all of this is that Disney's late acquisition of Blue Sky Studios would canonize my Katie Theory by proxy because if all the layers are involved in a nest of insignificant easter eggs then the multiversal goddess would technically be involved too, but obviously that's not intentional; that's just a fun by-product of the insane fact that BNL is disney. My main concern now is that Disney is in the housing market and people are already comparing them to BNL online. Layers of reality are converging, and luckily we can finally solve Baby Smitty with all of this.
On the night of boo's escape, she ambushes a sushi restaurant named Harry Housens (laughs), and the cda bursts onto the scene with full force. In later interviews, a scarefloor monster named Lanky Schmidt claims that Boo used laser eyes, and another monster says she shook him like a dog with her mind powers, which is confirmed by yet another monster. This is all very suspicious because the Incredibles and Monsters, Inc. overlapped like mad to the point where they even shared similar logos, and this led to all of you commenting about the very viral theory, which identifies the possibility that Jack Jack is the real culprit. jack jack has all of those powers and the ability to overlap dimensionally. The strangest part, though, is that it occurs at such a coincidental moment, right amidst chaos, so here's the kicker: Here's my theory: here we go, Boo jumped up on the counter and screamed boo at all of the monsters in a sort of climactic moment of terror. Remember what I said about this restaurant being a nexus point, nay, a weak spot between universes? Well, I believe this entire night of horrors was a controlled event by BNL. From the other side, this restaurant is so literally fishy that I might be inclined to brand it as the center of the Bermuda Triangle, the center of the Bermuda Triangle. What is their logo, the Bermuda Triangle?[Inception sound at Triangle Illuminati at the sushi restaurant menu cover]
The restaurant is named after a famous real life animator, and it's because this whole situation is literally breaking down layers of reality and combining the easter eggs from our lair. Still don't believe me? Well guess what this restaurant is filled to the brim with, the Chinese food boxes. Are you kidding me? This is insane. So BNL is using children to minimize suspicions and keep them secure. Boo Jack Jack and someone else, another baby, a changeling, to swap universes with physical conservations. Now I didn't know who this was, and then every single layer of reality broke and I collapsed into a pit of my own broken existence.
The bonus disc ends with a series of bloopers that are literally showing how the film itself was filmed and have actors acting the act. matroshka! This is not what gets me, though; what gets me is that it finishes with a literal stage play retelling the events of the film, and who plays Boo? It's none other than baby Smitty; everything is collapsing. It's the way he stared down Lanky Schmidt himself that got me so much so that I tweeted about it without fully understanding what I was talking about, but it's him. This is what the giraffe teaches us about swapping universes. Baby smitty is a changeling with Jack Jack, and from that night forward, he's, "Oh, is it possible that baby smitty has no older sibling and that this was baby smitty until the night of living hell?" perhaps, perhaps, but that's not the point. Do you see what i'm really getting at, whichever method I use? Whatever happened, however it occurred, it did. BNL has been sending in decoy children to prep the universe for their takeover. Jack Jack's first big outpouring of power was during the short film "Jack Jack Attack." Near the end of this BNL inventor himself syndrome, Jack Jack arrives at the doorstep and makes a joke.Syndrome: "Then I would have been going around wearing a big BS, and you understand why I couldn't go with it."
[BS = Baby Smitty] What an absolute coincidence! I'm not sure what this thing is; it likely came through at some point somehow, but I don't believe this is a robot, at least not entirely. First of all, he has razor sharp teeth; slugs don't have teeth, not like this; look at older Smitty; those are teeth; they even make a point of how he can wear braces. These on the other hand are shards of bone. He slithers around like a leviathan and has a mouth like a lamprey off the top of my head. He shares a ton of characteristics with both leviathans and changelings from the show "Supernatural", which is a weird coincidence, but all this time my jokes were accurate. He supersedes gastropods. He is a virus spreading BNL in the atlantic hidden city. Baby Smitty is dumb and uneducated in parrots. He follows Mike Wazowski around like he's learning. His eyes are black and vacant, which is absolutely nothing with the older smitty or the other version of this child that we see earlier near the apartment. They chose him because of his proximity to Mike Sully and, most importantly, Boo.
