https://voca.ro/15fYPPYfvpHm
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Here's what I heard. Could you please check if it is correct and fill in what I couldn't figure out? Thank you so much!!
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A: I’ve never heard that term before. It’s a first for me. I assume she means she wants to look a certain way... If this person.. Let’s say if she’s a Pilates instructor maybe she??? always wearing her yoga pants or something.
So I don’t know who the interviewee is I think that would shed some light on what she’s talking about. Let’s say she’s a runway fashion model, and she’s having an interview, and if she says ‘I’m always in a look’, that might be just saying that she’s always wearing fashional clothes.
B: So it’s not a common phrase or something?
A: I’ve never heard it in my life. and I’m very up to date with pop culture, I think.
B: Fair enough. Thank you.

Hello, my sister is looking to buy a furniture site, but would like help evaluating whether it would be a good purchase or not. Are there any experts/consultants who could help a first-timer?
Background:

• The furniture is differentiated and has a strong customer base (10K IG followers, 4K email list)
• The sales price is a good deal, but further investment would be required to grow the store
• The current owner is storing/fulfilling/shipping in-house my sister would like to explore whether a 3P service would be easiecheaper
• The sales volumes are declining, but we believe we could increase this as my sister is a marketer

Any advice/recommendations is appreciated!

​
After Franz boarded the aircraft and was sent to a facility to be interrogated the women in a fancy coat known as Senator Jil’adamas asked her daughter who’s the District Commander of this region.
“(What are the losses?)”
District Commander Zara replied nervously
“(The medics just checked all of them are unconscious with some suffering from broken bones and internal burns from the electrical weapon, a few days of medical bath would fix any damage done)”
“(Good, if one of them died it would be a stain on my reputation)”
‘She and her goddess damned reputation’ District Commander Zara thought dissatisfied that her mother only cares about reputation
“(Say Zara)”
“(Yes mother?)”
“(You still haven’t found a mate yet have you?)”
‘Oh goddess no!’ Zara screamed internally as the last thing she wants is to become a political bargaining chip.
“(Mother I’ve been looking up male candidates but I just haven’t been able to find the right one yet)”
“(Really now?)” The former said as she reviews the information they have so far on the individual they have just captured.
In particular she’s eyeing the reports saying that he’s speaking an unknown language.
There’s also strong evidence that he might be from a new undiscovered species.
—————————————— Later
After landing Franz was lead to a room, right now he’s assisting Cre’taxsian scientists in making a translation software to communicate.
Much of what he does is being shown pictures/videos and saying what he thinks they mean.
Of course that’s easier said than done as some times he would be shown stuff that he simply has no idea about.
Like no matter how many photos of these thingy mabob there won’t be an English equivalent.
He’s being shown a crystal but it’s not a crystal the scientist we’re adamant about it.
‘Dude what the hell is that even?’ Franz was baffled as he’s being shown various devices with a “not crystal” below it.
With still pictures failing to get through to him, they then showed him a video of how’s these “not crystals” are made.
While it’s interesting and the production process seems complicated but no matter if it’s cut or whatever there’s simply no fucking English equivalent!
It isn’t until they showed him a video of these crystals being inserted into a device and the device started moving that it finally clicked for Franz.
‘Ohhhhh these must be computer chips or their equivalent of it’
Like obviously aliens wouldn’t be using the same technologies as humans on earth.
In fact they seems to be using photons computers instead of the electrical computers that humans are using.
Like closet thing he knows to their technology is Fiber Optic cables.
With a bit of thinking he finally spoke to the scientist showing him videos of what these things do
“crystal chip”
……. …. ..
The scientist’s eye twitches
Then she showed a different type of “crystal chip” she emphasized that this chip has a different function than the last one but to Franz it’s pretty much just a “crystal chip” with a different color.
‘Maybe like the difference between graphics card and CPU?’ He wondered before just saying “blue crystal chip”
To which a vine visibly bulges on her forehead and Franz can hear laughing noises from outside the interrogation room, undoubtedly there is probably an army of staff outside working alongside her helping and giving suggestions.
She coughs before moving onto a different field as he just demonstrated that computers are not his specialty, she whispers into the coms before deciding to go to a more familiar field.
She then pulls up another picture
(It’s not strange for aliens to use a different format of the periodic table, look up alternative periodic table formats)
‘What’s this supposed to be?’ Franz wondered
Then the Scientist pointed to the center and said
“(Hydrogen)”
She then pulls up a 3D model of a ball and circling that ball is a smaller ball.
She pulls up another picture of a giant explosion in the middle of space. Then she shows a vast gas clouds as the aftermath begins of the giant explosion.
She then shows the vast gas clouds in space slowly coalescing into a stagas giant.
She rewinds the video points to the gas clouds and said “(hydrogen)”
At this point Franz naturally knows what’s she’s referring to and said “hydrogen”
With that the rest of the elements went smoothly as Franz liked chemistry and physics when he was in high school.
Although Franz is bewildered by the fact that they didn’t go pass Rubidium atomic number 37. Even their periodic table doesn’t show anything pass Rubdium.
After the basics vocabulary’s of objects they then move into actions, this part was especially torturous.
Imagine playing charades but you have no idea if you’ve guessed right on the word they’re trying to convey.
After a few growling days charades, they’ve finally have something workable.
Confident that they now have gathered enough word samples the scientific team decided to try out their new software.
“What you name?”
‘They speak like the Chinese in China town back home’ Franz thought before responding
“Franz”
With his response Franz can hear cheering from outside the room, Franz didn’t give his full name as it’ll needlessly complicate things.
Like they can barely speak but you’re ganna throw your full name at them?
“What you race?”
“Human”
“What you gender?”
“Male”
“What you from?”
At that question Franz frowns as the software obviously still needs a lot of work but it’s still intelligible enough to be understood as “where are you from?”
“Earth”
“What Earth from?”
‘You mean where is Earth right?’ Franz wondered
“Not Know” he replied using the same shitty English as they do, not that he recalls giving them the vocabulary for “don’t”
At his reply the scientist frowns not quite believing that he doesn’t know where his home world is.
Even so she moves on to the next question which is the most important one
“What you explode?”
“What?” Franz replied not quite understanding the question
The scientists then showed a picture of a crater where Franz first appeared on this world.
“What you explode?” She asked again as she plays a video of an explosion in town center before a figure that looks like him crawling out of the crater.
‘Why did you detonate an explosive? or is it what explosive did you use?’ Well on both cases he’s being accused of being a terrorist
Well that seems like undeniable proof that he’s responsible for the explosion but in actuality he isn’t! He was just disarming a bomb according to a bomb expert and before he knows it he’s crawling out of a crater and into this devil infested world!
But what’s he ganna say? I didn’t do while a video of him crawling out of ground zero is being played?!
No! He has to be creative with this one!
“I not explode”
The scientist’s eye brow raised with his claim, Franz then took out his smartphone and brought up the cam footage of him trying to disarm an explosive attached to a gram of anti-matter there was a bright flash of light and next thing you know he’s in the middle of a crater.
He showed it to the scientist, that peaked the scientist’s interest
“Again” she demands while pointing to his iphone
Franz the replayed the video and she then points towards the large device the bomb was strapped to.
“What that device?”
‘God if I know’ Franz thought before muttering “teleportation device”
The scientists frowns as the word “teleportation” is not within the list of vocabulary they got so far.
“Travel device” seeing that she doesn’t get it Franz uses another term that’s a close approximation of what he wants to say that they know.
Franz is making shit up right now as he doesn’t actually know what that device is, but it’s better then saying “I don’t know how I got here and that explosion is not my fault”
The scientists frowns making a note to ask about it again after they have a better translation on his language.
She points to the jar that’s magnetically confining a gram of pure anti-matter.
“Anti-matter”
She frowns again
“Not matter” Franz tried to switch out the word “anti” with “not” but unfortunately they also didn’t have the word for “matter” within their narrow lists of translated words.
“Not atoms”
They know the word for “Not” and “atoms” but can they figure out its anti-matter?
…..
After a bit of thinking there was still a frown so the answer to is a big NO.
“Periodic Table” Franz then gestures to the wall
The scientists did as he said and shows their version of periodic table on the wall.
Franz then gestures to all of elements within it and said “Matter”
….
The scientist still doesn’t seem to get it
Franz then points to the hydrogen and said “hydrogen wall”
The scientists projects a 3D model of a hydrogen.
Then he gestures for the electrons to spin in reverse and said “anti-Hydrogen”
Then he makes a fist saying “hydrogen” and another fist saying “anti-hydrogen”
He brought both fist together and said “explosion”
Franz brings up the image of the jar of anti-matter and said “anti-hydrogen”
It is only then that it finally clicked to the scientist of what she has heard, she quickly went out to talk with her team who’s were listening in to the conversation.
“(Oh my goddess! Did he just say what I think he’s trying to say!)”
“(His race must be insane to be playing with anti-matter!)”
“(Just my kind of crazy)” one of the single scientist who desperately looking for a mate said
“(Oh you dirty dirty bitch)” her friend quips
“(These degenerates !)” the head scientist yells out as normally her team is quite professional but as soon as a male is brought in they devolve into a bunch of horny degenerates!
Franz didn’t know what they’re saying but it’s gotten very rowdy outside.
—————————————————— After a few more days of charades and adding more words to the database the science team again feels that they should redo the interrogation.
“We have improved the translation and hope that you can answer us again” the scientists said
‘It sure is a lot better then the last time’ Franz thought before replying
“Sure what do you want to know?”
“First thing first who are you?”
“I’m Franz full name is Francis Alexander Zimmerman, I’m a Security Specialist”
She raised her eye brow at the information she’s given as she notes down something in her crystal data pad.
“So what does a Security Specialist do?
“I Specialized in Security be it escorting clients, protecting important facilities to disarming dangerous explosives”
The part about disarming explosives is pure BS he’s just overselling himself to get a bit of negotiating leverage.
“(Baby I want to hire you to guard our nest)”
Franz could hear a bit of commotion outside and someone whistling
Hearing what was said a vain bulge as the head scientist scolded them over the coms.
She scolded them in their weird alien language so Franz has no idea what was being said but judging by her tone it’s probably full of expletives.
After the scolding the head turns back to Franz and smiles before continuing where they left off as if what had transpired didn’t happen
“So tell me which race are you?”
“We call ourselves Human or in our academic terms we refer to ourselves as Homo Sapients or Wise People”
“I see interesting, this is our first time coming across your species so can you tell us where we can contact your people so that we can start diplomatic relations?”
“I’m afraid I can’t help you with that as I’ve got no clue as to where I’m currently at”
At Franz’s reply the scientists shows a galactic map to him.
“Unfortunately I’m not educated in Astronomy the study of stars so I can’t help you in that matter”
The Cre’taxsian scientist doesn’t quite believe in what he says but she lets it pass before asking something that has her own personal interest in it.
“So how did you arrive here?”
“I arrived here when I was disarming an explosive device attached to one of the experimental devices in the Lab I was responsible for”
“Can you tell me more about the experimental device?”
“I’m under oath of non-disclosure, I can only tell you is that it was teleportation research and it involved the use of anti-matter”
The scientist clicks her tongue as she really wants to know more about it, unfortunately for her it was all BullShit as Franz himself has no ideas what they were researching, he just made it to explain how he got here.
“Your people must be pretty insane to be using that for experiments”
“It is not my place to question”
“Moving on some of my staff has taken interest in some of your devices can you hand them over to be examine?”
“I’ll humbly decline” while Earth’s technology isn’t as advanced as the technology here but it’s one of the few assets he has that is of some research value.
Like he’s not ganna just give away one of the few valuable things he owns for free, what is he? Insane!?
The scientist clicks her tongue some more she then moves onto the next question
“Can you tell me more about your people?”
“This is my species first time coming into contact with your species so I would like to know more about your species before sharing my own”
‘Information is always important’ Franz thought as he stranded in an alien land with no way home, he gotta make the most of the resources he has.
He doesn’t want to give away valuable information that he would learn that he could have traded it for something valuable.

Greetings Redditors, Simply put: it bothers me that my girlfriend has a relationship with her ex. My hope is that I can gather some outside insight about the situation. We have been dating for half a year now and things are going, for the most part, remarkably well. I could list all the things I love about her, but that's beside the point. My concern about their relationship is this: the guy is an alcoholic who cheated on her repeatedly and who clearly still loves her. When we first started dating, for example, he would call her drunk at 3am on week nights and once texted her to know "who was fucking her." I appreciate her being transparent and letting me know about these incidents and, in principle, I have no issue with someone being on friendly terms with their ex. After all, they loved each other once. However, I don't exactly feel comfortable with it and I have said as much to my girlfriend when she planned to visit him for "lunch" a few weeks ago. I put this in quotations because when it was first said to me it was framed as such, but after talking to her she said that she was simply going over to her old house (where he still lives) to sort through some things she has stored there. The shift in her description of her plans bothered me, but it's perfectly fair if that's what she was going over there for. What bothered me beyond this shift, too, was that it was the second time she had seen him in two weeks. Previously, she had only seen him maybe twice during the entire relationship to drop off her dog so he could spend time with her ex's dog (they owned the two together). This first time she simply dropped them off. No big deal. The second time she brought her dog over and did laundry and watched tv while the cycle was on. The tv bit made me uncomfortable, but I chalked that up to my insecurity. Again, fair, and I thought nothing of it past this very temporary feeling. When she went to see him (now under the pretense that she could sort through things and the dogs could see each other) two weeks later, however, I felt uncomfortable. It would be different if she was social, but she's not at all (she's seen friends a grand total of one time since we've been together). While she's a perfectly friendly and socially competent person, she simply works hard and is very tired often (she teaches at an urban school). But the frequency didn't sit well with me. To sort out my feelings I smoked some weed (which I do very infrequently) and started feeling anxious/neurotic, so I texted a good friend to assess my feelings before I spoke to my girlfriend about it. My friend's perspective was that seeing him was "enabling" and that she was "using the dogs to stay close to her." Essentially: my gf wants his time and he's getting it. My friend is pretty jaded from her previous marriage so I took that with a grain of salt, but it still seemed like a fair point. She said that if I brought it up with my girlfriend, her response was going to be a "fit of rage" if she was clueless about how it might be enabling or caginess if she was aware. Her prediction was remarkably accurate: she became upset and essentially tried to portray everything as a "me" issue. I didn't like it all being pinned on some psychological defect of mine, but the response was vaguely reassuring. I genuinely think she was clueless and, after the conversation, I felt better about the situation. I trust her (and maybe this is ultimately the bottom line). I just think her attitude is somewhat naive. If she wanted to get back in that relationship, why wouldn't she simply do that? The last thing I want is to be viewed as is insecure/dependent/needy/clingy/controlling/etc. That's not a good dynamic in a relationship. Knowing that I'm even remotely seen like that makes me feel pathetic. Not a good look. I'm still bothered by the situation (though to a lesser extent) and I was hoping to hear some responses to it. Additionally, any insight into how to navigate being seen as insecure, etc. would be appreciated.

For context, I am a 19 year old female who just finished her first semester of college. Since this post is about money, I also have to add that my parents are wealthy because my dad owns several companies.
I went to a boarding school from ages 14-18, and my dad would give me $150 per month to pay for school supplies, toiletries, snacks, and other things for my dorm room.
After I graduated high school, my dad declined to increase my allowance even though the monthly expenses in college are so much more. He said that if I want more money, I have to earn it myself. So that summer, I got a full time job at a business that belonged to a family friend, and he was kind enough to drive me to and from work every day since I didn’t have my driver’s license yet. I limited my spending during the summer so that I could make my savings last all year in college. It was stressful, but it worked.
Now that I’ve been back home for about 2 weeks, I’m broke and I have $6 left in my bank account.
Recently my dad sat me down and told me that he would be ending my allowance. The reason is that I am not doing enough house chores and I’m not helping my mom take care of my 87 year old grandmother enough. I would have been happy to help, but they never asked me to. They just expected me to volunteer. My dad says that my behavior shows my lack of appreciation for my parents and that it would be unfair to keep paying me if I’m acting like this.
I registered for summer classes a while back so I wouldn’t fall behind in my college credits, and the classes start about 1 month after the spring semester ended. I had originally planned to use the 1 month break to relax because college makes me very burnt out, and for the rest of summer I was just going to focus on my studies and rely on the $150/month from my dad. When I told my parents this, they said that it was unacceptable to waste a month of my summer doing nothing. They made it seem like I was crazy to think I can just not work all summer. When I brought up the allowance, they said, “you cannot expect us to help you if you are unwilling to help yourself.”
My dad wants me to use this time to work at one of his companies full time (40 hrs a week), which I have been doing for a bit because I’m too afraid to tell him no. Even though my dad helped me get my driver’s license last august, my parents made no arrangements for me to drive one of their four cars, so I can’t drive. I didn’t get to choose my hours of availability for work because I have to ride with my dad to the office at 8am every day. And every day I have to ask around for someone who is available to give me a ride home after my shift is over. I told him I want to work part time so I can focus on applying for scholarships & have more free time but he said “No, don’t sell yourself short.” He wants me to continue working part time when classes start.
So they expect me to hold down a job while taking rigorous courses with no financial support from them and no car. Am I wrong for thinking this is unreasonable?

Hello,
I started to learn C++. For some reason I found that I like it's appliactions and the way how language feels to me. I know it's not easiest language, but I guess it could teach me more technical knowledge than some suggested beginner languages. Anyways I don't want to roadmap for learning or resources fot basics, I can for sure search various subreddits and see there many examples and suggestions
What I would like to get advice is what to do after learning basics in order to me efficient with my learning as much as I can. It's not my first language exactly I started learning programming with Go, but this got me really on basics of programming, but I remember I had for a short time mentor who is senior and he helped me hugely with task what to work on and with my stupid questions. But it was for only short period of time. In C++ and it's community is common find some mentors? Are they usually payed or also for free?
I guess working on projects could help too, but what if I don't know yet what level of projects to choose wisely? Is good idea to look into GitHub codebases at bigger projects to get a idea how software is build? How classes, functions and files are putted together and interacting with each other as parts of the puzzles that makes working software?
I'm not interested in game development. I don't know for sure yet which exact area I would dive deep into. I guess it's good to try more of them. But for now I think it would be interesting learn how to build software for some simulation software or critical software for flights or aerospace or hardware (for example Nvidia has a lot of job postings where they require C++, what kind of C++ they are using and how can I learn that?)
Just in general how to cross that gap between knowing syntax and some basics features of language to a be able to build some simple software in these mentioned areas. Sorry if question sound stupid, but that's best for now as I can ask it
Thank you