I also believe Roz has ties back to this family. I believe this because we've established that the slugs turn green, grow massive, and may turn into old ladies who like administrative positions. She doesn't have the correct arm count, which leads me to believe she's only on one side of the family, but I do believe there's a slug conspiracy of some sort going on here in some form of 'Always Watching'
The film is quite upfront about it all, this is why Mike chose Baby Smitty to play Boo in the theatrical production, he sounds the same, he is a replacement, an imperfect one, and this brings me to my final conclusion and about what he's here to do. I believe BNL is already infiltrating Monstropolis, not in the form of robots -- that's just the equivalent of their reconnaissance drones -- no i think baby smitty is infectious I believe BNL is replacing the citizenry one member at a time. at first, I thought there's no way, but then i started getting advertisements for the new Monsters at work tv show, I haven't seen the whole thing, but here's the confusing part: I think i'm right, and I think the evidence is overwhelming.
In the show, we meet Gary Gibbs and Rose. Gary Gibbs is like Mike Wazowski, but blue and evil. Rose is similar to Roz, but she prefers Gary Gibbs and is less bubbly These are cloned villains who appeared out of nowhere shortly after the events of the film; Roz appears to be playing along; the bonus disc adds the CDA credits beneath Baby Smitty's preschool teacher, and all of them felt as though this meta-stage play was worth their time; cloning is occurring, but I don't know what the consistency was to be able to prove this, but then i realized the truth, it's all in the sounds! When Roz slams the door on mike's hands he screams yeaaaaahhhhhhh, later baby smitty parrot's mike wazowski, as if to repeat mimic clone it then as if informed by boo, he mysteriously stares at mike's previously damaged hands before chomping on them as hard as he can and what do we hear mike makes the exact same yeah scream once again, i have reason to believe that anyone who is bit by baby smitty is then cloned and prepped to be replaced it makes sense why this has already happened to mike and baby smitty's very own possible grandmother. It's in the bite, but as you should hear, it's also in the scream. It is a scream extraction. We've established that screams are funnels for the soul, and thus Baby Smitty is cloning people. Gary Gibbs is literally named after Mary Gibbs, which is Bo's real name and Bo's actress's name, and baby Smitty was the actor for Bo in the stage play. All of the levels of reality are collapsing, and Mike should have taken the hint when his hands were damaged at the end for more reasons than just fixing that damn door!
I hate baby Smitty! the scourge of Monstropolis, the doom of monsters BNLeviathan: This is what baby smitty is, because this is not baby smitty, let's be completely clear. The next step is to actually map this mitroshka and see what BNL's working with at the hypothetical maximum. The infinite mobius matrioshka, also known as the nested realities, are 20-dimensional. What i mean is that it would be easier if each film had every other film within it. It would be a diagram that would basically be a circle containing 20 other circles for each sub-universe, which contained 20 more circles infinitely. However, it's clear to me that this is not the case. I need to sift out every plot hole and every detail in every short film and shared universe. I need to interrelate every easter egg and display the omniversal container. How does Disney tie in? How do bloopers tie in? The result will be me having to visualize 20 dimensions in a single YouTube video, and then proceed to somehow illustrate approximately 20 to the power of 20 diagrams, which would require a hundred septillion pages. I'll have to find a workaround because that's physically impossible, so this will be graduate thesis material, and you better stay tuned. This has pushed me tremendously far over the edge, so subscribe and ring the bell where I'll find you until next time I'm the theorizer.