 There’s nothing better than getting to handgag your crush. That’s exactly what I did. Hallie was a girl I went to school with who I had the absolute biggest crush on. At the time she was a short shy girl with doe like eyes, caramel brown skin and who always wore clothes that complimented her breast and cleavage. I had always thought about how she would look handgagged and would get turned on at just the thought of it. I had forgotten all about Hallie until I saw her again on Instagram. She posted a video of her at a party and all of a sudden those feelings came right back. I knew the opportunity would never happen because she was states away and long gone from me. But the thought still entertained me. Occasionally I would have dreams of handgagging her and watching her being handgagged by someone else. With her being shy, in all my dreams she never fought it, and just let it happen. Eventually I thought “I need to find a way to see this girl handgagged” I’ll spare the details, but by absolute fate and by my luck, she was in town! I couldn’t believe it. I hit her up immediately to catch up and chat. (Of course not telling her my plan of handgagging her) The first time I went for it she looked confused and nervous, as I caught her off guard. But as the night went on, she grew numb to the feeling and just like my dream, let it happen. I recorded handgagging her many many times, and each time I would feel her lips touch my palm as I directed her head movement to my will. I instantly got turned on and would pull her in tighter against the wall to hide my boner. At one point she started getting annoyed and tried to fight it, but I didn’t care. She tried to remove my hand but I had her hands and arms in a deadlock behind her. She wasn’t getting out. Unable to scream or call out for help, she once again shrugged and just let it happen. Her cheeks bulged out the tighter I reeled her in and I just couldn’t let the moment go. Eventually she grew numb to it again and started enjoying it. Laughing at the ordeal as I would cover her mouth again. I would bring her and move her closer to the camera to let her tits show and show how tight the handgag was. When she started struggling, my pants were done for. I pulled her in even tighter and you can even see in one of the videos where she’s caught off guard by how tight I have her. After the handgagging sessions were done we went out and got dinner and went bowling. Joking about the whole ordeal. This girl had been on my bucket list for literal years, and I can’t believe how lucky I got to handgag her! I didn’t get to tie her up (a pity) but I did get it on camera😉 

Greetings Redditors, Simply put: it bothers me that my girlfriend has a relationship with her ex. My hope is that I can gather some outside insight about the situation. We have been dating for half a year now and things are going, for the most part, remarkably well. I could list all the things I love about her, but that's beside the point. My concern about their relationship is this: the guy is an alcoholic who cheated on her repeatedly and who clearly still loves her. When we first started dating, for example, he would call her drunk at 3am on week nights and once texted her to know "who was fucking her." I appreciate her being transparent and letting me know about these incidents and, in principle, I have no issue with someone being on friendly terms with their ex. After all, they loved each other once. However, I don't exactly feel comfortable with it and I have said as much to my girlfriend when she planned to visit him for "lunch" a few weeks ago. I put this in quotations because when it was first said to me it was framed as such, but after talking to her she said that she was simply going over to her old house (where he still lives) to sort through some things she has stored there. The shift in her description of her plans bothered me, but it's perfectly fair if that's what she was going over there for. What bothered me beyond this shift, too, was that it was the second time she had seen him in two weeks. Previously, she had only seen him maybe twice during the entire relationship to drop off her dog so he could spend time with her ex's dog (they owned the two together). This first time she simply dropped them off. No big deal. The second time she brought her dog over and did laundry and watched tv while the cycle was on. The tv bit made me uncomfortable, but I chalked that up to my insecurity. Again, fair, and I thought nothing of it past this very temporary feeling. When she went to see him (now under the pretense that she could sort through things and the dogs could see each other) two weeks later, however, I felt uncomfortable. It would be different if she was social, but she's not at all (she's seen friends a grand total of one time since we've been together). While she's a perfectly friendly and socially competent person, she simply works hard and is very tired often (she teaches at an urban school). But the frequency didn't sit well with me. To sort out my feelings I smoked some weed (which I do very infrequently) and started feeling anxious/neurotic, so I texted a good friend to assess my feelings before I spoke to my girlfriend about it. My friend's perspective was that seeing him was "enabling" and that she was "using the dogs to stay close to her." Essentially: my gf wants his time and he's getting it. My friend is pretty jaded from her previous marriage so I took that with a grain of salt, but it still seemed like a fair point. She said that if I brought it up with my girlfriend, her response was going to be a "fit of rage" if she was clueless about how it might be enabling or caginess if she was aware. Her prediction was remarkably accurate: she became upset and essentially tried to portray everything as a "me" issue. I didn't like it all being pinned on some psychological defect of mine, but the response was vaguely reassuring. I genuinely think she was clueless and, after the conversation, I felt better about the situation. I trust her (and maybe this is ultimately the bottom line). I just think her attitude is somewhat naive. If she wanted to get back in that relationship, why wouldn't she simply do that? The last thing I want is to be viewed as is insecure/dependent/needy/clingy/controlling/etc. That's not a good dynamic in a relationship. Knowing that I'm even remotely seen like that makes me feel pathetic. Not a good look. I'm still bothered by the situation (though to a lesser extent) and I was hoping to hear some responses to it. Additionally, any insight into how to navigate being seen as insecure, etc. would be appreciated.

hi all,
so i've taken my cat to the vet already, mostly curious about the ethics and potential future of our situation i guess.
we've had linda (6F), our first cat, since february. she's adjusted really nicely, but we thought she might want a friend to keep her company while we're at work. we got bindi (7F) in april, who seemed really friendly at the shelter. we noticed shortly after we got bindi that she had some respiratory issues, which we took her to the vet for. the vet started her on antibiotics and a lysine supplement. i'm almost done giving her the antibiotics, and nothing really has changed. bindi has sneezing fits daily and seems to wheeze a bit when she breathes. i'll continue giving her the lysine supplements, but i'm worried she has feline herpes (a friend of ours says her cat exhibits similar symptoms and has it).
i know herpes can be not that big of a deal, but i also read it effects cats differently. we've held off on fully introducing the two of them bc of these respiratory issues, so bindi's been isolated to one room and we don't really know how they vibe together yet.
am i putting linda at risk if i keep bindi and let them socialize? i'm considering re-homing bindi (she's a really friendly lap cat and i feel she'd find another home fast), but i don't want to do that to her if i don't have to.
i'm just really conflicted on the struggle of introducing them while i know bindi is sick, and if she does having something chronic, whether i should knowingly expose linda to that.
thanks in advance for any advice!

If I’d only followed my instincts, I’d never have boarded that doomed ship. When the Azure Seastar left port, its passengers were all alive, each with smart phones and watches and tablets, as well as the cruise ship’s own communications… yet not a single message was sent before it went missing! No distress call.
The fates of over a thousand passengers and crew remain unknown, with only a handful recovered from a lifeboat, days after the Seastar herself vanished. But the coast guard’s only statement on the lifeboat’s recovery was that “the passengers did not survive.” Rumors circulated about a “thermos full of eyeballs” and a “passenger whose mouth was stuffed full of severed fingers”—but these details have been denounced as lies, sensationalizing and capitalizing on a tragedy.
The official cause of the Seastar’s disappearance is a rogue wave. No survivors. No witnesses.
Well… one witness…
… but perhaps I shouldn’t tell. Better for the world if that ship stay lost forever!
The families of the missing, however, deserve the truth… which is why I am posting.
But first, a warning—the gruesome snippets I recounted above barely scratch the surface of the horror I am about to share, some of which I took part in. I wake screaming every night. I sleep with the lights on. I never enter darkened hallways or stairwells. And I do not ever shake hands. Although I’ve always had some quirks (the handshake one is an old habit), most of these are fresh, a consequence of my time aboard that doomed cruise ship. I do not intend to gloss over any details, but rather to give a complete accounting, including of my own involvement… so be forewarned.
And understand that my story is one of unimaginable horror.
***
To explain what really happened aboard the Seastar, I need to first tell a little about myself. Sorry, I know I’m like a bit of decorative wallpaper—just sort of there. But I see things.
It all started when I was very young (I do promise this is relevant). I didn’t want to swim in the community pool with my brother because the water was cloudy, hiding a shadowy figure in the deep end. I distinctly remember standing at the pool’s edge, crying inconsolably while my father urged, “Go on, jump in!”
My brother set the example, diving down to the bottom of the foggy water. When he came up, a silver dollar glinted in his fingers, which he dropped back into the pool before I could snatch it. “Oops! Guess you gotta dive for it!” He laughed, the sun shimmering off his sunburned shoulders. “Come on, there’s quarters down here, too!”
Diving for coins was a game we often played, so I plunged in after him, kicking my way down with my eyes squeezed shut. When my hands grazed the rough cement bottom, I patted around.
Silky hair tangled around my fingers like seaweed.
I forced my eyes open against the stinging chlorine—and shrieked.
Wide, empty eyes stared back at me from a bloated face.
When I shot to the surface, wailing about a dead woman in the water, other swimmers looked on, perplexed. My older brother tried to console me and swore there were nothing but coins.
He was correct—not until a week later would a woman drown in that pool, and sink to the bottom of the foggy water while swimmers unwittingly raced laps above her.
***
The next time I saw was when I threw a tantrum over my grandmother’s armchair. It smelled so bad I grabbed my nose and exclaimed, “Ewwww!”
My parents scolded me for my rudeness. Grandma occasionally struggled with incontinence, so for her chair to stink was, they assumed, the result of an accident. They thought I was exaggerating to make fun of her, but in the sweltering summer, the smell was truly unbearable—like rotting meat and diarrhea and cheap perfume all churned together. I threw such a fit we left, though Grandma insisted on hugging me despite my being an “awful brat.” Her skin was wrinkled, papery-thin and soft as silk, but despite the uncomfortable warmth of her apartment, her embrace was ice cold.
Less than a week later the call came. My grandmother had been found after a neighbor’s complaint about the smell…
She’d died in her chair.
***
But when the seeing really clicked was in my tween years, two separate incidents. The first was after a classmate of my brother’s pulled up in a car reeking of burnt meat, the interior charred and black. He stepped out of the car seeming not to notice that behind him, another version of him remained belted into the front seat, unrecognizable through the char beyond the glint of a gold chain melted into his neck. I burst into hysterical tears and screamed at my brother not to let him drive. The classmate laughed and called me a weirdo.
He crashed later that week.
The second incident began at a school function, where my brother chaperoned me. A man pulled up in the school drop-off zone—he was one of the more popular teachers, famous for his yearly pizza parties. In the car with him were two young kids. I can’t remember their names, just that the littlest boy was giggling and clinging to a toy T-rex when he hopped out. My brother and I were asked to help carry the party supplies and drinks from the teacher’s car. But the moment I opened the passenger door to grab a box, the reek of fetid pond water made my stomach lurch. I staggered back, clapping a hand to my nose and mouth.
“Hey! Everything all right?” the teacher asked.
My brother, no doubt remembering what happened to his classmate weeks earlier, took me aside.
“C-c-c-c-cold!” I burst to him. “D-dark! The smell! Like the rot in the bottom of a lake…”
While I wrung my hands and sniffled, my brother watched the two young kids follow the teacher into the school. He shook my shoulder and said, “Hey—hey, we’re going to save them.”
“How? No one ever believes me!”
“I believe you, Hope. Hey…” He gave me a squeeze and looked in my eyes. “‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers…”
What a dork. That line was from Emily Dickinson—my brother’s favorite quote for me for when I was upset. It was corny, but encouraged me.
A few minutes later, we were careening along backwoods roads in the teacher’s car. To this day, I don’t know how my brother got the keys. His plan was we’d stow the car in a garage for a couple weeks, long enough to outlast the vision, since my predictions always came true within about six days. But it hadn’t occurred to either of us how being inside the car would affect me. The damp and rot washed over my skin. COLD. Every hair on my body stood erect, floating as if underwater. I couldn’t breathe… gagging on the fetid water, I rolled down my window. Raindrops from outside pelted my face, and something… something clicked. A sudden terrible question. When I’d peered into the darkened interior, I hadn’t been able to see… who was inside the car?
“Hey,” my brother said, apparently struck by the same thought. “You’re not foreseeing our deaths, are you?”
I don’t know if it was fate that caused us to fishtail just as he spoke. But also he might have hit something, because there was a bump. All I know is suddenly we were flying, off the road and over the side toward a lake, and then plunging, and I snatched for his hand as the impact slammed us forward into the dashboard. Then the water wasn’t just in my mind. It was real. It was pouring in through the car window.
I fought, flailing. Unbuckled. Floundered through the half-open window. Luckily I was still small enough to get through, swimming up and breaking the surface.
“Cory!” I screamed. “CORY!!!”
But I knew already that my brother wasn’t coming up—his hand had been cold when I’d touched it.