My boyfriend went away on a trip for a little over two weeks recently. I dreaded the time before this trip cause I knew I would severely miss him and for the first half of his trip I definitely felt like a part of me was missing. I got more used to it as time passed but I still missed him dearly. The day he came back I was overwhelmed w ick. His facial hair and eyebrows were super grown out and he skin was burned from the sun. Two things I was never bothered by until I felt a deep inexplicable disgust when I saw him.
I've literally seen this guy throw up and catch it in his hands and that didn't bother me. Now if he sits weird I'm violented. Like he's annoying me. I find the "grossed out" feeling is specifically strong when he's not there and I'm cringing at past things. Like him making a face after taking a bong rip or when he gagging for one second after taking a shot. Why tf is that bothering me. He's literally no different. Still super loving and affectionate and he's back to being groomed so he looks fucking fine. I still love this guy and when I REALLY think about it and I picture him honestly in my mind's eye I love him so much. But Jesus Christ why is he making me cringe so much more. Anyone else experience this with their partner? Is it cause of the time apart? I really hope it's temporary
TLDR; my boyfriend gives me content unexplainable ick after getting back from a 2 week trip

​

Synchronicity, Prolepsis, and the Kali Yuga

I've never been big on spiritual beliefs but one thing I do hold to is that there are no coincidences. Everything happens for a reason, Anna sells her soul and then this happens. It's no coincidence. and I often find some of the most inexplicable events happening to me. Such as finding my partner the very next day after this happened. Of all people.
I already said what's going to happen, I've always had a knack for telling the future. Although this is a bit different. Typically I try to keep things to myself. I don't believe in manifestation, but you can never be too careful about retrocausality. Even knowing how things will turn out doesn't change what I want to happen. It doesn't get rid of the hope that I can change things for a different outcome. But now I know the truth is fatalism. All the signs are there for me. I was born to do this.
Oikeosis is under attack. Appropriation of the human soul itself has been appropriated by multiconglomerate entities. Everything is so self interested nowadays that any semblance of 'good' has been lost. There is nothing good left in this world. Our society is deeply evil. Even the institutions that traditionally were right and virtuous have been spoiled. Education teaches us lies about people and about history. Charity is all around a source of embezzlement.
We rape the earth for her resources and still want more. The function of capitalism is infinite growth on a finite planet. An equation begging to rip itself apart. Alienation runs rampant, from our careers and relationships, law and money, down to where our food comes from and how our transportation works. I believe the bank of souls has ran dry and most people are born without souls. They do not think for themselves, they do not seek anything other than base animalistic desires. Anything that contests their pre-programmed worldview given to them by school and the media can't even be considered. This is why they are so easy to control. There is no place for eudaimonia in a world completely paved over with concrete, walked by people who never look up and say more than the automatic pleasantry to each other.
I can see the future, my life will amount to no more than a drop. In another reality maybe eventually we could gather an ocean from these drops. But the fires of Armageddon already rage on and drops just evaporate in the flames.

I'm Made of Cold Stone, Just Like Your Prison Walls

So how has life been? Everything is fucked, I'm ready to just blow my brains out. I'm just waiting for them to dare me and if they don't I can't keep this up much longer anyway.
Everyone wants to 'help me'. They don't want to help me. They want to say I'm the problem. Because they could never be, of course...
My psych just wants to sedate me. Doctor just wants to keep me locked up, but that would never last. Anger Management agrees with everything I say and suggests I just lie down and take it. No one is telling me I'm wrong. Then why can't anyone fix this.....
I knew since the beginning that I was just biding time. There was never any escape from this. And what would be the point in going on anyway. Even zooming out from my personal problems. This world is fucked. I don't want to be here. Public enemy #1, they can come kill me whenever they want. There's nothing left here for me except to take the walls down with me.

My biggest fan, now my biggest critic. I told you leaving it alone wouldn't help you any.

One worldview says: Coca-Cola is the product. I am the buyer. The grocery store is the seller. Another worldview says: The media is the seller. Coca-Cola is the buyer. I am the product.
It’s a vicious cycle. I think a lot about these things. I spent countless nights and days trying to figure everything out. Almost as if it’s my job. With everything that’s going on and all the variables that are involved, the World will continue on its path of destruction. No person, no group of people, no book, not even a documentary will stimulate any kind of action from the masses. I hate hearing people say that people need to “wake” up. Like seriously everybody knows what’s going on in the World. We might not know the exact details of their doings but it’s in our nature to be curious. Everybody knows what’s going on. We just can't do anything about it. The programming was successful. Their system is basically bulletproof. The pawns run the show and get the fame and blame but the real shot-callers remain hidden and unknown. The reason for this Global brain fart that the population of this world is that most people refuse to understand that this is a spiritual battle just as much as a physical one. They are scheming behind closed doors day and night trying to find different ways to enslave us further. At the same time, we run around like chickens trying to live without taking responsibility for the selfish and entertainment-oriented trajectory that the world is going in. BUY. CONSUME. OBEY. CONFORM.