***
Naturally, his death feels like my fault. Oh, in kinder moments I remember that I was a child, and try to forgive myself for letting him get behind that wheel. But for a time, I was driven by the fierce need to atone. I sought desperately to save even one life… ANY life. I’d see a body swaying from a beam in a construction site. Legs dangling from a trunk in the car on the highway ahead of me. A suitcase on sale in a luggage store, dripping blood. Every time I tried to prevent the death… only to fail or worse, cause it. Each loss drove home more deeply my shame, my failure… until eventually…
I gave up.
I don’t try to prevent the deaths anymore. These days I catch a whiff of that familiar sickly putrid scent, and I leave. I avoid human touch, especially handshakes.
I’ve truly become wallpaper. Able to see. Powerless to prevent.
My name, incidentally, is Cassandra… I changed it because I could no longer bear my birth name. If “Hope” is the thing with feathers, I was an angel of death, harbinger of doom to my brother and others. So instead I call myself after the Greek priestess doomed to foresee the future but never to be believed… unable to prevent even one single tragedy.
***
But let’s get back to the cruise. The missing passengers. The eyeballs in the thermos—oh, those grisly details! Mind you, once you know you can’t un-know, no matter how much you drink, or smoke, or however you drown your despair. Speaking of drowning, a month ago today, I hit the big 4-O. I celebrated my four decades of life by doing the one thing I’ve done consistently since I was old enough—drinking away my failures. Every icy grip. Every unheeded warning. And especially the times I’ve well and truly fucked up. Oh yes. Those are the ones that call for some hard forgetting.
I was on my second or seventh drink at my favorite bar when a voice exclaimed, “’Evening, friend!”
A woman with shimmering purple eyeliner and matching purple hair approached. It was the musician who often played there, Lily Tsuki. To be honest, she was the primary reason I frequented that bar, though we’d hardly spoken beyond my occasional compliments about her playing. She slid into the seat next to mine and clinked my glass.
“Roy at the bar told me it’s your fortieth. I see you in here once a week, always tipping well and drinking like you’re trying to drown yourself. Someone did something kind for me recently, so I’m trying to pass it on…” She fished a hand into her pocket, and to my surprise produced a gift card for a cruise. I didn’t catch all of her story in the noisy bar, but apparently, one of her admirers was very rich, always offering her gifts verging on inappropriate. After finding out she’d be playing on the Azure Seastar, said admirer sent her the card so she could spoil herself on the cruise. She didn’t feel comfortable accepting, so she gifted it to me. “… There’s enough on there to cover your fare. Don’t thank me—thank you, I needed to get rid of it. Enjoy your fortieth, friend!”
As she handed me the card, her fingers brushed mine.
Warm. Alive.
I mumbled my thanks, cheeks warm. Why? Because she chose me? Blushes! I’m an idiot.
Still, I was glowing, and not just because I was tipsy. Why not? I thought. Why not treat myself, this once? The Azure Seastar… it sounded like a dream. I’d go see Lily Tsuki play at the piano bar against the backdrop of a glimmering ocean. I’d drink under the stars. Get a tan. Get my sea legs! And every hand would be warm and every breath would taste of the summer breeze!
***
Nine decks (eleven including the crew-only levels). Over a thousand people. Pool, bars, restaurants, lounges, cafés, spa, cabaret—the Seastar truly was the Ritz Carlton on the water! I was absolutely giddy! Of course before the luxury came the wait—just like the airport, parking, luggage, ticketing, security. It was as I neared the entrance for ticketing, enjoying the summer breeze, that I caught traces of a sour odor… a whiff of decay… so faint beneath the car exhaust and the smell of the saltwater that I might have missed it, were I not so attuned to death. At port, it was likely some unfortunate animal packed into a shipping crate and decomposing. I’d even read horror stories of people, trafficked in sealed shipping containers and asphyxiating. That faint whiff made my insides curdle.
Then I was inside the air conditioned terminal, packed with passengers—and inhaling nothing but the blessed AC.
The check in was surprisingly quick. I followed the embarkation signs up the escalator to the terminal’s upper level, through the double glass doors, greeted on my right by printed images of pool decks and steaks and wine glasses. On my left, through the enormous paned wall of glass, the Seastar herself loomed. My God, she was enormous!
So many decks! So many balconies!
Then I squinted a little closer. What was that speck? A tiny figure, draped on a railing?
My heart dropped to my toes.
Something was horribly wrong.
The figure, small against the massive width of the ship… had no face. Only a torso and most of its arms. It had been decapitated, and dried blood spattered the rail.
My footsteps slowed. I pressed against the glass, eyes rapidly roving the rest of the ship. Was it just one…? One incidence of violence, or…
Perhaps I wasn’t seeing correctly. It was a stunt. A practical joke. A mannequin. I needed to get closer. I hurried along the terminal, joining the line out to the gangplank.
The bowl of the sky had turned deep purple, the sun lowering toward the horizon, and in the Seastar’s deep shadow, the temperature dropped. A sudden chill gripped me as I trotted out onto the gangplank. I sniffed. Sniffed again, more deeply.
Rot.
The same putrid odor I’d caught outside. A passenger ahead of me noticed me grabbing my nose, and remarked, “Not used to that ocean smell?” I did not respond, because now that I was close enough to see the ship more clearly, I noticed… cracked glass… broken panes in the sliding glass doors of the cabins… no! I gasped, sinking to my knees, and the passenger kindly leaned to help me up. As her hand seized mine—it was cold.
I jerked back so fast I actually collapsed into the passengers behind us—a mother and her daughter.
“Oh!” exclaimed the mother.
My hand brushed the daughter’s bare arm. Cold.
“Are you okay?” asked the daughter, a child of about twelve.
I crawled back from her, and another person, an elderly gentleman, leaned down to help me up, his hand on my elbow. Cold!
“Miss?” he asked. “Miss—” But I bolted, barely hearing their cries as I launched myself back toward the terminal. No no no no no no no no—my eyes watered and my belly bunched into knots and my heart lurched into my throat and oh God oh God—the ship! The whole. Entire. Ship. It was… dark… windows broken… Not a single light shining in the interior, and spatters of blood here and there visible on its decks and balconies… But worst of all was the smell. I hadn’t even entered the ship yet and already I knew, knew, in the way only I can know, that the smell wasn’t just one body or two. Not if I could detect it all the way out on the gangplank. All the way at the entrance to the terminal. For the whiff of putrefaction to have spread so far, the source was something massive. A colossal pile of decomposing bodies like a herd of dead elephants.
That ship… no one on that ship was going to make it back…
As I entered the terminal with its blessed filtered air and the windows between me and the ship, I turned and looked at the line stretching behind me. Passengers laughing. Chatting. Dressed in their finest. Flirting. Teasing. Buzzing with excitement. Old and young couples. Children.
Everyone on this ship is going to die…
... and I’m the only one who knows…

Hello people! First off: Happy pride month <3
This is a question that has been lingering in my mind for almost a decade now, and I finally found the courage to ask this.
Please keep in mind, that this is a question that is coming from a good place - I love all people, and I wish nothing but the best to any and all. Doesnt matter who you are, or what you identify as. :)
So, why do you feel the need to define/identify yourself as anything at all? What do you gain from it?
Maybe its thanks to my social inability and ADHD that I dont quite get it, but hear me out: This question came to be when a very close friend of mine had a serious break down because of this. I was so sad for her and the struggle she was in, trying to find a word that describes her perfectly. And over the years I've had a few more friends with similar pains. Sadly, I was never really able to understand completely why this is so important, but I want to!
I of course asked them, why its so important, but they couldnt really give me a concrete reason. It just... is. Maybe this is hard for me because I was raised by math and engineering, and a definition in my mind literally defines your behaviour, your exitance with rules and excludes anything that falls outside of those boundaries.
In my mind, when you define yourself as something, be that a hobby related lable like "artist" or "athlete" or even more personal things like your gender, youre excluding yourself from all the things that dont align with your self-definition. And to me, that sounds dreadful! I am too ADHD to not be and do everything all at once all the time and do and try new things everyday. I couldnt define or identify myself as any particular thing if my life depended on it. Maybe thats the reason why I cant comprehend it quite...?
I get it when it comes to sexuality, since thats exactly what that definition does: it excludes a certain sex from your dating/mating agenda - so I guess yay? But why gender - for example. Or why hobby/music related? Or Occupation related. Or wealth related.
I hope you guys can finally shed some light on this for me - everyone I asked has either looked at me with a side eye because I didnt already know the answer, or couldnt answer it at all or didnt want to. I feel stupid for asking this, sorry!