Fuck The Police, but not like my cunt ex fiance does

I have no intention of ever letting a cop ever come within spitting distance of me again. I am fully ready to die. And as I said at one point. I've found the power to act even from the grave indefinitely anyways.
I'm playing by my own rules. Justice prevails or it dies trying. You don't get to make up wildly false one sided stories with absolutely no evidence and ruin my life without consequence.
I have half a mind to stop complying with this circus theatre they call a court and have them come at me. Honestly, it legit might not even be a choice because they've fucked me over so bad. I literally won't be able to do it.
I've never really wanted to kill myself. It's just the only escape. The freedom they can never take from me. I don't want to hurt people. I'm just acting in self defense, and cops aren't people. They gave up their humanity when they sold their soul to the state.

So Long And Thanks For All The Fish

I think this is finally it. She let me go, and now I can end it all without worrying about her.
All I have left in the world is material possessions. Mom brought all my stuff down from back home. I surmise that she knew she was in the wrong and had to make herself feel less guilty. I never really cared about stuff. I've lost so much stuff. I just wanted the people to stay... Now I gotta hastily figure out what I'm doing with this shit. It's not fair to leave it all with the roommates.
They've ruined my entire life, I don't even remember what happiness really felt like. Contentment. Hope for the future. I live in a constant state of paranoia, traumatized by what they've done to me, and unable to function even to keep myself together.
It's not just a breakup. I was handling the breakup just fine. It was when she came back assaulted me, played victim, and crushed me into the dust with the help of the state. Oh but I need to let it go. I need to forgive them. Why am I reacting so horribly?.. I hate you people. The reason Natasha is still on my shitlist 7 years later is that it still gets brought up. And it's not me who brings it up, and it's hindered my life. I'm reminded of it every time I see the scar on my eyebrow in the mirror... I bet it never gets brought up for her. Oh how easy it must be, that's why they needed to play the victim and not emotionally abusive cheating life ruiner. I bet they'll even pretend they're 'traumatized'. Ha, what a joke.
*shrug shoulders* "Yeah that must suck, I feel for you, system is corrupt, now pay another $100"
I could start ending them with the flip of switch and no one could honestly call it anything but justice.
Walk in and just ruin a relationship on the spot and label someone a criminal without any evidence. Nobody asked them to do that. They had to subpoena her into court. I could forgive those bitches if they hadn't shut me down as if this was all they ever wanted. But I could never forgive the piece of shit government and its negligent damage to my life. You might hear later what I had been pondering for them. 'Never forget' levels of damage to the country... I think just releasing that video could be enough to make them store that shit somewhere else. I just want to quit though. A year of prep is a year of suffering and we'll all be dust soon anyway.
And the other false accusations I've had to fight... Cops never arrested anyone for a crime against ME. Even when I lock myself in a room and call them I end up getting arrested. How bout that... How the fuck could I ever respect a badge after what I've been through? It's literally the flag of the enemy. Anna knew about all of it, that's why it was so easy for her.
My career is pretty much over, My life is permanently disabled, My psyche is perpetually fucked. And they just get to blame me, act like it's deserved, as if I made the first slight. This is rock bottom. I can't cry anymore, I don't even feel sad. The colour has come back to the world. That's why I know it's time for final goodbyes. Another day in the life and I can't take it anymore.
Love you all, take care of yourselves. Vids on the 1st.
Peace.