I hung out with my best friend about 3 years ago in 2020 and that day, i met a girl who was studying with me and called her to have some drinks with us, we all drank and she sucked off this guy in front of me while i was sitting down, yeah, and i didn't leave because i was drunk as hell. But i didn't watch, and after it was over i heard a lot of their fucked up things. Of course i argued with my friend and never talked to him again, but the point is that i can't get over it, even with everything that happened, cuz after this humiliation, i found an old friend a short time later and met a girl who was among them, who is my current and first girlfriend, i.e., i'd not be with the girl i love to this day if i hadn't gone through this shit. But it doesn't end here, 1 year later in 2021 his father died of cancer, which made him really messed up, and he tried to rekindle our friendship again by lamenting and posting apologies on his Stories and old pictures of us (he seemed really sorry), had also been approved to study to be an air traffic controller, and ended up dropping out because of the high pressure, becoming schizophrenic and now taking medications. Even so i still can't get over it, sometimes i think it would've been better if i didn't even met my girlfriend to not have gone through that day :/... Not that i think about it every day, but some days it pops into my mind and tortures me, fuck :/

For those who have been struggling to farm the moblin horn and/or other large items with the 5-shot savage lynel bow, but have been frustrated because the larger items explode the other items on impact. Try shooting lower just over the ridge. It gives the larger items time to spread out so that you can usually get 3 of the 5 items while 2 explode. Just make sure to save first because if you shoot too low or are too far back you can possibly lose your item.

Several months ago my bf of 5 years found a good job that required travel every week. the pay was great and the traveling was a plus. In the last few months the pay rate at the job was changed and he took a significant pay cut. He's complained a lot about that, but the issue I'm here about is his drug usage.
We live in a very rural area and he's learned how to go into these cities and find drugs. A couple weeks ago he flew to Sacramento. His first evening there he OD'ed on the street. He said he woke up to the fire department doing CPR on him, but the "doctor said his heart didn't stop" so he was fine he said. He woke up the next morning and got more drugs. He apparently was robbed by a couple people while trying to score. He's told other friends that, not me.
Just this week he had a connect flight in Denver. He decided to get ahold of a connect there and made a plan to meet him, get high, and make it back to the flight in time. He did not succeed and missed the flight to the next job. If it had worked out for him I'd never known this happened, but he called me that night panicking saying he was broke and couldn't afford a hotel. I said I couldn't help and hung up. He missed another flight because he fell asleep on the light rail on the way to the rescheduled flight. So he basically just hung out in Denver for a couple days and got high. The first night he called he was so "sorry", it was stupid, he regretted it. Fast forward to last night. He'd been demanding thru text that I go to the post office and send him suboxone because he had to go straight to the next job and couldn't come home this weekend like usual as the 2 day detour in Denver put him behind schedule obviously. I ignored his messages and did not do as he asked. Late last night I said when he was ready I'd like to have an actual conversation about things. He was only interested in whether I had mailed him his drugs and when I said I had not he went insane. I was a cunt, a disingenuous bitch, a fat fucking bitch, an annoying dumb bitch. He said he wouldn't even bother wishing death on me, but to please go kill myself because he wants to think of me as dead. I've gained some weight recently because this shit is stressful you know and he knows it bothers me so he sent the word fat about 50 times then blocked me on everything. I apparently am the problem. Yeah, it hurts, but I know it's for the best to get away from him.
But the thing is, I still don't want him to die regardless of the terrible shit he said. And I know he can't handle his stuff, I've seen it first hand and had to babysit him. He absolutely will die if he continues this. I've tried to talk to his mom, I've tried to talk to one of his friends that works at the same place. No one wants to do anything and they intend to continue enabling him. And I am a "crazy, vindictive bitch" for reaching out to anyone to try to do something. I have his boss' number. I have never spoken to him, but I think if he was made aware that his employee is strung out on drugs, missing flights to get high, and overdosing out on jobs he would put a stop to it rather quickly. I don't want him to lose his job, but I want him to get help. I'm incredibly conflicted on whether to involve myself or let him implode on his own. I know that if I did nothing and something happened to him I would absolutely live with regrets of not trying to do more. How should I handle things?

So I started track about 1.5 years ago (19yo male) and my first ever sprinting time (100m) was 13.22s (I was very sedentary as a teen)
I got a 12.99s on a competition after about 9 months of training and my best time was 12.8s (not on a competition though). During this time I felt very intense shin pains during my training sessions ( and also pulled one my hamstrings a couple of times)and started to feel like I wasn't making any progress, which got me feeling really demotivated about the sport. Many of my teamates who didn't struggle as much with these pains made much more progress than I did in a lot less time. I even ran 14.20s on a competition after barely recovering from a pulled hamstring, which got me feeling awful.
I'm now 21 and I've taken a break from track about 4 months ago (I've been trying some volleyball). I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself and that has lead to a lot of anxiety related to sports (specially because I've started playing sports pretty late in life). I got about 3.5 more years to practice either track or volleyball at college (I'm a brazilian medical school student) and just wanted to have a general idea of what should be my expectations if I choose to get back to track and field. Does it sound like the sport just isn't for me? Should I just lower my expectations, or am I overreacting?
I'd be happy if I could run a sub-12, honestly, as that would problably give me a chance at getting a medal at relays. I'm white and 5'9, if anyone was wondering.