Attempt 4, 5, and Plan B

Going out quietly didn't work, I tried twice. The gas chamber just takes too long I guess. I ended up getting myself Baker acted. The same cop who started all of this is the one who brought me to the hospital. I know where to find him...
I never told anyone about Attempt 1 and 3. The problem with all this is wanting to go out peacefully. I've already experienced so much pain and suffering and mental torment... I can handle whatever it takes for this to be over. And yes Anna, 3 happened when you were playing with me early on.
I truly have nothing left. I'm going to make sure I die this time.
You can only kick a dog so many times before it bites back. I never wanted any of this I wish things could go back to being good. I miss happy... having future plans. I just want to stop suffering and make sure this never happens again. Why is it so hard to just go quietly? Why can't I just have a normal life?
Even the Doctor agreed with everything I said. The same Doc from my accidental OD a month ago. Medication won't help this. Therapy won't help this. Keeping me locked up was only making it worse. I'm just fucked. Rock bottom.
My dreams have become less traumatic and feel more like my life flashing before my eyes. Everyone is there, reliving the good moments, bad moments. I've been sleeping more than I've been awake the last week and I'm still tired. Just sitting in Hell's waiting room.

Half God, Half Devil

When you do monstrous things to a person, you turn them into a monster. Studies have confirmed this on various levels. People who suffer child abuse and sexual abuse are more likely to end up abusers themselves. Most of the people who have done terrible things aren't just crazy. In fact some of the biggest most memorable events are not the work of some common psychopath, but of highly intelligent people pushed too far.
I feel like I'm out of a loop. Is she still trying to minimize things for me I wonder. I would repay the favor if I knew. I think my report speaks for itself. Perhaps I'm gaining some notoriety here. Make a Deputy stop dead in his tracks. Make an officer say he doesn't want to escalate things, just clearing the park. I don't even need to act 'belligerent'. Cool and collected is more concerning. Maybe they know being in spitting distance there's a chance they will get spit on. Remember, I'm not the one knocking on YOUR door.
I don't think there's any saving me. I don't deserve this life they've left me. I know something here has got to give.
I miss being able to call myself a good person. Giving strangers rides, taking people in, doing altruistic deeds... Caring about the environment, caring about the struggle, and warring evil with reason... I miss family, and love that would go to the ends of the earth... Being a intellectual, being a potential mover for society...
But this is all I'm left with. A blog on reddit. And being a twitch away from death.

I Hate This

I suppose I should write an update about how things are going.
Nothing has been deleted really. I've backed up everything to several different places and given access to someone I trust. I haven't actually posted any of that. I was in the hospital at the time. I really thought she would send the kill squad for that for a while.
Anna may not know it but she got her white women trial against me. "Did you threaten a government building?" Result... nothing significant. Btw the answer is no, I had planned to gas myself.
I have the desire to die and haven't been able to do it. I guess at a certain level I've been antagonizing the man to come get me, make it easy. But they still haven't come and my condition has continued to deteriorate.
I know she'll never sit down with me like Natasha did. And my mom can't go 2 seconds without accusing me and shrugging off responsibility. All my backup resources and all my support, gone in a flash. Never to return. I am truly alone besides my psychopathic friend I've come to rely on.
I've been in some shit situations and this is still the worst experience I've ever had. And it just doesn't end. They left me here, and they'll blame me for the consequences.
I know I can make the man kill me. Twice I've been a twitch away from death. And twice I've had everything ready to exit the car and enter the building. They keep tabs on me. I keep a list of where the judge lives, the prosecutor, the cops, and her... Ah but see it's 'crazy' when I do it. It's 'crazy' to find out where your enemies sleep when they harass you with the knowledge they have about you. It's not crazy for them to stalk me in the cul-de-sac... Stalk me at work... I've actually seen her a couple times. I've seen my dog too... I miss Cleo. The dog hairs are still everywhere...
I guess I'm still holding onto some hope that things could get better. But logically I know there is no fixing this. It just gets worse. It only gets worse...
Either I hold out for something big. Or settle for what's already certain. Or maybe something will come save me... Wishful thinking I'm sure.
Maybe I can just shoot myself. I don't want this. and I don't want to die. But those are the only two options.
I often find myself thinking about things... I think I've relived my whole life in the last several months. I miss the freedom I had as a kid. I miss the love I felt as a teenager. The drive I had gained after my attempt. I miss the progress I had made on my career and mental health before this happened...
Now, as I said, all that makes me get out of bed and not go postal yet is pure spite and the knowledge that I can do so much more damage if I hold out just one more day, week, month, year... It's been holding true so far. I would scare my past self, and he's no softie.
When does this end. When do I get to return to normal? Never? Fine... They can only blame themselves.
I know they'll never hold her accountable for what she did. But at least I can stop taking the punishment for things I never did. And send a message while I'm at it...
"I don't want to talk to you right now" Just like her to say that and then never talk to me again... Don't want to talk to me because she lead me on and used me like a stepping stone before turning around and crushing everything I had going...
It never leaves my mind. The state is my enemy. And I have no other choices left.