I'll start off by saying this is a vent post because I'm tired of screaming into my pillow. While my current job pays very well and I know that I am fortunate to have the financial security, it comes at a huge cost of my time and mental health. I have a senior position for a large company with global responsibilities and I'm constantly being asked to do more with less. The higher ups are all men that constantly make demands out of me as if I do not have a family. Things like last minute travel, booking meetings over planned vacations, booking meetings late into the night or over school events for my child that I informed them about in advance.
They all constantly travel and put the burden of childcare and household responsibilities on their wives. I know this because when I ask them things about their children they will say stuff like 'oh that's my wife's responsibility to know those things' or 'my wife takes care of that.' My boss (while a bit intense) is a nice person, but his boss is an absolute nightmare to deal with and constantly intervenes and nit picks at our work. When I've pushed back on them about scheduling meetings over my pre planned child's events they will email me things like 'oh of course your child comes first' but then basically tell me I need to attend the meeting anyway.
A few years ago my husband and I made the decision that he would go back to school for an advanced degree. The idea would be that eventually I could leave my corporate job and pursue other creative avenues. But because of the demands of the program he had to quit his job and rely on my income. We knew my job would be demanding, but I powered through it because I knew someday there would be a light at the end of the tunnel.
The day had finally come and my husband completed his program. I was so thrilled for us and was so ready to start telling my superiors to go suck an egg with their impossible demands. Well, literally a few days later my husband got into a serious car crash and was very hurt. He will need multiple surgeries and it has hurt him so much both mentally and physically. I'm relieved he is going to be okay and that we have medical insurance, but it is such a long road to recovery for him. I know I am selfish to say this, but I'm so angry I'm even more stuck at this job.
You'd think because of what we are going through as a family my higher ups would be a little kinder, but nope they barely batted an eye when I told them. I think one of them forced out a 'oh I'm sorry to hear that' and then immediately moved on to my latest reports. I haven't even broached the topic of taking time off yet to care for my husband. Can't wait to see how well that goes. Our HR is not at all supportive. I've tried talking to them about some of my concerns only to be told to be more flexible.
Anyway, I don't know what I was looking for by posting this, but it felt good to get it out. I'm sorry to all of you who feel stuck and burned out at your corporate jobs and feel like work wants to pretend like you don't have a family or life. And honestly, changing jobs for me feels like more of the same bull crap. I've left companies before thinking the new opportunity would be more flexible and supportive of working moms only to find it was just lip service.

Looking to cruise men at my local Starbucks. Got my eye on a beautiful guy but think he's straight. We exchange eye contact. No hint of emotion on his face I catch him staring at me more often now probably cause I was doing it at first. He does it even when I'm looking away because a I'll catch him look away quickly when we meet eyes.
Aside from that I was hoping 5o get cruising tips or any requests from men who are in the Los Angeles area and play safe. I've been very horny lately and am interested in getting on my knees for some boys. I'm not worried if he was gay or straight but I did want to offer him my mouth in hopes he could release a nut into my throat and offload some steam. I just want to serve my fellow men.
Also interested in getting at silver daddies.
Any recc places I should look?

For context, I am a 19 year old female who just finished her first semester of college. Since this post is about money, I also have to add that my parents are wealthy because my dad owns several companies.
I went to a boarding school from ages 14-18, and my dad would give me $150 per month to pay for school supplies, toiletries, snacks, and other things for my dorm room.
After I graduated high school, my dad declined to increase my allowance even though the monthly expenses in college are so much more. He said that if I want more money, I have to earn it myself. So that summer, I got a full time job at a business that belonged to a family friend, and he was kind enough to drive me to and from work every day since I didn’t have my driver’s license yet. I limited my spending during the summer so that I could make my savings last all year in college. It was stressful, but it worked.
Now that I’ve been back home for about 2 weeks, I’m broke and I have $6 left in my bank account.
Recently my dad sat me down and told me that he would be ending my allowance. The reason is that I am not doing enough house chores and I’m not helping my mom take care of my 87 year old grandmother enough. I would have been happy to help, but they never asked me to. They just expected me to volunteer. My dad says that my behavior shows my lack of appreciation for my parents and that it would be unfair to keep paying me if I’m acting like this.
I registered for summer classes a while back so I wouldn’t fall behind in my college credits, and the classes start about 1 month after the spring semester ended. I had originally planned to use the 1 month break to relax because college makes me very burnt out, and for the rest of summer I was just going to focus on my studies and rely on the $150/month from my dad. When I told my parents this, they said that it was unacceptable to waste a month of my summer doing nothing. They made it seem like I was crazy to think I can just not work all summer. When I brought up the allowance, they said, “you cannot expect us to help you if you are unwilling to help yourself.”
My dad wants me to use this time to work at one of his companies full time (40 hrs a week), which I have been doing for a bit because I’m too afraid to tell him no. Even though my dad helped me get my driver’s license last august, my parents made no arrangements for me to drive one of their four cars, so I can’t drive. I didn’t get to choose my hours of availability for work because I have to ride with my dad to the office at 8am every day. And every day I have to ask around for someone who is available to give me a ride home after my shift is over. I told him I want to work part time so I can focus on applying for scholarships & have more free time but he said “No, don’t sell yourself short.” He wants me to continue working part time when classes start.
So they expect me to hold down a job while taking rigorous courses with no financial support from them and no car. Am I wrong for thinking this is unreasonable?

I know I am not alone in this and my wife she is amazing. Amazing parent, amazing life partner, she rocks my world. We have two kids one 3 years old the other a couple months. The kids take up 90% of our time and energy. When the kids are in bed for the night say around 6:30/7. The wife and I are pooped we either go to bed ourselves or set and watch a tv show and then go to bed. I been sleeping most nights in our oldest bed as he wakes up and the wife doesn't want him to wake the baby or disturb night feeds. So we don't really have night times together. I spoken to my wife of feeling frustrated at our situation and wanting to fix things but I feel that my wife is just as tired and stressed out of being a newish mum who is constantly being needed by tiny humans that there is no space for "us". Dose this get better? Once the kids grow up abit? Will we get back to us again? I need something in this relationship I am not getting and it's driving me crazy! However I feel terrible about wanting more from my partner who is just as tired and tapped out as I am if not more so.

Hey so I’m fairly now to programming, and this may be a “stupid” question. I was tasked with updating the landing page. (Very little communication but I just want to learn so I’ll stick around a bit) should I just go out making a new one from scratch to link or should I be receiving files with current version & updating from there?
No mentor everything has been self-taught what’s the first step in this process, sorry for the long winded yet crazy simple question

Does the concept of friendship work for you in real life? For me, twice in my life, my "best" friends have turned out to be very toxic, narcissistic people and I have had to break off contact to protect myself.
In other friendships I often have the problem that I'm not really taken seriously, often I'm just the clown for everyone to have a good time with, but don't want any deeper, more intense contact.
I am never invited to anything, but always have to suggest a meeting first so that I can see certain people, and even then it is also often the case that conversations are basically only about everyday trivialities instead of really important matters in life.
Maybe I've become too demanding of other people, simply because I've never really had the feeling of real, deep connection?
I don't want to have a large circle of friends, but two or three intense and interesting friendships that last longer than a few months/years.
How do you deal with this in your life? Do you feel that your neurotypical friends really understand you well or do you only have friends who also have ADHD?