It's been a while!
It's so weird reading my past posts on here and thinking of my process of growing and healing. It really feels like that light at the end of the tunnel is a bit closer.
I still have that job I mentioned, and it's pretty cool. I got a raise! Sure, it's only $500 a year raise, but that's still pretty neat! I have a HUGE project coming up soon, and I'm excited to start it up.
I decided to try for my Masters degree. I want to help people, and having only a bachelor's degree won't get me where I need to be. Plus, it will be nice so I can be a professor or math teacher in my waning years since older software engineers have a low hire rate.
Lastly, my relationship. I've been with this person for coming on 5 months now, and they've changed my life. They're so polite and sweet and patient. I know it's a red flag, but early in the relationship, I found myself growing distant because I feared we were falling apart, and I apologized to them for it and explained simply that I had some trauma I'm still working through. They took it in stride, and now I find myself smiling at the thought of them coming over two times this week rather than once.
I've discovered I have a bit of an aversion to the words "I Love You." I know that I'm definitely more than just a crush at this point, but I'm afraid that saying it out loud will jinx me. For a year after my first breakup, I've told 3 women I love them, including the original girlfriend, and all three broke me in some regard. I hope I get over it soon because when I hug my SO, I just want to squeeze tighter than ever before. If that isn't a symptom of love, then I don't know what is.
Good news! My best friend (and former roommate) and I decided to look for an apartment together! We both can afford small apartments, but together we can rent a 3 bedroom house in our area! Soon, I'll be on my own finally. With a friend I consider a brother and my renewed romantic spark, I'm not sure how my heart will grow to hold all the love.
So very soon, I'll be bathed in the light of a new dawn. I tremble sometimes at the excitement of a new Era in my life. A golden age for me, where my mind and body will be in harmony more than ever.
I'll keep this account posted, though I may transfer all the blogs here to another account I have access to since I used a temporary email for this account.

Hi all. To preface, my boyfriend Dan and I have been dating for nearly two years and have been living together for over a year. I decided to move in with him to get away from my toxic family and because rent where he lives is extremely cheap. However, the reason that his rent was very cheap was because his landlords were his grandparents. And unfortunately, it turns out that his grandparents and his entire family are just as toxic. I discovered this too late and am financially unable to move elsewhere.
The way that Dan’s family is toxic is that they often expect a lot from me and enjoy blaming me for all of Dan’s perceived “failures”. For example, in February, I took Dan on a birthday trip to Universal Studios and ended up spending over 1300 dollars on the whole trip. When his mom found out, she yelled at him (in front of me) about how I should have put that money towards his college tuition instead because “that’s what a woman does for a man”. About a year ago, Dan was admitted into the hospital for 3 days due to his anemia and kidney disease. I found out later that Dan had to convince his grandparents not to evict me from the apartment because they felt that I was the cause of his condition (he has been suffering from these conditions since he was 15). Lastly, about a year ago, Dan decided to get into motorcycling. When his mom found out, he yelled at him over the phone (again, while I was there) that it would be my fault if he got into an accident for “not talking him out of it”.
There are more examples of these incidents but these three are the ones that have stuck with me the most. I try to talk to Dan about it, and it always ends with him saying, “let me deal with my family on my own terms”. But nothing changes! I’m at my wits end here and desperately need advice and help.
TLDR: My boyfriend’s family is extremely toxic, controlling, and overbearing and I am unable to get away from them. My boyfriend also continuously avoids confronting them or doing anything about it. Help!